US President Barack Obama is visiting the United Kingdom as part of an official state visit. Past leaders of both countries have been fond of using the term “special relationship” to describe the US-UK bond. I’ve never been sure how to interpret “special relationship”. It’s the kind of vague label that a high school guy would use on girls to ensure he could date more than one: “Yeah, baby, I’m also seeing Monica and Kaitlyn and Kandi, but you and I have a special relationship.” The only time an adult would use the term would be with a raised eyebrow and a whisper, for instance to explain why someone undeserving got a promotion, “Sure, she’s only been here three months, but that’s all the time it took for her and the boss to establish a special relationship.”
I don’t mean to malign any country’s reputation by implying US-UK have been hooking up, especially now that Prime Minister David Cameron used the occasion of the state visit to emphasize he felt the relationship had moved to another level and was even more special than special, but rather an “essential relationship”.
Not to be one-upped, Obama said the relationship was like totally super, super special and essential and essentially special.
Cameron replied it was so special that he felt faint whenever America walked into the room.
Obama answered by revealing he has pictures of Britain in his White House locker.
Cameron responded by pulling out two identical yearbooks and saying one was for America’s signature and the other yearbook was for all the crap countries.
Obama countered by saying if he entered the lunchroom and there wasn’t a seat left at Britain’s table he would rather go without lunch than sit next to any other country.
Cameron assured him there would always be a place for America at Britain’s lunch table, and the two men embraced.
And to further cement this very, very special US-UK bromance, Obama and Cameron played doubles table tennis.
The doubles table tennis pairing is sure to hurt the feelings of Canada and Australia, both of whom Britain had promised to choose as a table tennis partner. Canada sulked in a corner and was heard remarking to Australia how Britain was so fake and only pretending to have so much fun.
Cameron showed Obama a special high-five Canada had taught him–right in front of Canada–and claimed he had invented it.
That’s Australia in the back, fuming only moments after Cameron pretended they were friends by exchanging a quick fist bump before ‘accidentally’ calling him Austria.
Australia and Canada stormed out while Australia shouted, “You’ll call when you realize Australia’s had three straight decades of economic growth!” Canada shouted at America, “You’re tied with Cuba for life expectancy!” Witnesses report the picture above was taken as the two countries laughed over Obama’s joke, “I’d rather be dead in America than alive in Canada.” Cameron answered, “Canada? More like Canadon’t.”