You may know Canadian Justin Bieber as the teen heartthrob who made $53 million last year, most notably for singing the song Baby which repeated the word “baby” 54 times, almost exactly $1 million per “baby”. If you forget the words, just try shouting “baby” and the odds are in your favor.
If you haven’t heard of The Bieb, maybe you were too busy wasting your time reading books.
J-Bieb recently unveiled his new fragrance for women, called Someday. I assume the name “Someday” is meant to be a tantalizing secret message directed at his older fans, as in someday I’ll be eighteen and you won’t feel so creepy about crushing on me. Check out the Someday commercial below as Optimus Bieb takes a lucky girl on a piggyback ride through the clouds. I swear this is not a parody.
The Biebs’ fragrance is only the first of a planned range of JBiebz counter-intuitive products including anti-wrinkle cream, male pattern baldness medication, and an advice book on how to meet girls.
Biebersaurus Rex makes a lot of money, so who am I to question his management team, but is a women’s fragrance the best branding move for a 100 pound adolescent boy with a high voice, wind-swept hair, and killer cheekbones?
Are you a Belieber?
I doubt the fragrance will be successful because I don’t think a woman wants a man to lean in close, inhale her perfume, and whisper any of the following:
“Mmm…is that Justin Bieber I smell?”
“There’s something different about you tonight, something that reminds me of a prepubescent boy.”
“So are you going to invite me up for video games and Kool-Aid, or what?”
“Am I the luckiest guy in the world? Not only do you look like Justin Bieber, but you smell like him, too!”
“We’re the perfect match! You’re wearing Justin Bieber and I’m wearing Hannah Montana!”
Has anybody heard if the Biebster plans a fragrance for men? I’m not asking for me but for a friend of mine that none of you know.
Check out my interview by blogger, frequent commenter, and occasional alibi, Ellie Anne Soderstrom: Interview with Monsieur Jean L’Assant D’Angelo Hyacinth, the master thief
The Good Greatsby 
color.me.vegan
July 8, 2011
Hahaha! That’s pretty hilarious… My favorite part was : “There’s something different about you tonight, something that reminds me of a prepubescent boy.” 🙂 Great job. -V.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
Isn’t that the effect every woman is going for?
subWOW
July 8, 2011
The girl in the commercial is about a decade older than his fanbase. I guess he can’t really use one of the real fans because that’d be illegal right?
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
It’s probably illegal for him to give a piggyback ride to an eleven-year-old.
thelifeofjamie
July 8, 2011
I hate that kid! Every time he opens his mouth I want to punch him in the face, but I need to wait until he turns 18. You forgot to mention his nail polish line. I think he is on his way to gender reassignment. If he grows out his hair, he will look just like a girl, and he already has a nail polish and now a women’s perfume…I would beat the crap out of him if he was a girl too.
She's a Maineiac
July 8, 2011
I am so with you on that.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I’m guessing you won’t be asking for the perfume for your birthday.
Lorna's Voice
July 8, 2011
Remember Beatlemania? Paul could have endorsed a fragrance called “Yesterday” and it would have sold like, well, the “Help” album did. I guess real musicians (of any era) don’t have to diversify like “Beibersaurus Rex” (good one!).
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
Paul McCartney is way higher than Bieber on my list of people who deserve a fragrance.
She's a Maineiac
July 8, 2011
If only I could figure out what everyone sees or smells in him. Oh yeah, kool-aid and video games rock, dude. I think he may actually be Hannah Montana in a bad wig.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I don’t smell it either.
pegoleg
July 8, 2011
Wish the Biebster’s management team HAD called you first- you’re so right. Am I the only one thinking the oversized bottle top is pretty femtacular?
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
My wife commented on the suggestive bottle top the moment she saw it.
educlaytion
July 8, 2011
I’m not a Belieber. Didn’t realize this existed. A fragrance for women? Uhh….. Here’s some other items that make that much sense:
1) Dakota Fanning aftershave
2) Vin Diesel nail polish
3) Jersey Shore tutoring service
With time, I’m sure we could make this a great list.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
All great suggestions. I would buy all of those products.
reneedavies
July 10, 2011
HAHAHA!
Anonymous Betty
July 8, 2011
Oh c’mon … leave the Biebster alone … he’s such a pretty little girl.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I did compliment his cheekbones. I thought he would be thrilled about that.
EllieAnn
July 8, 2011
You mean that anytime I spray on this perfume I’ll either have the Justinator smelling at my neck, or possibly junior high girls smelling my neck, while thinking of Bieber smelling their necks?
I think I would’ve liked the ad better if Justin had on a green felt Peter Pan hat and green tights.
And thanks for the hilarious interview!
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I wonder if they were hoping the flying would make us think of Peter Pan.
HoaiPhai
July 8, 2011
I just hope someone sent Selena Gomez a note informing her of this… it just might prevent her from laying a smack-down on some poor gal (or guy) that is sporting the same pong as The Bieb, thinking she has been rubbing up against him.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I’m sure life must be very tough for Selena Gomez right now.
Kim Pugliano
July 8, 2011
I’m still stuck on the part of the commercial where he’s hanging onto her for dear life and he has a gigantic smile on his face. He must be holding onto her butt.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I’ll have to watch that part again. The commercial just keeps on giving me more things to laugh about.
Tori Nelson
July 8, 2011
He makes my eye twitch. Now he can make my eyes water and itch. Perfect 🙂
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
He seems to have that effect on people.
Meet the Buttrams
July 8, 2011
I saw the giant poster promoting his fragrance (aroma? That sounds dirty) at the mall the other day. I was confused. And perplexed. And intrigued. And then I bought some new shoes. The end.
Great spot at Ellie’s. That reminds me, I need to take down my Monet so I can use the frame to hang my certificate of artistry I got after sending in my drawing of a cartoon turtle and bear. Now that’s impressive.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
Everyone is bored with Monet but very few have seen your drawing of a cartoon turtle and bear.
girlonthecontrary
July 8, 2011
Um, is no one else bothered by the fact that the bottle top of this teenage boys fragrance looks a bit like a vagina? Because that was my first thought. And also, when I saw the commercial I kind of felt like it had an undertone of abstinence. Like “Someday you’ll get to do the horizontal dougie with me. Someday. Not today. But someday.” Or maybe I was just influenced by the bottle.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
My wife mentioned the same thing to me about the bottle design. I think the design would be a bit odd regardless of the target demographic but being marketed to teens and tweens by a teen boy makes it especially creepy.
Kim Pugliano
July 10, 2011
OH MY GOD IT DOES!!! How has this gone unnoticed? This means something, I just know it does. Sick sick sick!
spilledinkguy
July 8, 2011
At least I’ve got the 100 pound thing going for me.
That’s easily… one out of five.
I’m like, so totally on my way to pop-stardom. Totally.
🙂
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
Based on your icon photo, I assumed you had the killer cheekbones down as well.
spilledinkguy
July 10, 2011
Ha!
Rumor is my gravitar has had some work done…
Bridgesburning Chris King
July 8, 2011
Well I love the Bieb….age and lust have no place in the same sentence..just kidding..really..if I want to lust after a youth it would be Taylor Lautner…aka Jacob…
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
If Jacob catches your fancy you might actually consider the Justin Bieber fragrance as the perfume most likely to attract prepubescent boys.
gerknoop
July 9, 2011
Throwing my head back in laughter! Thanks for starting my morning right!! Your like a daily vitamin for me now! LOL
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
If you’re using my blog as a substitute for all other vitamins you might consider consulting with a doctor to confirm if that is safe.
Annie
July 9, 2011
I hate to say it, but you know they will sell un-belieb-able amounts of that stuff.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I belieb it.
paulbeforeswine
July 9, 2011
Justin Bieber is a BOY? GTFO…
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
The fragrance for women isn’t helping to sell people on his gender.
Kim
July 9, 2011
That commercial was just…. wow. Thank goodness Dickie didn’t come in here and catch a glimpse of it…
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I think anyone watching the commercial feels nervous someone will come in the room and ask some tough questions.
Paige Kellerman
July 9, 2011
If only I’d had this while I was still on the prowl. I had to snag Husband with the whole “Calgon, take me away” spiel. It scares me to imagine how much better I could’ve done…
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
The next generation will never understand the primitive lengths women went to to attract a man before the age of Bieber’s fragrance.
youngamericanwisdom.com
July 9, 2011
Rumor has it that The Biebs has his bodyguard burn his undies each evening for fear that his love struck fans will steal his panties and sell them on Ebay. My 11-year-old daughter told me…so it must be true.
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I’ve heard that rumor as well, although I heard he feared the undies would be used by mad scientists to collect DNA and create a Bieber clone army.
Tattoos, love and lunacy...
July 9, 2011
Wow, I had escaped seeing that ad before now. Are you SURE it’s not a parody? 😉
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
I thought it might be a parody the first time but the commercial can also be found on the official fragrance website.
gojulesgo
July 9, 2011
I am loving all of the new and exciting ways everyone is incorporating “Bieber” into everyday words, but am also having a hard time with this commercial. Did you see his skit with Jimmy Fallon (fake fragrance commercial)? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj2n10sSrxI
The Good Greatsby
July 9, 2011
Linguists predict fifty years from now half of all English words will contain some version of Bieber.
I’ll check out the Fallon sketch. How do you parody something that already seems like a parody?
ryoko861
July 9, 2011
W-T-F?????
Boy, is he milking his name or what? It could probably smell like cow shit and he’ll still make a mint!
And he’s the kind of kid that’ll be 40 and still look like he’s 17.
andrewcota
July 9, 2011
justin bieber anti-wrinkle cream… somewhere his manager is trying to make that happen. i can see it now. “do you want boyish prepubescent skin? Just rub Bieber cream all over your face and you too can look like youre back in elementary school!”
Bearman
July 9, 2011
Why can’t they make a perfume that smells like baking cookies. I’d like that smell on a woman.
gmom
July 9, 2011
Ahhh the wafting aroma of jock-strap. Now bottled and ready for sale at Macy’s! Of course…by Justin Boober.
Thomas Stazyk
July 9, 2011
The sad thing is that if we didn’t buy this s**t and these manufactured commodity artists we wouldn’t be swimming in it.
Jeane
July 9, 2011
I feel dirty just watching this! Now I am going to have to get the perfume…just to get the vomit smell off. Thanks a lot–baby!
bluebee
July 9, 2011
Perhaps he’ll look back one day and wish the ground would swallow him up (but then again, perhaps not…)
Hi, I'm Natalie.
July 9, 2011
I’m going to go bleach my eyes now. Thanks for that.
sm1tt3nk1tt3n
July 9, 2011
The cap of the bottle next to JBiebz is very suggestive. It’s creepy. 😐
On other news, you forgot to mention that the fragrance comes in a gift set, with lotion and body wash, which will go on sale right around Christmas so you can give it to people who will never use them. Yay.
limr
July 9, 2011
Someday he’ll be a real boy?
cooper
July 9, 2011
as is frequently stated on verydemotivational.com….it’s still not as gay as Twilight….
flippingchannels
July 9, 2011
Wow. I will never be able to forget that. Every horrible fragrance ad I see for the rest of my life will be judged against this one.
reneedavies
July 10, 2011
I can’t imagine Bieber being the mastermind behind commercials or the fragrances. But I do imagine ridiculous men and maybe burly women in their late forties, drinking Starbucks around a conference table dreaming up ways to profit on the Bieber craze.
Beth, just being me
July 11, 2011
“We’re the perfect match! You’re wearing Justin Bieber and I’m wearing Hannah Montana!”
this made me laugh out loud!!!
AvesMomma
July 20, 2011
The nail polish line was disturbing enough…and that commercial is well… are they old enough to be implying what they’re implying because I just don’t think so! this kid gives me the creeps.
seo
February 1, 2012
Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for first-time blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.