Shallow End of the Gene Pool

Posted on July 13, 2011


A US company is marketing a DNA test for children that promises to determine whether your infant has the potential to be a star athlete.  The test searches for the presence of the ACT3N gene which has been linked to athletic ability in one previous study.  Critics suggest possessing one particular gene provides very little insight because ability is based on a complex combination.

Allow me to give the following examples:

You may be thrilled if your child possesses:

FR23 (Fast runner gene)

But your responsibilities as a parent may grow exhausting with the following tandem:

FR23 (Fast runner gene) + PS (Plays with scissors gene)

Maybe you don’t care about athletics and it doesn’t bother you if your kid inherits:

SR12 (Slow runner gene)

But you should be concerned with the following combination:

SR12 (Slow runner gene) + TB14a (Likes to tease bees gene)

DNA testing can also provide insightful information beyond athletics.  Your child is likely to excel at school if she inherits:

Li9 (Listening gene)

But this could be disastrous if she also has:

Li9 (Listening gene) + RoP (Repeats gossip heard from parents during office Christmas party gene)

With good parenting, your child may be taught to overcome the social stigma if he is cursed with:

NP1 (Nose picking gene)

But your child may not be able to overcome the combination:

NP1 (Nose picking gene) + Sa1 (Smearing gene)

Some parents desire a large quantity of grandchildren and are thrilled to learn their child possesses:

Fe7g (Fertility gene)

But may find themselves grandparents much earlier than expected:

Fe7g (Fertility gene) + FTPa (Failed to plan ahead gene) + EP (Easily persuaded gene)

Your child may love playing with fireworks:

Fw2 (Fireworks gene)

But he may not get very far in life if this gene is coupled with:

Fw2 (Fireworks gene) + SH (Shaky hands gene)

Not all kids have to be geniuses so don’t be discouraged if your child has:

EPt12 (Eats paste gene)

But you may have cause for concern if she also carries:

JDu7 (Too ugly to find a rich husband gene)

For which undesirable genes would you test your children?