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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
Parenting Efficiency
Parents often feel guilty. They may feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids. Or maybe they put in the hours, but they worry it’s not enough quality time. I don’t worry about the quantity of time versus quality of time debate because I only measure parental success in quantity of activities. Time […]
Splitsville for Jennifarc
July 21, 2011
If Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony can’t make marriage work, what hope do the rest of us have? The couple hasn’t given a reason for the split, but my insider source says Marc Anthony was bitter that the media never gave them a catchy couples name like when Jennifer was together with Ben Affleck and […]
Have Water, Will Travel
July 19, 2011
What’s the first thing you pack when taking a trip? My wife and kids leave on a trip to the US tomorrow. My seven-year-old, The Fonz, asked if his mom would help him pack a bag, although he specified, “but no clothes.” His mom asked him what he planned to pack if not clothes and […]
A Trip Down Memory Lane
July 18, 2011
If you ask for directions to my home I’ll always tell you to turn onto my street from the main road on the east. I would never tell you to take the road from the west because I can’t remember the street name, even though I’ve lived here for six years. Scientists believe Internet […]
Weekend Sampler
July 16, 2011
Yesterday I heard Optimist Prime shout out to his little brother, The Fonz, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?” The Fonz was on a different floor and shouted back, “Where are you?” I said to The Fonz, “Here’s a rule of thumb you can use the rest of your life: If someone shouts for […]
Sorting Hat, Please, Please Don’t Put Me In Hufflepuff!
July 14, 2011
If you’ve been a long-time reader, perhaps you remember my post, How to Tease Your Kids, extolling my love for teasing. If I ever lose my love for teasing, my love for my children will likely soon follow. If I couldn’t tease them, I’d probably be a lot less interested in parenting, which is why […]
Shallow End of the Gene Pool
July 13, 2011
A US company is marketing a DNA test for children that promises to determine whether your infant has the potential to be a star athlete. The test searches for the presence of the ACT3N gene which has been linked to athletic ability in one previous study. Critics suggest possessing one particular gene provides very little […]
Sunday Appetizers
July 10, 2011
Our seven-year-old, The Fonz, asked his mom, “If you had a zillion dollars would you spend it all on make-up?” She laughed but never answered. I assume she’s still thinking about it. ….. My wife said she needed a new philosophy for dealing with people because she felt she was too much of a pushover. […]
A True Class Clown Doesn’t Take a Summer Vacation
July 7, 2011
The doctor told my wife and I to sit down, always a sign of impending bad news. I hoped refusing to sit might somehow change our fate. “If you don’t mind, doc, I’d rather stand. Or maybe lie down on the floor. Or maybe lean against this coat rack over here. But give it to […]
Hey, Where’s that Fifty Bucks You Owe Me?
July 6, 2011
About once a month I set a date to go over my finances. This usually involves analysis of four categories: 1. Bills to pay 2. Savings and investments 3. How the kids could make me money, possibly through street busking or pick-pocketry 4. How to trick or guilt people into giving me money The kids […]
Sunday Brunch
July 3, 2011
Yesterday my seven-year-old, The Fonz, told my wife, “Parenting must be hard, especially when you have kids.” I would have answered, “Actually, parenting without having kids is even harder.” ….. Christine Lagarde was selected this week as International Monetary Fund Managing Director. I never received a response to my job inquiry email to the IMF. […]
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The Good Greatsby 
July 25, 2011
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