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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
Motivate Yourself with High-Risk Deadlines
September 19, 2011
I have no problem motivating myself to write every day, but I have the bad habit of skipping around between projects when I meet a difficult section and have no pressing deadline. This is why I’m constantly thinking up tricks to give myself artificial deadlines for finishing projects. For example, right now I’m motivating myself […]
Saturday Gelato
September 17, 2011
My ten-year-old son, Optimist Prime, invited a few friends for a sleepover last night. When the doorbell rang, he asked if I would get it and when I returned with his friend, OP was reclining on the couch reading War and Peace. I was so proud all the lessons I had taught him about how […]
Now Hiring Post-apocaplyptic Workforce–Apply Today!
September 13, 2011
Last week President Obama gave a speech announcing details of his plan to create more jobs. I’ve read through the main points of the plan and worry it misses all the evidence that job creation has stalled because we’re too focused on creating jobs for the old, good-times economy without paying attention to the approaching […]
The Less-than-Deductive Detective
September 12, 2011
For years, my friend Andrew and I have been exchanging Sam Spade and Philip Marlowe detective novels and dreaming about starting our own detective agency. The desire to be detectives doesn’t stem from a hatred of crime or a love of solving mysteries, but more from a desire to wear fedoras, stay out late with […]
Saturday Cocktail
September 10, 2011
I’m not too proud to admit my faults, especially my small and insignificant faults like the fact that I’m a terrible whisperer. Something in my voice box has never worked correctly because my brain tells it to whisper but once a month I seem to embarrass a friend by ‘whispering’, “IS THAT THE GIRL YOU’RE […]
Petcare Care Less
September 8, 2011
If a friend goes out of town, I’ll water his plants, collect his mail, and maybe even throw water on the fire I started while roasting marshmallows in his bathtub, but he better know better than to ask me to watch his pets. If you get roped into watching a pet, here are some tips […]
Friends Come and Go–Mostly Go
September 6, 2011
Living in Shanghai has conditioned me not to get too attached to people. A large percentage of the foreigners here are sent over on one or two year contracts, so a significant portion of our social outings are spent at farewell parties. After seven years in Shanghai, I’ve become pretty efficient at meeting new people […]
Saturday Salad Bar
September 3, 2011
My 19-hour birthday passed even faster than I had anticipated, and since I was traveling, I did manage to avoid even a single happy birthday wish from any friends or family, allowing me to make people feel guilty for the next year. Making it even better was when I stopped at an Internet cafe in […]
Dreams that Won’t Come True After 33
August 30, 2011
Tomorrow I celebrate my 33rd birthday by boarding a plane back to Shanghai. I feel a bit cheated that I’ll be traveling east and the change in time zones will cut significant time from my birthday. If my calculations are correct, my birthday will only last 19 hours. Where will these 5 hours go? Somebody owes […]
The Immaculate High Five
August 29, 2011
The slap of our hands cut through the air and reverberated off the walls. Each of us stared at our hands, frozen in the air, both unsure of what we had just experienced. We spoke in unison, “What just happened?” July 28, 2011 started like any other day. I got out of bed and put my pants on […]
Saturday Surprise
August 27, 2011
While here in Edinburgh, friends have asked if I miss my kids, and I answer, “Who? Oh, right, I have kids.” Actually I do sometimes miss them, like last week when I dropped a coin into a sewer drain and could have utilized their tiny hands and arms to retrieve it, but mostly I miss the funny things they […]
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September 24, 2011
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