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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »humor«
The Search Engine Oracle Keeps on Speaking
Every search term tells a story. As I explained in my previous posts, Search Engine Oracle one and two, I like to imagine the circumstances that inspire these searchers to rush to a search engine seeking advice. What happened to this searcher earlier in the day? what do you say when someone tells you that someone […]
Chinglish Beauty Tips
July 31, 2011
My wife bought some fake eyelashes here in Shanghai: When she tried on the eyelashes and asked me how she looked, I told her she looked fine. She was extremely disappointed my reaction wasn’t more enthusiastic based on the promises made on the reverse side of the packaging: Rococo for women gives you beauty and […]
Saturday Shuffle
July 30, 2011
On Thursday night my seven-year-old, The Fonz, lost a tooth while attending a rodeo/carnival. He told me the news and expected me to be excited, but I immediately quoted the ancient proverb: “He who loses his tooth at a carnival in the presence of many toothless carnies, is destined to grow up to be a […]
Friday Love Letters: Dear Totino’s Party Pizza
July 29, 2011
Dear Totino’s Party Pizza, Why do we ever fight? I may say some hurtful things in the heat of the moment, usually when standing on a scale, but I always come back, don’t I? You know I can’t stay mad at you. Totino’s Party Pizza, you are the greatest of economy meals. I’ve found you […]
Burglar Confused as Trebek Demands to be Robbed in the Form of a Question
July 28, 2011
Alex Trebek, host of US television’s game show Jeopardy, injured his Achilles tendon when he chased after a burglar in a San Francisco hotel. He awoke to find a woman in his room who was going through his possessions and he chased after her, only to collapse in the hallway. When I read the […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Help! My Granddaughter’s Blog Might Get Me Murdered!
July 27, 2011
Today’s guest panelist will be my mom, who has graciously agreed to interrupt her normal schedule of spending the day being disappointed in me. The question comes from the Grammy of blogger Girl on the Contrary. If you’re not familiar with Girl on the Contrary, allow me to introduce her with the compliment that she […]
Motivate Yourself with Fake Rivalries
July 26, 2011
When I find myself lazy or lacking motivation in some important aspect of life, I try and outline the problem and set a series of goals to help me regain focus. When that doesn’t work, I try and invent rivalries and enemies in the hopes that I’ll gain inspiration through the desire to show them […]
Parenting Efficiency
July 25, 2011
Parents often feel guilty. They may feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids. Or maybe they put in the hours, but they worry it’s not enough quality time. I don’t worry about the quantity of time versus quality of time debate because I only measure parental success in quantity of activities. Time […]
Chinglish Lessons
July 24, 2011
I found this sign above a urinal in a small village outside Chengdu: I’ve taken that counsel to heart, and since that day, every time I use a urinal, I pause for a brief moment to think about making things easier for others. Let’s all give it a try and maybe together we can make […]
Friday Love Letters: Dear Olivia Newton-John
July 22, 2011
Dear Olivia Newton-John, Do any of your friends and family call you ONJ? I do. When you talk about someone so much, it becomes laborious to say the entire name Olivia Newton-John. Like when my wife and I were enjoying a date night last week, and I was thinking of you, and said to my […]
Splitsville for Jennifarc
July 21, 2011
If Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony can’t make marriage work, what hope do the rest of us have? The couple hasn’t given a reason for the split, but my insider source says Marc Anthony was bitter that the media never gave them a catchy couples name like when Jennifer was together with Ben Affleck and […]
Dear Good Greatsby
July 20, 2011
In response to overwhelming popular demand by two or three readers, Wednesdays will be devoted to an advice column in which I’ll fix your problems with the assistance of a guest panelist. Today’s guest panelist will be my personal assistant, Ken. Ken was selected because I haven’t had time to find anyone good. You wouldn’t […]
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