Signs of Your Impending Layoff

Posted on August 23, 2011


I read an article listing signs you’re about to be fired.  These signs included loss of responsibility, not being kept informed, and increased supervision.  The article only listed ten signs, and maybe the writer didn’t have the space to offer a comprehensive list, but I feel the following bad signs should have also been included:

At a meeting your boss sneezes, asks if anyone has a tissue, and when no tissue is offered, she wipes her nose on your sleeve.

When the office is evacuated because of a bomb threat, the police bring a dog to sniff out the suspicious package, but your boss worries the dog might get hurt and suggests sending you inside instead.

Bad boss.

Next month’s office party is peanut-themed and everyone is supposed to bring a dish containing peanuts, although the whole office knows you’re allergic.

A new fire evacuation plan is issued and you notice every cubicle has arrows leading out the front exit except for yours which recommends a pathway leading up the stairs to the top floor. 

Your cubicle is now doubling as the office daycare and your desk is used as a changing station.

All the pictures of your kids on your desk have been replaced with pictures of the boss’ children.

You’ve been traded off the company softball team.

At meetings when everyone is throwing out ideas, every time you make a suggestion your boss pretends to be vomiting.

Your boss claims your parking spot so he can double park his SUV.  He draws you a map to your new parking spot and the trail leads to the unemployment office.

You’re the only one in the office with a dial-up Internet connection.  When you complain your computer is replaced with a typewriter.  The next week the typewriter is replaced with a calculator.  The next week the calculator is replaced with an abacus.

Other employees drift in and out of your cubicle placing Post-It notes on your chair, stapler, and other office supplies with the message, “Dibs”.

Bad boss.

When the office orders food and the receptionist brings you your sandwich, it’s always missing a couple bites.

Definite signs you’re about to be fired:

You arrive at work to find your desk in flames in the parking lot.

Your new business cards include an expiration date next to your job title. 

Your boss tries to frame you for murder.

Posted in: Columns