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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »kids«
Sunday Brunch
July 3, 2011
Yesterday my seven-year-old, The Fonz, told my wife, “Parenting must be hard, especially when you have kids.” I would have answered, “Actually, parenting without having kids is even harder.” ….. Christine Lagarde was selected this week as International Monetary Fund Managing Director. I never received a response to my job inquiry email to the IMF. […]
The Most Positive Child in the World
July 2, 2011
Happy birthday to my son, Optimist Prime, who turns ten tomorrow! I don’t mention Optimist Prime as often as my seven-year-old, The Fonz, because The Fonz is more likely to get in trouble and say something funny when he gets caught. Optimist Prime is more likely to go to bed on time without being asked, […]
All in Due Time
June 27, 2011
When my wife turned thirty-one, my youngest son told her, “Hey Mom, only twenty-nine years until you’re sixty!” I’m sure sixty seems pretty far away to my son, but kids have no idea time will pass faster and faster as they get older. When I was a kid, I didn’t pay much attention to calendars […]
Sunday Souffle
June 26, 2011
Sometimes I watch my sons while they play outside, and I’m always interested in the new games they invent. This morning I watched my 7-year-old son, The Fonz, spend almost two hours racing against a rock. He would count down 3, 2, 1, then flick a rock across the pavement and sprint to overtake it. […]
My Children Grow Sick of Sick!!! (sic) Discussion
June 24, 2011
This afternoon my wife and I sat on the front steps, watching my two sons and their friend perform skateboard tricks, and the kids asked me to judge who could jump highest on the skateboard. When I proclaimed a winner, the other kids gave him high fives, and I felt jealous of all the attention […]
Sunday Spread
June 19, 2011
Happy Father’s Day to you if you’re in a country celebrating Father’s Day and also if you’re a father. If you’re neither a father nor in a country celebrating Father’s Day, I hope an opportunity to celebrate you for something comes up before too long. When is Secretary’s Day? If you’re a father, but not […]
Spelling Bee Stings
June 16, 2011
Did you watch any of the national Scripps Spelling Bee last week on ESPN? Congratulations to Sukanya Roy who sealed the victory by correctly spelling “Cymotrichous”. News of the victory spread quickly among excited teenagers as they texted each other the news: wassup, playa, U heer bout Speling Be champyon? Fo shizzle, mine laydee Sukanya […]
Sunday Buffet
June 12, 2011
This week I was playing video games with my sons, and the 7-year-old kept losing. In frustration he shouted, “It’s time for Jurassic measures!” I assume he meant drastic measures, but I also like to think he meant Jurassic as in he was about to go prehistoric on us. Can anyone confirm if this is […]
Sunday Salad
May 29, 2011
Our 7-year-old, The Fonz, told my wife with a sigh, “I’m not as cute as I used to be.” My wife assured him he was still very cute. He nodded to acknowledge the compliment, then sighed again, “But still not as cute as I used to be.” He seems awfully young to begin worrying about […]
WWJBD? (What would James Bond do?)
May 26, 2011
It has become common among some Christian groups to greet life’s decisions with the question, “What would Jesus do?” This theological consideration is sometimes turned into the acronym “WWJD?” and printed on bumper stickers, t-shirts, bracelets, and a collection of other tacky clothing I’m pretty sure Jesus would never wear. If Jesus wouldn’t wear that […]
Godmother Gaga
May 17, 2011
Did you hear Elton John and husband David Furnish recently adopted a son, Zachary? And did you hear they named Lady Gaga as the baby’s godmother? And did you hear twenty years from now Zachary is in jail? I don’t want to put words in anybody’s mouth, but I believe I can safely say, “Great […]
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