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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
Saturday Gelato
September 17, 2011
My ten-year-old son, Optimist Prime, invited a few friends for a sleepover last night. When the doorbell rang, he asked if I would get it and when I returned with his friend, OP was reclining on the couch reading War and Peace. I was so proud all the lessons I had taught him about how […]
Saturday Salad Bar
September 3, 2011
My 19-hour birthday passed even faster than I had anticipated, and since I was traveling, I did manage to avoid even a single happy birthday wish from any friends or family, allowing me to make people feel guilty for the next year. Making it even better was when I stopped at an Internet cafe in […]
A Change of Style
September 1, 2011
Home again, home again. I made it back to Shanghai this morning, and I had previously told my wife not to make a big fuss, which is probably why nobody met me at the airport. Probably also why nobody met me at home either. And probably why my wife didn’t answer the phone when I […]
Saturday Surprise
August 27, 2011
While here in Edinburgh, friends have asked if I miss my kids, and I answer, “Who? Oh, right, I have kids.” Actually I do sometimes miss them, like last week when I dropped a coin into a sewer drain and could have utilized their tiny hands and arms to retrieve it, but mostly I miss the funny things they […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince My Sister to Do Me More Favors?
August 24, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my best friend, Todd, who finds himself with a bit of time on his hands since I accidentally got him fired from his last three jobs. The first question comes from The Average Person at the blog theaveragelives.wordpress.com. Dear Good Greatsby, Recently I’m becoming increasingly worried due to my sister seemingly […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are?
August 17, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my time-wasting robot, Philo T-2000, who has been watching reruns of Oprah to enable him to understand human emotions and give applicable advice. The first question comes from Jamie of The Life of Jamie. Allow me to recommend Jamie by saying she’s displayed excellent taste by disliking all the same […]
Saturday Souffle
August 13, 2011
When my wife and I spoke on the phone this week, I gave her instructions on what times of the day to feed our cat, Megatron. She wondered why I was telling her how to feed the cat when this had been her job for years; this was the moment my wife and I realized we’ve both been feeding the cat […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Can I Convince My Sister-in-law to Leave the Country?
August 10, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my mom, who has promised to only give advice relating to the question and not use this as a platform to criticize my life choices. In exchange, I’ve offered to stop arguing when she suggests I like the same things I liked when I was five. When she suggests I feed […]
What Would Harry Potter Do?
August 4, 2011
Kids like to be teased. When my kids say they don’t like to be teased I realize this is their way of teasing me back and begging for more teasing. I tease my kids a lot, but I hope my teasing manages to teach them valuable life lessons at the same time because this helps […]
Saturday Shuffle
July 30, 2011
On Thursday night my seven-year-old, The Fonz, lost a tooth while attending a rodeo/carnival. He told me the news and expected me to be excited, but I immediately quoted the ancient proverb: “He who loses his tooth at a carnival in the presence of many toothless carnies, is destined to grow up to be a […]
Motivate Yourself with Fake Rivalries
July 26, 2011
When I find myself lazy or lacking motivation in some important aspect of life, I try and outline the problem and set a series of goals to help me regain focus. When that doesn’t work, I try and invent rivalries and enemies in the hopes that I’ll gain inspiration through the desire to show them […]
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The Good Greatsby 
September 24, 2011
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