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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts filed under »Columns«
Shrimp on a Treadmill
A new partisan report on wasteful government spending knocked money allocated to science by highlighting $500,000 awarded to a study involving shrimp running on treadmills. The director of the study defended the study by saying the shrimp on a treadmill was only one small part of the study and that portion only cost $1000. Read the story […]
Signs of Your Impending Layoff
August 23, 2011
I read an article listing signs you’re about to be fired. These signs included loss of responsibility, not being kept informed, and increased supervision. The article only listed ten signs, and maybe the writer didn’t have the space to offer a comprehensive list, but I feel the following bad signs should have also been included: […]
Welcome to Paulsville
August 22, 2011
I recently read about a town in South Dakota being sold for $800k. The town of Scenic has a population of ten and your $800k buys you a dance hall, a saloon, two jails, a train depot, two stores, and some empty buildings, although it’s not clear if the price tag includes the legal ownership of those ten […]
Saturday Potluck
August 20, 2011
How much does my wife miss me while I’m away in Edinburgh? This week we were talking on the phone and I asked, “Do you miss me?” and she didn’t answer because she had fallen asleep–a response I could only interpret as measuring very low on the missing scale. The only time I can call […]
Did I Ever Tell You About the Time…?
August 18, 2011
My wife has heard all my stories. I’ve heard all her stories. Every childhood memory, every funny anecdote, every life-changing experience had been exchanged within our first few years of marriage. Conversation in years four to seven was full of stops and starts: “Did I ever tell you about the time–” and the other partner would […]
Choose Your Celebrity Handle
August 16, 2011
Every time my wife and I meet a new couple, we combine their names into a catchy couple handle, similar to celebrity couples like Bennifer, Brangelina, or TomKat. Some of our friends have couples nicknames that easily roll off the tongue like Rebex, Lindex, or Shandrew and we find these couples easiest to remember when we’re planning my […]
How to Get More Compliments
August 15, 2011
When someone gives you a compliment, are you content to bask in the glow of just one, or do you have a strategy for getting more? Receiving compliments makes us feel good and plays a crucial role in how we feel about ourselves. If receiving compliments is so beneficial, shouldn’t we strategize how to get our daily dose […]
Saturday Souffle
August 13, 2011
When my wife and I spoke on the phone this week, I gave her instructions on what times of the day to feed our cat, Megatron. She wondered why I was telling her how to feed the cat when this had been her job for years; this was the moment my wife and I realized we’ve both been feeding the cat […]
Notes from Edinburgh
August 9, 2011
My English friends keep pointing out British celebrities here at the Edinburgh Fringe that I didn’t know were celebrities: “Hey, look behind you. That’s Ruby Wax!” “Who’s Ruby Wax?” “Are you serious? She’s been on the telly for years.” “Sorry, but I’m not familiar with British television celebrities.” “But she’s an American!” “But she’s only on TV […]
People I Want to Impress
August 8, 2011
We all want to be liked. Or if not liked, at least respected. Or feared. Or maybe we would trade being liked for being considered incredibly attractive, but that’s a completely different topic and I don’t want to digress. The urge to be recognized as special or interesting or intelligent is strongest in childhood when we […]
Saturday Rambler
August 6, 2011
I visited Edinburgh ten years ago, but I don’t remember seeing so many redheads. I saw more redheads in my first twenty-four hours here than I had seen in the previous ten years combined. Although to be honest, I’ve lived in China for seven of those years and the variety of hair colors is pretty slim. When […]
That Film is so Gay
August 2, 2011
Hollywood loves to re-make movies. The first Spider-Man film premiered in 2002, and after three films they are already rebooting the series with an entirely new cast set to debut in 2012. The movie, A Star is Born, is now being re-made for the fourth time. The first film came in 1937 and starred Janet […]
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