Subscribe:
RSS feed
Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
If You Want to be Impressed, Always Call Before Dropping in on the Johnsons
“Oh, you’re in the neighborhood and wanted to drop in. That’s fine. We’ll see you in ten minutes.” “But I’m just around the corner. I can be there in three.” “But still, we’ll see you in ten minutes.” I shout out to my wife and two sons, “Ten minutes, team! We’ve got ten minutes to […]
Putting a Hold on Holding Babies: Subtle Schemes to Convince Your Wife to Wait
April 20, 2011
She’s ready to start a family. You’re ready to consider thinking about maybe thinking about starting a family. She sees babies everywhere. You see babes everywhere. She wants a stroller. You want to stroll down to karaoke night at the pub–if she can make it, great! The honeymoon just ended, and she’s already talking about […]
Happy Birthday, Apollo Fonzarelli!
April 19, 2011
Happy birthday to kid #2, The Fonz, who turns seven today! Why do I call him The Fonz? When he was born I filled out two applications for a birth certificate; the first form I showed my wife contained the name we had agreed upon; the second form, the one I didn’t show her, and […]
A Big Bah, Humbug to the Tiny Birthday Tyrant
April 16, 2011
Is it just me, or is something fundamentally wrong with children’s birthday parties as an institution? How can an event meant to celebrate the life and birth of a child, result in the parents’ gin-soaked resolution not to have any more children? Twenty years from now when America’s declining birthrate brings social security to a […]
How to Teach Your Kids to Sound Smart (Especially If They’re Not)–Part 2
March 24, 2011
If you haven’t read How to Make Your Kids Sound Smart Part 1, make sure you do so here, so you’ll know what all the other moms were talking about at last week’s group therapy. For those who did read Part 1, did you practice tips #1 and #2 with your ‘fork-misses-mouth’ smart child? Remember, […]
Economics Even A Six Year Old Can Understand–Part 2
March 19, 2011
My six year old son, The Fonz (so nicknamed because his middle name is Fonzarelli), recently started saying the word apparently. He uses it correctly in speech, but I assume its use adds a flavor he didn’t intend. If I ask him if Ethan is his best friend he says, “Apparently he is.” In his […]
Economics Even A Six Year Old Can Understand–Part 1
March 18, 2011
Every parent hopes children learn the following important lessons about money: How to live frugally. When it is okay to borrow money. How to save for a rainy day. How to be wealthy, but still win the respect of your servants in a way that ensures they’ll hide you when the local peasants form a […]
How to Teach Your Kids to Sound Smart (Especially If They’re Not)
March 15, 2011
Parents have so many worries: Will Tyler make friends at his new school? Will Kaitlyn make the soccer team? How long before people discover Tyler is very, very dumb? Poor Tyler. You’ve tried to defend him: “Maybe he’s not book smart, but he’s street smart.” But time has revealed he’s not street smart either, sending […]
How to Tease Your Kids
March 8, 2011
My wife said I can’t tease the kids anymore. I use the word anymore as though it used to be okay to tease and now it isn’t, but in reality she’s always said not to, only now I think she really means it. It seems the kids were having trouble in school for a long […]
Recent Comments
Huffington Post Comedy
Five Times:
Columns in Time Out Shanghai Magazine
The Good Greatsby 
May 5, 2011
112