Wednesday in Three Acts: One Sentence Stories/Tweets You May Have Missed/Caption Contest Finalists

Act One: Three One Sentence Stories

1. Get a Room!

“Get a room, you two!” I shouted at the couple making out in front of me as they stood at the hotel check-in desk, waiting for me to rent them a room.

2. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

“Yes, my pretty, continue to dance like nobody is watching, and ignore the zoom lens noise your heating vent is making.”

3. Your Love is Like…

Her overuse of similes drove us apart like two magnets placed end to end.

Act Two: Great(sby) Tweets You May Have Missed (especially if you hate Twitter)

1. Heart skipped a beat when I saw the headline Canadian Parliament Dissolved, but good news, they don’t mean dissolved in acid.

2. Apples and oranges are actually fairly comparable: fruit, round, seeds, peel. I prefer saying: it’s like comparing apples and the Holocaust.

3. One thing I can’t stand about our technology obsessed society is when people say stop breaking into my email account.

Act Three: Caption Contest Finalists

Thanks to everyone who submitted captions in this week’s contest.  The quality of the collective submissions was the best so far, and I had difficulty narrowing it down to ten.  I wrote those ten captions on slips of paper and placed them outside my window sill and decided the last five not to blow away would be the finalists.  All day long I watched those ten slips of paper rustle slightly in the wind, but they all held fast to the windowsill.  I told my wife this must be a sign from the caption gods to allow ten finalists, but she seemed less than impressed with this miracle as she reminded me I had painted the windowsill earlier that day.  The first five captions I was able to peel from the paint made the finals.

The winner will:

1. Receive a recognition post and a link to his/her site.

2. Be able to ride in the front seat if we travel anywhere together.

3. Be able to wear horizontal stripes and actually look slimmer.

Cast your vote in the caption contest.  (Pssst…don’t tell anyone I told you this, but you can vote once each day)

A. As the price of helium skyrocketed the Balloon Man had to wonder, was it him she loved? Or only his gas? (flippingchannels)

B. Gus realized he would need a lot more balloons if he hoped to rise to the level where “Brokeneck” Betty would notice him. (thedailyhello)

C. As Limpin’ Larry laid eyes on the beautiful stranger for the first time, he wondered why he had not brought a fancier walking stick with him. (officeoddities)

D. Again, Fart Helium Guy was beaten to the girl by the Invisible Man. Proof that we can chose our friends but we can’t chose our nemeses. Or our superpower. (motionandrest)

E. From “Missed Connections”: