The Presidential Debate on Mute

Posted on October 17, 2012

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you should quit

I didn’t watch last night’s presidential debate, or the previous presidential debate, but I did make the minimal effort to stay informed by reviewing pictures from the debates. The pictures allow me to imagine my own version of how I wish the debates had gone, and you’d be surprised how much more positive you feel about the direction of America when you can’t hear what the politicians are saying.

“♫ Just the two of us. We can make it we trrryyyyy. Just the two of us. Just you and I.”

“A priest, a rabbi, a Democrat, and a gay duck walk into a French bar…”

“Could I trouble you for a blurry, out of focus picture with me, so I have a souvenir to show people my lack of shame?”

“Romney is the absolute worst. That guy gives me the creeps. The worst thing about Romney is…he’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

Moderator: “If you had to pinpoint the biggest threat facing America, what would it be?”

“And the Emperor was like ‘Join us or die!’ and Luke Skywalker was all like ‘I’ll never join you!’ and the Emperor was like totally pissed and started shooting lightning from his fingers. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it!”

“Mitt, Ann told me not to say anything, and she’ll probably deny it if you ask her about it, but she thinks you should drop out.”

“I still don’t see what the Macarena has to do with being President.”

Posted in: Columns