I read an article listing signs you’re about to be fired. These signs included loss of responsibility, not being kept informed, and increased supervision. The article only listed ten signs, and maybe the writer didn’t have the space to offer a comprehensive list, but I feel the following bad signs should have also been included:
At a meeting your boss sneezes, asks if anyone has a tissue, and when no tissue is offered, she wipes her nose on your sleeve.
When the office is evacuated because of a bomb threat, the police bring a dog to sniff out the suspicious package, but your boss worries the dog might get hurt and suggests sending you inside instead.
Bad boss.
Next month’s office party is peanut-themed and everyone is supposed to bring a dish containing peanuts, although the whole office knows you’re allergic.
A new fire evacuation plan is issued and you notice every cubicle has arrows leading out the front exit except for yours which recommends a pathway leading up the stairs to the top floor.
Your cubicle is now doubling as the office daycare and your desk is used as a changing station.
All the pictures of your kids on your desk have been replaced with pictures of the boss’ children.
You’ve been traded off the company softball team.
At meetings when everyone is throwing out ideas, every time you make a suggestion your boss pretends to be vomiting.
Your boss claims your parking spot so he can double park his SUV. He draws you a map to your new parking spot and the trail leads to the unemployment office.
You’re the only one in the office with a dial-up Internet connection. When you complain your computer is replaced with a typewriter. The next week the typewriter is replaced with a calculator. The next week the calculator is replaced with an abacus.
Other employees drift in and out of your cubicle placing Post-It notes on your chair, stapler, and other office supplies with the message, “Dibs”.
Bad boss.
When the office orders food and the receptionist brings you your sandwich, it’s always missing a couple bites.
Definite signs you’re about to be fired:
You arrive at work to find your desk in flames in the parking lot.
Your new business cards include an expiration date next to your job title.
Your boss tries to frame you for murder.
The Good Greatsby 
Renee Schuls-Jacobson
August 23, 2011
How about when the office is doing well and everyone gets a monetary bonus, but you get asked to pick out some new chairs. Because you’re good at that.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
Has that happened to you? If so, remember not everybody has a talent for picking out chairs.
HoaiPhai
August 23, 2011
Excellent post! I’ve been wondering why my boss has been giving me my “things to do today” list by nailing it to my car’s windshield. Your post got me to thinking.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
And he’ll probably complain your lunch break was too long when you take the windshield to get fixed.
She's a Maineiac
August 23, 2011
Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.
Once back in high school, I had a job folding clothes for L.L. Bean’s (riveting work). One day, I arrived at work to find my station (which used to be in front of a large window out on the main floor of the women’s dept.) in the corner of a dark windowless hallway, right next to the construction they were doing for the new addition. Listening to the jackhammers and watching my co-workers peek their heads in occasionally to laugh at me…I eventually I figured out that they were trying to tell me something. I folded my last turtleneck that day and walked out.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
Did the experience put you off folding clothes forever?
gerknoop
August 23, 2011
I’m so thankful for this post as I never would have known all those were signs that one was about to get fired! So thats what all those past jobs were trying to tell me…..hmmmmm
Well “I’m” the boss now so I will have to start using these tactics on my employees that I no longer need! Thanks so much for this very valuable lesson on firing… now I need one for hiring too!
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
I do have some tips for job interviews I might do one day, but they’re geared towards the applicants, not the boss. It might be interesting to give advice to a boss interviewing applicants.
thoughtsappear
August 23, 2011
I immediately thought of Office Space when I started reading this post. And when you don’t get any cake at the office birthday parties….
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
Or you get the piece of cake that fell on the floor.
misswhiplash
August 23, 2011
A most definite indication that all is not quite right.
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
If your boss tries to frame you for murder, you’d assume most people would automatically question their job security, but I still thought I would include those definite signs so nobody can say they hadn’t been warned.
frigginloon
August 23, 2011
Urgh, people at my old work used to know they were going to be fired when they were asked to fix up their canteen tab 😦 Somehow those women always knew first!!!!
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
Those cafeteria workers have all the best connections.
thelifeofjamie
August 23, 2011
Did your boss take your red stapler too?
The Good Greatsby
August 23, 2011
I wish I could say I’d achieved a level of success that resulted in the awarding of a stapler regardless of the color.
spilledinkguy
August 24, 2011
D-oh! Beaten to the Swingline punch!
Carl D'Agostino
August 23, 2011
You go to work Monday and the second floor once inhabited by the firm is empty. You are now the only one that speaks English. There are 23 employees and now only 22 parking spaces.
educlaytion
August 23, 2011
Come one Gatsby, you know I have the peanut allergy. Tx for bringing up such painful memories.
Lenore Diane
August 23, 2011
And to think all this time I just assumed I worked with a bunch of joke-pulling pranksters. Though really, 2 months of not getting a paycheck should have clued me in that I was fired. Guess I better pack up this laptop. Gotta go.
Kim Pugliano
August 23, 2011
I work from home. My boss is in Philadelphia. The company is in New Jersey. I’m in California. I DARE them to pull that crap on me, 15 feet away from my husband. Bwahahahahaha!
I think I just played the ‘my husband could beat up your husband’ card.
trishdar
August 23, 2011
Phew!! At least you didn’t mention the sideway glances and the nice tea-lady who keeps telling me she will miss me!! so that means I am safe!!! Pheeeew
pegoleg
August 23, 2011
I don’t think that Star Wars guy was such a bad boss. He was always couseliing Darth Vader about career development and suggesting he bring his son into the business.
nancyfrancis
August 23, 2011
Haha.. Placing ‘Dibs’ on items before someone is gone is going to be my new move, by the time they actually leave the cubicle vultures swoop in and take all the good stuff before I even find out!
Tori Nelson
August 24, 2011
Does framed for felony paper product theft count? I really thought that boss liked me.
Brynn
August 24, 2011
What if they hang a recently shot company photograph in the foyer and you are the only one not in it?
Meg at the Members Lounge
August 24, 2011
Conversely, when you clean your office to resemble a barren wasteland, only to resign two weeks later, and the company is truly surprised you leaving? Yes, there is a Steve Carrell in every office in America.
EllieAnn
August 24, 2011
I always thought the missing bites in my sandwich was due to the fact I have such great taste is sandwiches!
k8edid
August 24, 2011
Personally, I have never liked it when I’ve been asked to sign a going away card, only to find it addressed to me.
kaydennison
August 24, 2011
Excellent!!!! It was one of those days where I missed working. Thank you for reminding me that retirement is better!!! I may not have a lot of money, but I don’t have to worry about all that . . . er . . . ahhhhhhhhh . . . stuff — yeah that’s it! — stuff.
Thanks for stopping by my place!!! Do stop again!!
Snoring Dog Studio
August 24, 2011
Next to my name on the IN/OUT whiteboard is written: “FIRED”. Should I be concerned?
ageehumfly
August 24, 2011
I’d also include, “Instead of working, you Google search for signs you might be fired.”
xeriouslywtf
August 24, 2011
You’re screensaver scrolling text message now reads “go away”
B.A.D. Magazine
August 24, 2011
When everyone else receives a paycheck, and you receive an unsigned resignation letter with your name on it.
alonewithcats
August 25, 2011
My new business cards don’t include an expiration date next to my job title. Because I don’t have business cards. I’m totally not going to be fired! Feeling secure!
flippingchannels
August 26, 2011
Any post making a connection between Emperor Palpatine and Office Space is deserving of a Like.
Snoring Dog Studio
August 26, 2011
You, goodgreatsby, wrote a hilarious post, but I have to say, you have the funniest commenters in the bloggerverse.
S. Trevor Swenson
August 29, 2011
I fired my boss a couple years ago. Ha, I showed HIM
Poached Hens
September 2, 2011
Oh, and that mention in the weekly project status meeting that the productivity has become so low purely because I go to the bathroom 3 times everyday at work.
poachedhens
September 4, 2011
I was only thinking of this post when I saw this strip:
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-09-02/