Americans Greet New Obesity Statistics with Literal Heavy Hearts

Posted on July 12, 2011

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Last week two health groups released a study showing United States obesity had risen in sixteen states and fallen in none.  I read multiple articles on the discouraging trend, and I made an effort to click on and therefore reward articles that attempted to make the headline a play on words like “U.S. Obesity Numbers Continue to Swell”, “Big, Big Problem”, and “Obesity Trend Needs Trimming”.  By and large I was disappointed journalists missed a great opportunity to creatively take us to task via headlines, and I was forced to create my own alternatives:

Americans Greet New Obesity Statistics with Literal Heavy Hearts

Doctors Agree Super-sized Americans Not So Super

Obesity a Heavy Hitter in America’s Health Game

Americans Tip, Possibly Break Scales

Waist Lines Expand, Belts Buckle Under Obesity Pressure

America’s Obesity Cup Runneth Over

American’s Receive King Size Diagnosis

Weight, Weight, Don’t Tell Me–Americans are Bigger than Ever

Americans Discouraged by Obesity Figures, Drown Sorrows in Ranch Dressing

Government Officials Greet Obesity Figures with Wringing of Plump Hands

Americans Miss Weight Loss Targets by Wide Margin

Unflattering Obesity Figures Indicative of Unflattering Figures

Government Economists Regret Americans are not Worth Their Weight in Gold

Note: These statistics were compiled before the USDA replaced the food pyramid icon with the My Plate icon, a move experts expect may either reverse weight loss trends or much more likely be greeted by a collective shrug.  Read my review of the change in icons here: Food Pyramid We Hardly Knew Ye