Dear Game of Thrones, Season 3: Please Don’t Suck

Posted on March 29, 2013


Dear Game of Thrones, Season 3,

Please don’t suck.

I’ve been let down by television before, and I don’t think I could bear getting hurt again. Lately, I’ve felt television has been taking advantage of our relationship, violating our agreement that it would provide me with mindless escapism in exchange for me ignoring my family and books, and promising to purchase advertised products I don’t need and can’t afford. I’ve kept my end of the bargain.

I’ve been looking forward to the new season of Games of Thrones since last June. For months, whenever I overheard people talking about Game of Thrones I would scoot my chair up to their table and say, ‘Season 3 premieres on Sunday March 31.’ To give you some perspective on my excitement, whenever anyone asks me my kids’ birthdays, I answer, ‘One is in the spring. One is in the summer. Or maybe it’s the other way around.’

Season 1 was incredible. Spoiler alert: When that surprising thing happened, that was so surprising. I don’t want to give anything away, but I was all like, ‘That just happened? Really? Wow!’

Season 2 was also pretty great. Spoiler alert: I could have done with more surprises. I was all like, ‘That just happened? Because I kind of expected that to happen.’

But season 3, you have me worried. Maybe I’m cynical because I’ve been hurt by television so recently, most specifically by How I Met Your Mother. I finally gave up on the show in the middle of season 8 when I took a long look at How I Met Your Mother and asked myself, Why are we still together? Sometimes you stay together because of history but the good times had probably ended in season 3, and that meant the majority of our history had been bad. And I couldn’t shake the feeling the show was laughing behind my back and thought I was an idiot.

I’ve been hurt by Community season 4. The first 3 seasons were brilliantly funny, but NBC decided it was too quirky to appeal to a broad audience, fired the creator and writers, and hired a new team to make it formulaic and unfunny. Mission accomplished. I stopped watching shortly after the season premiere. I’ve been playing board games with my sons instead. Thanks, NBC.

New Girl season 2 is already looking a little long in the tooth and I’m predicting I’ll lose interest by next year, but I’ll probably keep watching for quite a few bad seasons just as long as Zooey Deschanel still has big eyes and shiny hair.

Those are the only shows I watch. (Except for Who’s the Boss? We’re watching it as a family and at the end of each episode we debate who was the boss for the episode. Spoiler alert: Mona.)

Don’t let me down, season 3. I love the writing. I love the 5-minute monologues when so many other shows opt for fast edits in the hopes of tricking the audience into believing something exciting just happened. I do have one complaint: I could do with fewer boobs. Maybe even none at all. For a show in which characters are constantly talking about how cold it is, and direly predicting ‘winter is coming,’ shouldn’t the women be wearing more clothing? It’s distracting to constantly add topless women to the background for no apparent reason. Is there an HBO guy in charge of adding unnecessary boobs to scenes? I’m not a prude, I’m just worried you’re going to ruin boobs through over-familiarity, relegating them to the category of window dressing.

I’m not difficult to please, just promise me that King Joffrey will die this season. Maybe even twice. Don’t let me down, Game of Thrones, season 3. You’re all the television I have left. I’m getting too old to start over again.

Posted in: Love Letters