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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts published on »June, 2011«
Bet Your Bottom Sacajawea You Don’t Have a $1 Coin in Your Pocket
As a kid I enjoyed collecting coins until I learned I could lose those collected coins through a hole in my pocket. I also learned I could lose an older brother’s coin collection through a hole in my pocket. I also learned I could place the last remaining coin in my little brother’s pocket and […]
Flip a Coin–Preferably a $1 Coin
June 29, 2011
Over the years the US Federal Reserve has made numerous efforts to convince Americans to use a $1 coin instead of the $1 bill. The latest effort–the presidential $1 coin series–has resulted in over $1 billion dollars of coins nobody wants as the law calls for their production and a new president to be honored […]
TSA Doesn’t Negotiate with Terrorists, or Grandmas
June 28, 2011
On Sunday, a Florida woman complained when TSA airport agents patted down her 95-year-old mother and insisted she remove her adult diaper. The story spread quickly through social media as an example of overreaching government officials wasting resources scrutinizing a harmless elderly woman while the most likely elderly threats like Larry King continue to roam […]
All in Due Time
June 27, 2011
When my wife turned thirty-one, my youngest son told her, “Hey Mom, only twenty-nine years until you’re sixty!” I’m sure sixty seems pretty far away to my son, but kids have no idea time will pass faster and faster as they get older. When I was a kid, I didn’t pay much attention to calendars […]
Sunday Souffle
June 26, 2011
Sometimes I watch my sons while they play outside, and I’m always interested in the new games they invent. This morning I watched my 7-year-old son, The Fonz, spend almost two hours racing against a rock. He would count down 3, 2, 1, then flick a rock across the pavement and sprint to overtake it. […]
Very Fast, Moderately Furious
June 25, 2011
Great news for fans of bad acting and bad movies: Universal Pictures has announced plans for a sixth Fast and Furious movie. The announcement was short on plot details because the computer that writes the Fast and Furious screenplays was on vacation this week. When the computer returns, the studio will input the following and […]
My Children Grow Sick of Sick!!! (sic) Discussion
June 24, 2011
This afternoon my wife and I sat on the front steps, watching my two sons and their friend perform skateboard tricks, and the kids asked me to judge who could jump highest on the skateboard. When I proclaimed a winner, the other kids gave him high fives, and I felt jealous of all the attention […]
My Wife’s Facebook Status: Single if George Clooney is Asking
June 23, 2011
Did you hear George Clooney is single again? And did you hear women everywhere changed their Facebook statuses to ‘Single if George Clooney is asking’? The actor and his girlfriend of two years, Italian model Elisabetta Canalis, recently split. No reasons were given for the break-up, although my inside source tells me George was disappointed […]
Announcing the Apple iPhone 5
June 22, 2011
Great news for you Apple iPhone fans–Apple has announced the new iPhone 5 will be released this August or September. Remember today as the day the sight of your iPhone 4 began to disgust you. Apple addicts everywhere were ecstatic in anticipation of the opportunity to spend almost a thousand dollars to buy the exact […]
Your Summer Swimsuit Strategy
June 21, 2011
Summer has arrived for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. For you Southern Hemispherians, I hope you’re enjoying winter as well as a respite from the full effects of the ozone hole we sent your way. (Have you been to Australia? It’s like they have three suns down there. You can get sunburned while […]
Everybody Loves a Clown…Except for Everybody I Know
June 20, 2011
Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the off-duty police officer dressed as a clown who shot a man trying to rob him at gunpoint. This must be a pretty rundown neighborhood when a clown catches your eye as the wealthiest potential mugging target. Think of all the rich clowns who are members of your country […]
Sunday Spread
June 19, 2011
Happy Father’s Day to you if you’re in a country celebrating Father’s Day and also if you’re a father. If you’re neither a father nor in a country celebrating Father’s Day, I hope an opportunity to celebrate you for something comes up before too long. When is Secretary’s Day? If you’re a father, but not […]
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