I’m not too proud to admit my faults, especially my small and insignificant faults like the fact that I’m a terrible whisperer. Something in my voice box has never worked correctly because my brain tells it to whisper but once a month I seem to embarrass a friend by ‘whispering’, “IS THAT THE GIRL YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH BUT YOU BROKE INTO HER EMAIL ACCOUNT AND READ AN EMAIL WHERE SHE WROTE SHE CAN’T STAND YOU?”
I love hard-boiled detective novels by Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett and I always thought I’d make a great detective, but I worry my inability to whisper would prevent me from conducting a successful stakeout. My faulty whisper box makes it more believable when I tease the kids by ‘whispering’ to Optimist Prime, “Don’t tell The Fonz, but you’re my favorite,” and The Fonz will hear and get upset so I’ll ‘whisper’ to him, “I was only saying Optimist Prime was my favorite to make him feel good, but you know I like you much better.” Optimist Prime will hear this and complain and I’ll ‘whisper’ to him, “I only told The Fonz I liked him better because he heard me telling you the truth about how I liked you better and I had to lie to him to make him feel better.” Of course The Fonz will hear this and complain and the back-and-forth can go on for half an hour. We’ve been playing a version of this game for years and whenever the kids ask to play video games I try and get this game started as an alternative until they get so frustrated that they forget they had asked to play a video game.
Before I traveled to Edinburgh, I was certain I’d find a way to travel to Loch Ness and write a post about my efforts to prove or disprove the existence of Nessie. I only had one day off from my play, and I planned to travel to spend it traveling to Loch Ness, but when I researched the history of Nessie the night before and realized all past sightings were embarrassingly lacking in credibility, I concluded this could only mean the people living close to Loch Ness are prone to dishonesty and could not be trusted. I didn’t feel comfortable spending a night among such sketchy people and cancelled my plans.
Still one more day to vote in the caption contest.
When somebody asks for a book recommendation, I love to think for a moment then reply with a straight face, “Have you heard of these Harry Potter books?” It seems everyone has.