The slap of our hands cut through the air and reverberated off the walls. Each of us stared at our hands, frozen in the air, both unsure of what we had just experienced. We spoke in unison, “What just happened?”
July 28, 2011 started like any other day. I got out of bed and put my pants on both legs at a time (a long-standing policy meant to contradict those who say we all put our pants on one leg at a time), little suspecting that by the end of the day I would have made history for being one half of the world’s greatest high five.
For those of you unfamiliar with the high five or how it works, allow me to cite Wikipedia:
The high five is a celebratory hand gesture that occurs when two people simultaneously raise one hand, about head high, and push, slide or slap the flat of their palm and hand against the palm and flat hand of their partner. The gesture is often preceded verbally by the phrase “Give me five” or “High five”.
Wikipedia cites the first high five as probably taking place in the late seventies, although I’m sure history must have witnessed earlier instances of accidental high fiving. Maybe hundreds of years ago two myopic farmers waved to each other without realizing how close they were standing and accidentally slapped hands, and the two never repeated the gesture because religious pressures of the day made them experience shame for how awesome the high five made them feel.
My friend Arran and I have long discussed the finer points of a good high five. It can’t be too hard and should never sting the hand. It shouldn’t be too soft or no energy will be created and the two high fivers will wonder if the impotence of the high five somehow reflects their relationship. The hand shouldn’t be completely flat, but should offer a very slight cupping shape that flattens at the moment of impact. The point of exact impact is also important and Arran is a proponent of looking at the other party’s elbow instead of the palm as a trick to ensure perfect placement. If the speed, strength, hand cupping, and strikepoint placement are done properly, positive energy will be created and transferred to both participants, who will have created for themselves a momentary connection of brotherly goodwill.
After our last dress rehearsal in Shanghai before coming to Edinburgh, I attended a small party with friends, little knowing that history was about to be made. I said to Arran, “Can you believe we’re going to Edinburgh to perform in the Fringe?” Arran and I raised our hands to high five, neither of us suspecting something magical was about to happen. Our hands slapped together in a perfect combination of speed, strength, hand cupping, and placement and a huge pulse of positive energy burst through my entire body, the high five equivalent of the line in Bohemian Rhapsody when Freddie Mercury sings “send shivers down my spine” and a bell tree is heard.
I stared at my hand for a moment before looking up at Arran and realizing his expression mirrored my own look of stupefication.
“What just happened?”
“I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“Neither have I.”
“Did you feel like time stopped for a moment as though the fabric of the space-time continuum had torn?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I felt.”
“I’ve been high-fiving a long time.”
“I, too, am no stranger in the ways of the high five.”
“And that was the greatest high five ever!”
We asked the other party guests if they had noticed anything unusual during our high five, maybe an inability to move as though time had stopped or maybe a burst of light had temporarily blinded them or maybe they were encompassed by a feeling of reverence that they were in the presence of something great.
None of them had. In fact they all expressed skepticism that anything out of the ordinary had occurred. I assume they were skeptical because everyone has high-fived and they didn’t want to believe something they had experienced 10,000 times could have been taken to the next level.
I keep trying to tell people about the Imacculate High Five, but most don’t want to believe. I assure you it happened, it was incredible, and if you believe, maybe the perfect high five could some day happen to you. After all, it happened to me and I’m just a regular guy like anyone else–anyone else who puts his pants on both legs at a time.
The Good Greatsby 
molassestadpole
August 29, 2011
I think I need to try the looking at the elbow trick… I have often missed or been off-center in my high fives… Now I feel that my life is greatly lacking.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
The ability to give an effective high five is an important part of fitting into modern society; taking the time to learn a few tricks can pay huge dividends.
gerknoop
August 29, 2011
…..and this is why I love you! No other words!
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
That’s all I need.
spilledinkguy
August 29, 2011
Hahaha…
This must be what the whole E=MC squared fuss is REALLY about.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
If this is what Einstein had really been taking about, it would have made science a lot more interesting.
nancyfrancis
August 29, 2011
Maybe you’re hand twins?
In highschool my Senior year Student Society President won his position during the election based on a campagin that boasted ‘Bringing Back the High Five’ – its powers are limitless.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
I always remember it being pretty popular but maybe it had grown stale in your region in the years before the revival.
Annie
August 29, 2011
I’ve never had a high five as perfect as that, but I’ve had some seriously awful ones. The kind that make you walk away embarrassed.
Great writing. High TEN.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
I’ve certainly had a lot of bad high fives. I was hoping this immaculate high five would retroactively erase them from from my memory, but yet they still linger.
Sandi Ormsby
August 30, 2011
In your beginning years of “high fivin'” did you ever miss, say the other person moved…you just weren’t in sync, maybe drunk, and someone got smacked in the head? One of our friends, we know he’s had enough to drink when he constantly high fives EVERYBODY…taking away the whole beauty of the act and making it generic and irritating. (so sad)
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA
**Today’s weigh in: Down 14lbs in 3 weeks! Wahoo!
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
Many people opposed to the high five usually cite a bad experience with an over high-fiver.
kaydennison
August 30, 2011
I didn’t know it had gone out of style!!!! Sigh, I must be getting old.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
I’ll never let it go out of my style. I rarely high-fived in my twenties, but I’m not sure that reflected any broader cultural shift. I’m back at it with a passion in my thirties.
Lenore Diane
August 30, 2011
When did this momentous high five between you and Arran occur? I mean – what day and time? Recently, perhaps before your trip to Edinburgh, my kids cleaned their room without being asked to clean their room. My husband and I were shocked. We wondered what the planetary alignment was at the time …. perhaps, just maybe – the boys’ spontaneous and non-instructed clean sweep was due to … the perfect high five.
Feel free to give it another go with Arran. Our house really needs to be vacuumed.
misswhiplashlash
August 30, 2011
I am ashamed to say that I have never high fived in my life. Isn’t that terrible that I should have missed out such an experience……
That is very clever putting two legs in pants at the same time and not getting stuck. I think that is better than High five!!!
thelifeofjamie
August 30, 2011
as long as the smoke monster from Lost doesn’t come out when you high five, you’re good to go.
Laura
August 30, 2011
Has this ruined high fiving for you? After a perfect high five, I can only imagine that every subsequent one would be a crushing disappointment.
nursemyra
August 30, 2011
Yes the sadness of an unimmaculate high five will be devastating
Mads
August 30, 2011
I too was wondering about the crushing disappointment of subsequent high-fives.
I believe!
Jillsy Girl
August 30, 2011
I have a tendency to be be off-center with mine…well, actually way off center sometimes by almost missing the other hand completely! I must work on my form. I think the excitement is what throws me off!
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
I’ve met a few dangerous high-fivers in my time and I rarely take the risk of offering them five a second time. Try looking at the elbow.
Kim Pugliano
August 30, 2011
If only we could perfect the simultaneous cheek kiss. Sometimes, when one turns a bit too much to the side, it ends up an ear kiss or a lip kiss and then things get awkward. I hate that.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
A couple times I’ve gone in the wrong direction to start and we pecked on the lips. A bit awkward.
John Erickson
August 30, 2011
I put my pants on both legs at one time, too. Though I inevitably have to retract one of my legs so I can place it in the PROPER leg hole.
There is scientific support for your Immaculate High Five. With the hands cupped properly, you form an elliptical cavity with the palm of the other person’s hand. This traps a small amount of air, which is rapidly compressed by the two palms. This compression generates both heat and a shock wave, which is supersonic. The combined thermal and kinetic energy is sufficient to strip some electrons from the molecules of air, allowing them to transmit into each participant’s body, giving the “tingle” effect. The small electrical charge also disrupts the nervous system and brain, giving the “moment of frozen time” effect.
And the fact no-one else sees or feels anything is the inverse square law – for each unit of distance, the effect drops by the square of the distance. Hence, the power drops off VERY quickly with distance.
(Well, that’s my story, anyway, and I’m stickin’ too it!)
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
Pants should have three or four legs to decrease the risk of ever putting both your legs in the same leg hole.
pegoleg
August 30, 2011
It’s hard to explain a tranforming moment like that. People are uncomfortable with the emotion, and in the end it just comes down to faith – not everyone can handle that.
ryoko861
August 30, 2011
Maybe Arran is your soul mate. Maybe he, too, put his pants on the same day at the same time you did both legs at the same time! Maybe there’s some sort of kanetic telepathy between you two. Maybe you’re just both from another planet.
Dana
August 30, 2011
I have yet to experience an awesome, mind-blowing high five. I have, however, endured multiple awkward/sloppy/embarrassing/pitiful/’a T-Rex could do this better’ ones. Your post gives me hope. Fingers crossed… or not- that would mess with the slight hand-cupping required… for an immaculate high five in my future.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
You need to practice your form and find a couple friends who also appreciate the finer points of high-fiving. If you make an effort to high five once a day, the immaculate high five just might happen for you.
Amy
August 30, 2011
Wait. Evening time on July 28 in Shanghai would have been late morning of the 27th here. I knew I felt something! A bright white flash followed by a strange sense of well-being. I thought I had just had a stroke. Whew! Glad to know it was just your high five!
Spectra
August 30, 2011
I am pretty sure I felt that one. But then, I am very sensitive.
Of course, I also plan to become a ghost.So. Ya know. there that is.
educlaytion
August 30, 2011
I’m really proud of you man. Some people say that western civilization is declining. Naysayers. They’ll never be a part of something so magical. I’ve actually invented a new word for the virtual high five in recent months. The virtual high five was first coined for cross-internet celebration. But then I started combining that with the “we can’t really touch but have to high five across the room” move. Still, I wanted more. I’ve begun calling that move VIRTIES (vir-cheese). With that word you can literally send out verbal high fives, even over the phone or from out of sight in another room like when a big play happens and you want to tell your friend who’s getting a drink. You can thank me later western civilization.
savesprinkles1234
August 30, 2011
I fear that you’ll now have to switch to another form of physical expression. The perfect high-five is like solving the triangle shaped, golf tee puzzle on the tables at Cracker Barrel. You can only do it once.
Christian Emmett
August 30, 2011
I’ve partaken in a few good high-fives in my time, but it’s happenings such as these that keep me going. I’m a recent convert to the elbow-check technique and it’s working well so far. The biggest hurdle I had to overcome was not overcomplicating watching the elbow while swinging into the high-five.
I hope that one day I can regale my grandchildren with the tale of my own cosmic high-five experience. Thank you for sharing yours with us.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
Looking at the elbow seems to work, although I feel the power of the connection would be stronger if the two high-fivers were making eye contact.
arran
September 2, 2011
I believe we were making eye contact…that’s what made it so special….
Meet the Buttrams
August 30, 2011
This reminds me of a Clarissa Explains It All episode when she suddenly became a violin virtuoso and had to give a recital but then lost the magic. Her dad said he had a moment like that once when he price-tagged canned goods in the exact center for a whole week.
I never practiced the piano because of that episode.
pattisj
August 30, 2011
I will not believe there’s such a thing until I see it.
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
Even seeing it wouldn’t be enough to convince you. You need to get out there and experience the immaculate high five for yourself.
arran
September 2, 2011
I was there…it was real.
cooper
August 30, 2011
i once had a near-perfect low six…but i suppose that doesn’t come close to the spiritual oneness of the IHF….
HoaiPhai
August 30, 2011
High-fiving was invented in Canada in the late 18th century when two one-armed woodsmen cooperated in the act of killing a mosquito.
susanthecoach
August 30, 2011
You were performing in Edinburgh? That’s my home town! Are you still there?
The Good Greatsby
August 30, 2011
I’ve been here all of August as part of the Fringe. I head back home to Shanghai tomorrow.
Poached Hens
September 2, 2011
“two myopic farmers waved to each other without realizing how close they were standing… “.
Mayor of Paulsville, please help! My stomach hurts from laughing.
Lunar Euphoria
September 10, 2011
I’ve never experienced an Immaculate High Five, but I have experienced a ‘Wonder Twin Powers Activate’ Fist Bump.