Our seven-year-old, The Fonz, asked his mom, “If you had a zillion dollars would you spend it all on make-up?”
She laughed but never answered. I assume she’s still thinking about it.
…..
My wife said she needed a new philosophy for dealing with people because she felt she was too much of a pushover. I told her, “No you don’t.”
She answered, “I don’t?”
….
If your summer vacation is kind of slow, it might be fun to vote in the caption contest twice a day for the next week. Click here to make your summer dreams come true.
…..
One night this week The Fonz suspected he had a robber hiding under his bed. He had two reasons for his suspicions:
1. His balcony sliding door was unlocked. (I had unlocked it earlier in the day.)
2. His brother suspected someone had eaten some of the Cap’n Crunch cereal he had received as a birthday present.
Honey, I think someone is downstairs eating cereal.
I like to imagine a robber eating Cap’n Crunch as quietly as possible while we slept. I imagine my wife shaking me in the middle of the night, whispering, “Wake up! Did you hear that? I think someone downstairs is eating extremely crunchy cereal.”
The theft of Cap’n Crunch may not seem like a big deal to you, but we live in Shanghai where Cap’n Crunch is imported and costs $13 a box. Each son selects a box of cereal for birthdays and Christmas, and it’s the only time they get sugary cereal.
…..
Today I started rehearsals for a new play to be performed in August. Every time I start a play I tell the actress playing my love interest the same thing: Don’t fall in love me.
And it works every time.
…..
One sentence short story:
You might laugh at me for crying while I eat this mango, but did I mention a witch transformed my best friend into this mango?
The Good Greatsby 
Kim Pugliano
July 10, 2011
I know how to find the culprit. Look for people with cuts on the roof of their mouth. I love me some Cap’N Crunch, but it tears the hell out of the roof of my mouth, I guess as punishment for not eating something WeightWatchers friendly, although it should be because CLEARLY it it fortified with BERRIES.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
It does this to me as well. I only eat it every couple years because that’s how long it takes me to forget it cuts up my mouth.
Redneckprincess
July 10, 2011
Well one would just assume it was a robber eating the cereal, I mean who else would DARE right? I mean I have NEVER stolen candy from my child, really…I never thought of giving them a treat of sweet cereal for special occasions. My kids don’t get it either, well once and a while they get honeycomb, but only because I like it too…
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I’ve never stolen candy from a child or a baby. I think it would be fun if people stopped saying “like taking candy from a baby” and switched to “like taking cereal from a seven-year-old”.
writerwoman61
July 11, 2011
I was seriously wondering about giving boxes of cereal as gifts to children…let’s just say, we could never survive in Shanghai (right now, there are a dozen boxes of cereal on top of my cupboards, and eight of them are of the “sugary” variety)!
So, are there guys running around Shanghai in trenchcoats stopping people and asking them if they want to buy a box of Alpha-Bits? (“For you, $10 only…there’s even a balloon boat free inside!”).
I would not spend a zillion dollars on makeup…$20 maybe…
Wendy
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
No guys in trenchcoats, but I’m keeping my eyes peeled for any pawn shops selling cereal.
Byron MacLymont
July 11, 2011
Every time I start a new play I have the same reaction: I look at my lines and panic because it’s impossible, absolutely impossible, for someone to commit these lines to memory. Who am I kidding? It’s over. No one can do this. Yeah, I’ve done it before, but that was always, like, freak luck or something. Then I figure, might as well try to learn the first one, at least, and gradually the storm passes. (Hopefully the storm passes before the show opens)
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I try and memorize my first handful of lines before I even look at the rest of my lines and feel overwhelmed.
gmom
July 11, 2011
A lousy box of cereal. Post your address! It’s not like we are all going to stop in in for tea service. You’ll be inundated with cereal.
We are FEMA people here okay we look after our own.
no sugar …that’s just not right….
and why are you eating mangoes anyway?????
Good luck on your play no seriously good luck.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I would post my address and plead for cereal, but I worry readers will assume this blog was one elaborate hoax to get free cereal.
Binky
July 12, 2011
You can, however, send wine gums to me!
gmom
July 13, 2011
Listen bud, one does what one must for the children’s sake.
You don’t have to plead just say…here in Old Shanghai..in the Jewish Quarter. We can’t get any decent food. (snif).all my little crumb crunchers get are wasabi nuts and rice noodles in chicken soup. Poor darlings.
Margie
July 11, 2011
When the kids were little and we were going camping we’d buy those little boxes of cereal that can be opened up and you can pour the milk right into the box. It was the only time they got sugary cereal, and they thought it was the best part about camping!
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I loved those little boxes. We’ve also given those to the kids as stocking stuffers.
Leanne Shirtliffe
July 11, 2011
When I lived in Bahrain, my mom mailed me a giant box of Cheerios. It was still cheaper than buying a tiny box there.
She never did try to send pork, though.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
My wife’s mom has also sent the occasional box of cereal. It gets pretty expensive when you realize it only supplies three or four meals. When we visit the US, one of the first things we do is purchase ten boxes of cereal.
georgettesullins
July 11, 2011
You’re in Shang-hai? My nephew was in Beijing for two years and my sister just got back…she goes about 4x a year because of her job. Much luck with the play! I guess the potential of performing before millions is greater in China.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
We mostly perform for expat audiences, although this play will be performed only briefly in China and then internationally.
georgettesullins
July 11, 2011
Funny the cost of every day items. My sister brings home coin pearls and silk at or less the cost of one box of Cap’n Crunch.
Lenore Diane
July 11, 2011
Seriously. $13 a box? Wow. Sugar sure is expensive in Shanghai.
And the burglar would probably wait a bit and let the cereal get soggy. He probably likes it when the berries turn the milk pink.
How nice that the actresses adhere to your requests.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I assume cereal is unusually expensive because the boxes are so big and expensive to ship.
spilledinkguy
July 11, 2011
I had a friend who was transformed into a box of Cap’n Crunch.
Then there was a robbery, and… wow. The story gets very, very ugly from here.
🙂
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
Sad story. It’s probably hard for you to eat Cap’n Crunch now without remembering all those painful memories.
accidentalstepmom
July 11, 2011
I totally buy sugar cereal for birthday and Christmas gifts for my kids, because a giant box of cereal literally lasts one day when they all eat it. My husband thought I was nuts at first until he saw how excited they get when they unwrap it. Love the short story. Break legs on the play.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
If they don’t normally get sugar cereal, it’s a pretty exciting gift. It’s also easy to wrap and appears to be a fairly large present.
thelifeofjamie
July 11, 2011
captain crunch is a GENIUS birthday present! (DO you really live in Shanghai?)
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
Yes. If you ever come to visit, bring us some cereal.
Laura
July 11, 2011
Do you think that, in his last moments of life, Todd appreciated how funny it was when you dared that witch to turn him into a mango?
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I hope he found some humor in the situation.
souldipper
July 11, 2011
Please tell your wife that the Fonz just thinks she is soooo beautiful that it surely takes an enormous amount of make-up to reach such standards!
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
I assume that’s what he meant.
reneedavies
July 11, 2011
Cap’n Crunch…yum. Coffee Crisps and Big Turks – the dreams of this Canadian expat.
The Good Greatsby
July 11, 2011
You never know what foods you’re going to miss. I have a long list of foods I never thought about when I lived in America but were suddenly worth huge shipping costs once I lived abroad.
Surrey gal
July 11, 2011
I like your kid’s ideas. Great minds think alike.
pearlsandprose
July 12, 2011
Shanghai, wow! How do you like it, or have I missed the posts on life in China?
When I was in the Middle East, we found very-expensive popcorn in a little grocery store and couldn’t wait to make some. Problem was, we only had olive oil. After eating popcorn made in olive oil, your tongue feels like it’s covered with fur. Never again.
Good luck with the play!
Lunar Euphoria
July 12, 2011
What a gift to see the everyday world with such humor.
I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog.
Binky
July 12, 2011
Convincing your kids that cereal is so expensive they can only get it as a birthday present is pure genius! If you want anything other than bread and water, put it on your Christmas list. . .
Casserole Dish
July 12, 2011
“Today I started rehearsals for a new play to be performed in August. Every time I start a play I tell the actress playing my love interest the same thing: Don’t fall in love me.
And it works every time.”
OMG, you always make me laugh out loud. For that, I will send you sugary cereal. Honest. Give us your address, sounds like you’ll get a lifetime supply!