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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »satire«
This Post Contains No Nude Pictures of Celebrities
Note to any reader directed here by a search engine: This post contains no nude photos of any celebrities, especially former Golden Girl, Betty White. Note Note: This post contains slightly explicit content described in the blandest of manners. Take pause before reading aloud to your kindergarten class, like you do all my other posts. […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Can I Tell If My Neighbor is Dead?
September 14, 2011
Today’s questions comes from Laura of Unlikely Explanations who wonders what is the politest way to determine if her neighbor is dead. Dear Good Greatsby, This question is about my neighbors. I’ll call them Betty and Don, because those names are similar enough to Beth and Dan that I think I’ll be able to get […]
Now Hiring Post-apocaplyptic Workforce–Apply Today!
September 13, 2011
Last week President Obama gave a speech announcing details of his plan to create more jobs. I’ve read through the main points of the plan and worry it misses all the evidence that job creation has stalled because we’re too focused on creating jobs for the old, good-times economy without paying attention to the approaching […]
The Less-than-Deductive Detective
September 12, 2011
For years, my friend Andrew and I have been exchanging Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe detective novels and dreaming about starting our own detective agency. The desire to be detectives doesn’t stem from a hatred of crime or a love of solving mysteries, but more from a desire to wear fedoras, stay out late with […]
Chinglish Explosion
September 11, 2011
Optimist Prime took this picture while waiting in the airport security line: I’m not sure how security checks to make sure an item is explosion proof. Seems like they’d have to try and blow the item up in order to determine its unexplodability. My son didn’t make clear to me if security was only exploding […]
Saturday Cocktail
September 10, 2011
I’m not too proud to admit my faults, especially my small and insignificant faults like the fact that I’m a terrible whisperer. Something in my voice box has never worked correctly because my brain tells it to whisper but once a month I seem to embarrass a friend by ‘whispering’, “IS THAT THE GIRL YOU’RE […]
Friday Love Letters: Dear Rachel Weisz
September 9, 2011
Dear Rachel Weisz, One of my great embarrassments is that I’ve seen The Mummy fifteen times but Schindler’s List only once. I knew I would hate The Mummy, and this is why I didn’t see it in theaters, only catching it on TV years later, but something happened the moment you appeared on screen as […]
Petcare Care Less
September 8, 2011
If a friend goes out of town, I’ll water his plants, collect his mail, and maybe even throw water on the fire I started while roasting marshmallows in his bathtub, but he better know better than to ask me to watch his pets. If you get roped into watching a pet, here are some tips […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Are You Secretly in Love with Me?
September 7, 2011
After numerous last minute cancellations, it falls to my assistant Ken to serve as a guest panelist and help answer the question of Kim Pugliano who seeks advice in sorting a sordid love triangle–one that a licensed therapist might call imaginary but one which this unlicensed therapist takes very seriously. Dear Good Greatsby~ How do […]
Friends Come and Go–Mostly Go
September 6, 2011
Living in Shanghai has conditioned me not to get too attached to people. A large percentage of the foreigners here are sent over on one or two year contracts, so a significant portion of our social outings are spent at farewell parties. After seven years in Shanghai, I’ve become pretty efficient at meeting new people […]
Appoint Me Bad Apple of Apple’s Eye
September 5, 2011
Last week, Steve Jobs announced his retirement from Apple in a short statement: “I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come. I hereby resign as CEO […]
Chinglish ddung
September 4, 2011
The product below appears to be a package of sanitary wipes. I assume the sanitary wipes can be used for many sanitation purposes, although the brand name “ddung” does seem to suggest a fairly specific use. The next product wasn’t found in China, but was actually found on a Waitrose grocery store shelf in Scotland. […]
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The Good Greatsby 
September 15, 2011
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