My Wife’s Facebook Status: Single if George Clooney is Asking

Posted on June 23, 2011


Did you hear George Clooney is single again?  And did you hear women everywhere changed their Facebook statuses to ‘Single if George Clooney is asking’?  The actor and his girlfriend of two years, Italian model Elisabetta Canalis, recently split.  No reasons were given for the break-up, although my inside source tells me George was disappointed to learn Elisabetta speaks no English after he recently tried talking to her for the first time.

I had a few jokes in mind for this story, and I called my wife at lunch to see if she thought they were funny.

“Hey, tell me if these jokes about George Clooney are funny.”
“What happened to George Clooney?”
“He and his girlfriend split up.”
“Hello?  Honey?  Are you still there?”

I called back but there was no answer.  I called the friend she was eating lunch with, who said, “It was very strange.  She was talking to you on the phone, then she suddenly sprinted out of the restaurant, knocking over a table and two waiters.”

I had planned to write a post about all the strange coincidences that keep connecting us to George Clooney ever since my wife and I got married.  For example. every year my wife plans a family vacation and somehow she keeps accidentally picking cities where George Clooney is shooting a movie.  Twice is a coincidence, but ten years in a row is, well according to my wife, still a coincidence.

The coincidences don’t end there.  One time I found a bunch of George Clooney’s mail in my wife’s desk, and she said the post office had accidentally sent them to our home.  Isn’t that incredible?  What are the chances of the post office mixing up our mail with a famous actor living in a different country?  I wonder if he’s been getting my birthday cards my family says they send every year.

And before my wife and I were married she had a restraining order against her from a George Clooney, but she says this was a different George Clooney and the court had spelled the name wrong.  She had actually been ordered to stay 500 yards distance from a George Cloney.

I really wanted to get her feedback on this post before publishing, but I haven’t been able to reach her all day.  I’ve sent her the following texts, but she never answered:

“Hey, I think somebody might have stolen our credit card.  I just received an email from American Airlines confirming a flight to Los Angeles.  Please confirm you aren’t missing your credit card.”

“I just noticed all your clothing is missing.  I think whoever stole your credit card also stole your clothing.”

“I just noticed all our luggage is missing.  I think whoever stole your clothing, must have stolen our luggage to transport your clothing.”

“I just noticed our travel version of Battleship is missing.  I think whoever stole your credit card, clothing, and luggage must be planning a trip.”

“I just noticed dinner is missing.  Do you think I should order something?  How about Indian food?”

“Your samosas and nan are getting cold.  Do you mind if I eat them?  Also, can you pick up another Battleship game on your way home?  I really feel like playing tonight.”