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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
And That’s a Wrap
It’s been a great year and I’m going to hate to see it go. I appeared in three plays: Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night; A Minor Case of Murder which I also wrote and co-directed; and Drift which we took to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. My wife considered all three plays to be successes because none of […]
Metric Measure for Measure: Measuring the Measuring Systems to Your Measured Advantage
December 23, 2011
I remember being taught the metric system as a young kid in school and sharing the annoyance of my classmates when we were told the state education board had mandated the teaching of the metric system–even though anybody with any sense knew the US system was better. America was on the verge of winning the Cold […]
Beauty is in the Eye of the Asian Beholder
December 21, 2011
When checking out of our hotel in Seoul, the manager bade my wife a farewell that guaranteed his hotel would top her list if we ever returned, “All the staff thinks you are so beautiful. Your husband is so tall and handsome. Together you make beautiful children. The most handsome family. And I am in […]
Effort-Reward Ratios of Christmas Dinner Attention-Getters
December 16, 2011
Christmas is just around the corner and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably looking forward to Christmas Dinner with your family and anticipating the time-honored tradition of competing to be the center of attention. Everyone will arrive with a gimmick–good news to share, a funny story, or an expertly-prepared dish–and you know you’ve got […]
Battleship Down: Board Games the Movie!
December 12, 2011
The other day I watched a You Tube clip and the unskippable movie preview at the beginning caught my attention for all the wrong reasons. A naval fleet leaves port to begin war games and encounters an alien enemy hidden beneath the sea. Within seconds I knew the movie was going to be terrible, but […]
Saturday Salad Bar
December 10, 2011
Here are some favorites from recent search terms: i said i hate you and he said you love me I’m not sure why this search was sent to me, but I assume google learned how my optimistic nature automatically hears compliments in place of criticism. “You need to take a shower.” “What’s that? I smell […]
Teaching Kids Using Rhyme over Reason
December 9, 2011
I’m fond of reminding my sons that “adults rule and kids drool.” This is a catchy way to constantly reinforce the value of my judgment over theirs. Kids have a short attention span and it’s important to use rhymes and catchy sayings to help them quickly remember good advice and make the right decisions. Whitney […]
Saturday Salad Bar
December 3, 2011
My ten-year-old son, Optimist Prime, felt a little left out when the interview with The Fonz was featured yesterday so I promised him his own interview would come before long. OP is also pretty funny but The Fonz is featured more often on this blog because he literally speaks ten sentences for every one sentence […]
Christmas Shopping Days are Numbered…and Named
December 1, 2011
Retailers know money is tight for shoppers this Christmas season and they hope some creative marketing will convince customers to spend money they don’t have. You’ve heard of Black Friday, the first official shopping day of the holiday season. You’ve heard of Cyber Monday, the Monday after Thanksgiving when online retailers offer their best sales. […]
Reasons I Was Late to the Party
November 29, 2011
I have writing projects I work on each day and sometimes when I achieve a high level of concentration and get in a good writing rhythm and spend hours and hours alone, it can be hard to transition to normal human conversation when my wife enters my office and tells me we’re late for one […]
Economists Predict 2.8% More Christmas Cheer
November 28, 2011
The Christmas shopping season kicked off last Friday in America, a day known as Black Friday, either because it signals the day many retailers are first “in the black” and become profitable for the year, or because of all the black eyes and bruises as shoppers elbow and trample each other, racing to claim the […]
Turning Thanksgiving into Thanksreceiving
November 23, 2011
When your friends and family gather for Thanksgiving and list their blessings, make sure and remind everyone they should be especially thankful for you. Are You too Impressive? If you’re anything like me, you’re a tremendously impressive person, and part of what makes you impressive is your deep humility preventing you from bringing your accomplishments […]
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December 31, 2011
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