So you’ve been dragged along to another garage sale. Here are eight tips for entertaining yourself or guaranteeing you won’t be asked to come next time.
1. Bring a picture of the friend/spouse accompanying you to the garage sale. If any old picture frames are for sale, hurry and insert the picture while nobody is looking. Your wife will get quite the shock when she flips through the frames and finds a picture of herself. “Hey, pal, do you mind explaining why you have a picture of my wife?”
2. Act agitated, look over your shoulder repeatedly, and ask if they have any garbage bags for sale. And a shovel. And gloves. And stain remover.
3. Try and buy things that clearly aren’t for sale like if the homeowner sets her glasses down for a minute, pick them up and ask how much. If she’s eating lunch and sets down her soda, pick it up and ask how much.
4. “If I buy the garage, you’re not going to have a problem with me living inside are you?”
5. Make very specific requests. If you see some trophies for sale, ask, “Do you have any fourth place bowling trophies?”
6. If any puzzles are for sale, pick one 500-piece puzzle and ask how much. Whatever price is given, act incredulous and ask, “Per piece?”
After the homeowner clarifies the price is for the whole puzzle, ask about the per piece price since you have the same puzzle at home and really only need to replace three missing pieces.
7. Ask what the homeowner does for a living. If it’s clear he has a college degree, ask where he went to school, appear impressed, and then ask if he’s still using his diploma or might be convinced to part with it for the right price.
8. As soon as you arrive start whining:
“Garage sale? Awww, man! I thought you said, ‘garage sail‘ as in sailing.”
“But that makes no sense? There’s no such thing as a garage sail.”
“That’s why I was so excited to sail on one.”
“But how would a garage sail?”
“I thought maybe it was just a really crappy houseboat.”
The Good Greatsby 
Carl D'Agostino
May 7, 2012
I stop for one now and then. The real trip is how much junk people accumulate. I mean really useless junk and yet there are people dying to buy it. I have found some treasures however.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
I’ve never had a garage sale because it would annoy me to watch people pass over and snub their noses at the things I once liked and now snub my nose at. “Do you think you’re too good for the things I no longer want?”
Laura
May 7, 2012
I wish I’d read this when I was 10. My mom used to drag me to garage sales every week, and I’m still not sure how I managed not to die from boredom.
Pumpkin von Bandersnatch
May 7, 2012
Great stuff! How about, 9. bring your own useless junk, stuff you think might already be there, and try to undercut the homeowner when people approach them about similar items
Spectra
May 8, 2012
Awesome! My gararage-Sale-Plan-of-Action thickens!
She's a Maineiac
May 7, 2012
The worst is when people show up at 8 am and start roaming around your porch and yard offering you a quarter for your stuff when you’re not even having a garage sale.
Carl D'Agostino
May 7, 2012
! ! !
little blog of happy
May 7, 2012
This can really happen! We were renovating a townhouse once, and our carport was full of stuff. One day there was a family wondering around looking at everything. They wanted to buy my kids’ bikes. No offers for the kids, just the bikes!
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
Ha! Luckily we’ve never had a garage so we’ve managed to avoid that problem.
bearmancartoons
May 7, 2012
I will def steal the picture idea…though my wife is too snobby to garage sale
Lunar Euphoria
May 7, 2012
I haven’t been dragged to a garage sale in years, but after reading this I want to find one to try out a few suggestions.
Roly
May 7, 2012
LOL I’d get shot if I tried that here 🙂
Soma Mukherjee
May 7, 2012
😆 you are so funny.. and though all of them are gem of ideas the first one and the puzzle one rocks 😆
Kathryn McCullough
May 7, 2012
HIlarious, Paul. I don’t know how you come up with this stuff. I especially love 2-3-and 4!
Michelle Gillies
May 7, 2012
You must have been at every garage sales I ever attempted! I am sure I have witnessed 1 thru 7. Not #8 though. That is one I can say I have never experienced.
I use to think garage sales were fun to have or to attend, until I had to have one. My first yard sale I was on my own, had a run in with the Big “C” and was desperate to pay bills. I had some lovely things of value that I hated to part with. The vultures showed up at the crack of dawn and every single one of them tried to rip me off. Within an hour I was in tears and walked away saying, “I can’t watch this anymore” and spent the rest of the day face down in my bed. Two friends that were helping did their best but it was quite an eyeopener. Needless to say…older, wiser, and not a yard sale kind of gal.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
There are always people who will try and haggle not only at garage sales but also at charity book or bake sales. It’s very discouraging.
susielindau
May 7, 2012
I was the garage sale queen for decades (two) until I looked around my house and said, “Uncle.”
Thoughts and Rants in Jogging Pants
May 7, 2012
I spent the entire decade of the 80s going to garage sales with my mom hoping there would be 45 single records there. I remember getting ‘Mr. Roboto’ by Styx and ‘Maneater’ by Hall & Oates. But man if there were no records there……….. I’d keep myself entertained by making fart sounds with my armpits. I was young.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
I still look for records–although not at garage sales–and I just saw a bunch of Styx and Hall & Oates on Sunday.
prttynpnk
May 7, 2012
I’m waiting for a house that is close to ours so I can point indignantly at items and claim they are actually mine. Perhaps I’ll bring a box along and start loading up.
Jackie Cangro
May 7, 2012
Here in Brooklyn, most of us don’t have garages, so we have stoop sales. Same concept, but I suspect that point #4 wouldn’t work out well. I mean, you could try to buy the stoop, but would you really want to live on it?
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
I’d make people pay to use the stoop to gain access to the front door.
Howlin' Mad Heather
May 7, 2012
Pretend to be a mafioso looking for some lost stash…I’ve done that before. Great post!
Tor Constantino, MBA (@torcon)
May 7, 2012
G2, quick clarifying question – are Garage Sales prevalent in China?
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
Not prevalent at all. It’s rare to even see a garage.
little blog of happy
May 7, 2012
I would rather poke a stick in my eye than go to a garage sale.
little blog of happy
May 7, 2012
And I would rather poke sticks in both eyes than actually have a garage sale. There you have to deal with people driving up in their Mercedes, offering you 10 cents for something worth $20 that you have priced for $1. I want to punch them. I’d rather just give it all to charity!! I think I need to go take my blood pressure medication now. Besides, last time my husband and youngest son had a garage sale, they sold my bike and my golf bag drink holder. (I didn’t really care about the bike, but they sold the drink holder for 25 cents, and I’d just paid $15 for it at Golftown.)
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
I find it sad to poke through other people’s old memories and I find it sad to have other people rummaging through my old memories, so all in all garage sales leave me feeling pretty sad.
Clay Morgan (@ClayMorganPA)
May 7, 2012
Cracking up!
spilledinkguy
May 7, 2012
Looks like a very buoyant garage you have here, sir…
*kicks at down spouts ‘used car lot style’*
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
“What kind of mileage does this garage get?”
gerknoop
May 8, 2012
I am TOTALLY going to use that “per piece” for the puzzle thing! ha ha ha ha ha!
OH and the 4th place trophy! ha ha ha ha!
Dana
May 8, 2012
The puzzle suggestion is GENIUS!
Here in Victoria, there’s an annual event called “Garagellenium”. An entire district hosts their Garage Sales on the same day, so you can hit up to 250 of them in one convenient 10-block radius! I went once and had enough garage sales for the rest of my life.
Random
May 8, 2012
Excellent ideas! These make me want to go to garage sales now.
Thomas Stazyk
May 8, 2012
Wear a cravat and put on a lispy English accent and tell the host/hostess that their collection i worth millions.
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
It would be also be funny to hide a copy of a famous artifact or collectible and watch someone else discover it.
pattisj
May 8, 2012
This will make it a lot more fun next time!
bschooled
May 8, 2012
I usually just pull out my measuring tape and start taking measurements of the walls. Then I walk up to the owner and say, “Okay, I’ll take it. But only on one condition: You need to clean all this junk out first…”
Kim
May 8, 2012
Or you can pick 6 pieces out of the previously mentioned 500-piece puzzle and inquire on pricing per individual piece… stating that these pieces will be replacements for the 494-piece puzzle you have at home
Kim
May 8, 2012
…and next time I’ll finish reading your entry before rushing down here to make a comment!!! maybe…
The Good Greatsby
May 8, 2012
Ha! But it proves great minds think alike.
Binky
May 8, 2012
I try number three all the time but have never had any luck with it. Wives and dogs are apparently rarely for sale.
Rob Rubin
May 8, 2012
I love it when a Mexican family of 20 rolls up in 1986 Ford Bronco and walks around like they own the place, demanding that they give you that old PlayStation 1 for $2 (instead of $5). I usually say, “Sure, but the controller’s gonna cost you $20.” They usually then mutter something in Spanish that I assume is a death threat and leave. We need more haggling in this world.
Ricky Anderson
May 9, 2012
And racism. We totally need more of that.
Rob Rubin
May 9, 2012
I am not racist. Maybe my comment was a bit off color simply because we just had a garage sale recently and that episode was fresh in my mind.
Or maybe I forgot to take my meds today.
Ricky Anderson
May 9, 2012
Fair enough. Cheapskates are indeed frustrating.
List of X
May 8, 2012
It’s a known fact that people who are more affluent tend to have better stuff on their garage sales. So I am holding out for Bill Gates’ or Mark Zuckerberg’s garage sale.
HoaiPhai
May 8, 2012
Thanks for the tips! The two things I like to do at garage sales is buy up all the good stuff fairly early on and then set up my own table on the sidewalk and sell all their good stuff at twice the price I paid for it. If I don’t happen to have a folding table with me, I’ll just roam around CrazyGluing all their stuff to their tables.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a garage sale in my neighbourhood (I wonder why). Maybe I’ll just post a bunch of signs saying that my neighbour who keeps his barking dogs out all night are having a sale that starts at 6:00 a.m.
Ricky Anderson
May 9, 2012
Had a lot of fun going to garage sales growing up.
My dad and I used to go with just a dollar each and see who could bring back the most stuff.
georgettesullins
May 10, 2012
About #3. That’s why we have to close the garage door or the contents become fodder. Riding lawnmower, weed eaters (plural), power tools, now who in their right mind would think we’d put those up for sale? Now if someone wants the box of I can’t remember what’s in that one, FREE.