How to Entertain Yourself at a Garage Sale

Posted on May 7, 2012


So you’ve been dragged along to another garage sale. Here are eight tips for entertaining yourself or guaranteeing you won’t be asked to come next time.

1. Bring a picture of the friend/spouse accompanying you to the garage sale. If any old picture frames are for sale, hurry and insert the picture while nobody is looking. Your wife will get quite the shock when she flips through the frames and finds a picture of herself. “Hey, pal, do you mind explaining why you have a picture of my wife?”

2. Act agitated, look over your shoulder repeatedly, and ask if they have any garbage bags for sale. And a shovel. And gloves. And stain remover.

3. Try and buy things that clearly aren’t for sale like if the homeowner sets her glasses down for a minute, pick them up and ask how much. If she’s eating lunch and sets down her soda, pick it up and ask how much.

4. “If I buy the garage, you’re not going to have a problem with me living inside are you?”

5. Make very specific requests. If you see some trophies for sale, ask, “Do you have any fourth place bowling trophies?”

6. If any puzzles are for sale, pick one 500-piece puzzle and ask how much. Whatever price is given, act incredulous and ask, “Per piece?”

After the homeowner clarifies the price is for the whole puzzle, ask about the per piece price since you have the same puzzle at home and really only need to replace three missing pieces.

7. Ask what the homeowner does for a living. If it’s clear he has a college degree, ask where he went to school, appear impressed, and then ask if he’s still using his diploma or might be convinced to part with it for the right price.

8. As soon as you arrive start whining:

“Garage sale? Awww, man! I thought you said, ‘garage sail‘ as in sailing.”
“But that makes no sense? There’s no such thing as a garage sail.”
“That’s why I was so excited to sail on one.”
“But how would a garage sail?”
“I thought maybe it was just a really crappy houseboat.”

Posted in: Columns