Dear Game of Thrones, Season 3,
Please don’t suck.
I’ve been let down by television before, and I don’t think I could bear getting hurt again. Lately, I’ve felt television has been taking advantage of our relationship, violating our agreement that it would provide me with mindless escapism in exchange for me ignoring my family and books, and promising to purchase advertised products I don’t need and can’t afford. I’ve kept my end of the bargain.
I’ve been looking forward to the new season of Games of Thrones since last June. For months, whenever I overheard people talking about Game of Thrones I would scoot my chair up to their table and say, ‘Season 3 premieres on Sunday March 31.’ To give you some perspective on my excitement, whenever anyone asks me my kids’ birthdays, I answer, ‘One is in the spring. One is in the summer. Or maybe it’s the other way around.’
Season 1 was incredible. Spoiler alert: When that surprising thing happened, that was so surprising. I don’t want to give anything away, but I was all like, ‘That just happened? Really? Wow!’
Season 2 was also pretty great. Spoiler alert: I could have done with more surprises. I was all like, ‘That just happened? Because I kind of expected that to happen.’
But season 3, you have me worried. Maybe I’m cynical because I’ve been hurt by television so recently, most specifically by How I Met Your Mother. I finally gave up on the show in the middle of season 8 when I took a long look at How I Met Your Mother and asked myself, Why are we still together? Sometimes you stay together because of history but the good times had probably ended in season 3, and that meant the majority of our history had been bad. And I couldn’t shake the feeling the show was laughing behind my back and thought I was an idiot.
I’ve been hurt by Community season 4. The first 3 seasons were brilliantly funny, but NBC decided it was too quirky to appeal to a broad audience, fired the creator and writers, and hired a new team to make it formulaic and unfunny. Mission accomplished. I stopped watching shortly after the season premiere. I’ve been playing board games with my sons instead. Thanks, NBC.
New Girl season 2 is already looking a little long in the tooth and I’m predicting I’ll lose interest by next year, but I’ll probably keep watching for quite a few bad seasons just as long as Zooey Deschanel still has big eyes and shiny hair.
Those are the only shows I watch. (Except for Who’s the Boss? We’re watching it as a family and at the end of each episode we debate who was the boss for the episode. Spoiler alert: Mona.)
Don’t let me down, season 3. I love the writing. I love the 5-minute monologues when so many other shows opt for fast edits in the hopes of tricking the audience into believing something exciting just happened. I do have one complaint: I could do with fewer boobs. Maybe even none at all. For a show in which characters are constantly talking about how cold it is, and direly predicting ‘winter is coming,’ shouldn’t the women be wearing more clothing? It’s distracting to constantly add topless women to the background for no apparent reason. Is there an HBO guy in charge of adding unnecessary boobs to scenes? I’m not a prude, I’m just worried you’re going to ruin boobs through over-familiarity, relegating them to the category of window dressing.
I’m not difficult to please, just promise me that King Joffrey will die this season. Maybe even twice. Don’t let me down, Game of Thrones, season 3. You’re all the television I have left. I’m getting too old to start over again.
The Good Greatsby 
She's a Maineiac
March 29, 2013
Oh, Community! Why, dear god, WHY?! My heart is broken with this show. I may not ever recover. Maybe they’ll give Abed and Troy a spin-off series. “Troy and Abed in the moooornin’!”
New Girl is getting much better this season. Lots of sexual tension is being acted upon. And I don’t mean between Winston and Schimdt.
I’ve never seen GOT, I’ll be sure to tell my husband about the ‘boob background’ and maybe he’ll start watching it.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
Don’t tell your husband I was complaining about the boobs.
Go Jules Go
March 29, 2013
1. Give up on “The New Girl”? You? Never! It’s probably my favorite show, at least until the will-they-won’t-they thing wears off.
2. “Ruin boobs through overfamiliarity”… I hate to be the one to say this, but you really did just get a red “X” on your man card. Two more and they kick you out of the club.
3. Did you see Peter Dinklage on The Daily Show recently? He’s amazing.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
I was worried about losing my man card by complaining about the abundance of boobs, but I remembered none of my guy friends read my blog.
sporadicblogger
March 30, 2013
Your male friends don’t read your blog but you wife does. In which case your husband card just got an upgrade. 🙂
1pointperspective
March 29, 2013
Finally, a logical connection between “Game of Thrones” and “How I Met Your Mother” !
I think I can explain the over-abundance of boobs. The producers of “Game of Thrones”, “Boardwalk Empire” and “The Borgias” had each been concerned with the lack of natural breasts in Hollywood (or Teaneck or wherever they film these days). Any historian could tell you that there were not silicone boobies in the olden days or in the mystical land of Narnia. Each production team went all-out to get as many actresses as they could who didn’t yet have surgically enhanced knockers. Obviously, they all under-estimated the number of naturals available, and were soon faced with a glut of actresses who may not have brought much else to the table.
The logical solution was to just drop topless women into damn near any scene they could. I’m reminded of the scene in Boardwalk Empire where Nucky Thompson walks into the shop for some salt water taffy and surprises two salesgirls who were sweeping up without their blouses on. I thought that was somewhat gratuitous. I had some misgivings, but I kept watching despite the partially clad women.
Honestly, the sacrifices I make for these guys!
Kim
March 29, 2013
Dude, yeah. Who does that?
It’s one thing when you’re changing, or lounging around the house, but dude. in a store?
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
HBO seems intent on only greenlighting shows featuring a significant percentage of prostitute storylines so they can feature boobs as organically as possible.
1pointperspective
March 29, 2013
“Showtime” doesn’t have a choice, since the name of their network is essentially synonymous with “Peephole”
Phil Taylor
March 31, 2013
Like
Emily Cannell
March 29, 2013
I think the B in HBO stands for boobs. They love em. But I’m really about equality- so- HBO- don’t forget the guys.
Dana
March 29, 2013
Hahaha. Love it, Emily!
susielindau
March 29, 2013
I watched the last two episodes of Community and loved them! Now I am worried. Either you didn’t see their brilliance since you turned it off, or I am one of those lame middle of the broad audience people.
I turned on Thrones during a very cold winter scene when 5-6 men on horseback rode through a tunnel into a forest where a bunch of people had been dismembered. Heads, arms, torsos, toes and legs were cast about and blood darkened the white snow.
I screamed to Danny, “Turn it off! Turn it off!” He couldn’t find the button on the remote. I finally jumped up from my comfy spot on the couch and ripped the cable from the wall!!!!!!
1pointperspective
March 29, 2013
A guy at work told me about Game of Thrones
He said, ” You gotta watch it – every scene someone is either getting beheaded or there are naked women”
I was glad that there weren’t any topless women being beheaded – that would have been in bad taste.
zookyworld
April 4, 2013
Seriously bad taste! Even “Shameless” won’t stoop that low, and that show can stoop really low.
She's a Maineiac
March 29, 2013
Susie, just watch the first season or so of Community and you’ll be blown away. I’ll still watch that show, even as it goes downhill.
susielindau
March 29, 2013
I will! It’s my son’s favorite and I think he has them on DVD.. 🙂
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
That was the very first scene of the first season. That was a great scene. Give it another try.
susielindau
March 29, 2013
Great??? It was gross! Okay…..
prttynpnk
March 29, 2013
I think we can all get behind several horrible things happening to Joffrey- perhaps involving a wild animal and a pointed stick.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
There’s nothing sympathetic about that guy. He’s one of the all-time villains.
prttynpnk
March 29, 2013
He should move to Woodbury and hang out with the Governor!
mistyslaws
March 29, 2013
People keep talking about this Game of Thrones like it is the new Mad Men. Neither of which I have ever seen. Then again, I am apparently a glutton for punishment and continuing bad TV, because I am STILL on board with HIMYM & Community. I just love Joel McHale. I don’t think I can give him up. But yeah, this season . . . sheesh. As for HIMYM. I feel like I’ve invested too much of my life already into that show, but I refuse to quit it until I MEET THE MOTHER ALREADY. Seriously, TV. You’re killing me here.
She's a Maineiac
March 29, 2013
..another vote for Joel McHale. I am in love with that man.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
He’s pretty great. It’s a shame his talent and handsomeness are being wasted this season.
Hippie Cahier
March 29, 2013
Spoiler alert: He meets their mother, Zooey Deschanel, on the set of Game of Thrones in a heated argument over whether the topless scenes in Community were jumping the shark or avant garde network programming.
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2013
Finally, a development that could make me start watching How I Met Your Mother again.
charlywalker
March 29, 2013
I love G. O .T…….I’m with you ..it better not suck. However, I do have a back up show that has yet to let me down…I’m a Duck Dynasty Junkie..best comedy I’ve seen in decades.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2013
I’ve yet to check out Duck Dynasty. Please tell me it doesn’t have any boobs.
1pointperspective
March 29, 2013
Shameless, best thing on pay TV. William H. Macy is hysterical and the rest of the cast is stellar. Also, boobies.
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2013
I’d give it a try but I’m all boobied out.
Phil Taylor
March 31, 2013
Man card revoked. You can re-apply in three years.
silkpurseproductions
April 1, 2013
Shameless is brilliant! Just when you think they can’t shock you any more. They do, and there is another whole level of brilliance.
1pointperspective
April 2, 2013
When I finally decide to dump pay TV, I’ll miss Shameless. I’m gonna take all the money I save down to the Alibi and buy a round for the gang.
Anna
March 29, 2013
WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?!
But yelling aside, I agree with everything you have said.
Laura
March 29, 2013
I’ve never seen Game of Thrones — I keep waiting for it to come out on Netflix. But now you’ve completely spoiled seasons 1 and 2 for me. Thanks a lot.
Dana
March 29, 2013
I watched the first season as a marathon on New Year’s Eve 2 years ago. It was totally awkward, though, because we were watching it with a 12-year old kid and his parents. The gratuitous boobs AND the pre-teen boy made for a bad scene. I don’t want that kid to get into high school expecting boobs everywhere. It ain’t gonna happen…
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2013
It’s definitely not a show for kids. In addition to the nudity it’s the most violent show I’ve ever seen.
Cassy
March 29, 2013
I definitely have high hopes for season 3! How can you go wrong with yunno mystical creatures that blow fires out of their mouths?! Is that too much of a spoiler? Oh well! How I met Your Mother has left me a little down… It would have been awesome if this was the final season, but it’s not. 😦
philosophermouseofthehedge
March 30, 2013
I know. I know. But some get thrills out of breaking people’s hearts
thesinglecell
March 30, 2013
I don’t watch any of these shows you’ve mentioned, partly because I don’t have HBoobO and partly because i just don’t. But I did hear that Lord Greatjon Umber had part of his ear bitten off in a tussle at a Newcastle Travelodge (You’d like to think Lord Umber wouldn’t be in a Travelodge, but there he was). Which makes him a bad-ass. Then I heard that, on the show, he got his fingers bitten off by a wolf and then he was like, “Well-played, wolf. I bow to your badassery.”
I don’t know why I know this much about this show, but the point is, all my guy friends who watch it are totally into the sex. So I appreciate your appreciation of boobs as things not to be overindulged on for fear of loss of appreciation.
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2013
The show is pretty awesome on its own and doesn’t require boobs to keep our attention.
List of X
March 30, 2013
I read all the Game of Thrones books last year, because I was too cheap to get HBO (or a TV, for a start). But now that I have both, would you say the show could still surprise me with anything, other than the quantity of boobs?
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2013
I’d be interested to hear whether the book version features a comparable amount of boobs.
Valentine Logar
March 30, 2013
The books are far more complex. The books are great. The books are worth reading. But, unlike so many shows GOT does a very good job of translating from the books.
I am with you I am begging them not to disappoint.
List of X
March 31, 2013
The books do feature plenty of nudity. Except there are no actual pictures, so I always had to take Martin’s word for it.
Lunar Euphoria
March 30, 2013
Season 1 was the business. I think I screamed at the end of every episode. I just started the second season, but I’m right there with you — King Joffrey needs to die multiple times.
Phil Taylor
March 31, 2013
Apparently I’ve got some HBO to get watching. Problem is that I’ve got three teenage boys. If they find out there’s a show with boobs I’ll never get them away from the t.v.
thatfunnyblogguy
April 1, 2013
Revisiting your eariler comment: I think you man card is subject to removal. But since I am only a male reader of your blog, and not actually one or your male friends, I think this judgement is out of my jurisdiction.
silkpurseproductions
April 1, 2013
So many things to say…
1) We have now seen the first episode of season 3. Where you disappointed? I was disappointed when it ended.
2) Agreed. Joffrey needs to die a horrible death. So does his mother.
3) I have not read the books however He-Who has and although he enjoys the show in his opinion the books are much better.
4) The boob thing does not even register. We watched a season of “Gladiator” and I am pretty sure it was just porn. Not even soft core porn. Just porn. It seems to have put everything else on a different level so “Game of Thrones” and “Shameless” seem kind of tame as far as the boobs go.
trishdar
April 3, 2013
I think I now understand why my friend who introduced me to GOT says “that was totally tits man!!” instead of that was awesome like normal people.
I think they should put joffrey in a prison cell with the shadow thing, and make him drop his soap everyday!!!! But dying multiple times works too i guess ………..
brownponytail
April 3, 2013
the only disappointment i felt with the season 3 premiere was when the screen went black. i literally went NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
New Girl is still really funny and cute- some episodes more than others, but in general it’s keeping up the greatness- that’s my two cents of zooey deschanel 😀
have you given “vikings” a go? a new hbo show. dont know what to think of it, watched the first two episodes, and was kind of disappointed. not enough boobs, in my opinion. didn’t knock my socks off- maybe because i had high hopes for it, but yeah…
zookyworld
April 4, 2013
I liked the premiere of season 3 and realized I had forgotten how complicated the story was. I shouldn’t have been, since I discovered the series last year after season 2 was over, and I inhaled seasons 1 and 2 like the addictive drug it is. After I finished the last episode available from On Demand, I shouted “Why?!” to the heavens and couldn’t stop shaking for 4 days.
setinmotion
April 8, 2013
I keep hearing how back Community Season 4 is and I’ve been too terrified to watch the season premiere. Either I won’t find it funny and the illusion of its awesomeness will be shattered, or perhaps even worse, I WILL find it funny and I’m one of the masses that Community watches hate. Damnit.
kgbennett12
April 24, 2013
I’m currently watching the third season of How I Met Your Mother and I have to say that my trepidation grows with every passing day as people tell me that really, it all goes south from there. There is a part of me that refuses to believe such lies, but all the same, I am worried….
As a side note, I have just finished Game of Thrones Season 1 and thought that it was excellent. However I could not for the life of me figure out why Littlefinger was waxing lyrical about being a man while two woman had sex on a couch behind him. Evidently there was some great message that I missed.
HoaiPhai
July 4, 2013
Never seen the show… is it a History Channel series about the development of indoor plumbing?
goldieeee
August 11, 2013
Great post!
http://www.goldieeee.wordpress.com