Dear Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary,
I’m still awaiting a reply to my letter questioning the religious implications of your dogmatically rigid alphabetizing system, but today I write on a separate matter. I know your team is working hard to organize the English language, and I don’t want you to take this as a personal criticism, but I’ve noticed a few signs of shoddy workmanship and I’d appreciate it if your team would consider fixing the following words:
Lisp: The word lisp shouldn’t contain an ‘s’. It seems unnecessarily cruel to force people with a lisp to say, “I have a lithsp.”
Portmanteau: How is the word for blending two words to form a new word not also a portmanteau? How about if we combine ‘blend’ and ‘word’ to get ‘blord’? Or ‘blerd’? Those two gems took me like 30 seconds; imagine what your team could come up with if you gave them a month?
Guesstimate: Speaking of portmanteaus, I was discouraged to see you’ve acknowledged the agonizingly redundant ‘guesstimate’ as a real word. Guess what? An estimate was already a guess. There was no need to merge the two just because somebody thought it was cute. Don’t reward redundancy; we don’t have the time!
Palindrome: In the same vein as portmanteau, how is the word for palindrome not a palindrome? I’ll try and think up the perfect palindromic name for palindrome but in the meantime let’s use ‘palindromemordnilap’.
Sashay: No complaints. Keep up the good work.
Reconnoiter: I’m not a fan. It’s an ugly, ugly word. I’ve never reconnoitered in my life and nothing about the word makes me want to start. Lose it!
Ostentatious: I love that the word meaning ‘marked by or fond of conspicuous or vainglorious and sometimes pretentious display’ is itself a bit ostentatious. Can we add an accent symbol or a dollar sign to make it even more pretentious?
Sashay: Just wondering, what can we do to increase the popularity of this word? I figure people sashay so infrequently because they weren’t aware ‘strutting or moving about in an ostentatious or conspicuous manner’ was a transportation option. How can we get this word more press? Have you considered moving ‘sashay’ closer to the beginning of the dictionary?
Dyslexia: Couldn’t we make this word just a bit simpler to read?
The Good Greatsby 
mistyslaws
November 26, 2012
Sashay is indeed a good one. I am also a fan of Guffaw. It has always been a personal favorite of mine. I particularly like sashaying while guffawing. It takes a certain level of skill, but I’ve honed that over the years.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
I would consider it a great privilege to witness a sashay/guffaw combo just once in my life.
stuffnjsays
November 27, 2012
There is nothing like a good sashaw or gushay!
mistyslaws
November 28, 2012
I see what you did there. Very nice.
Soma Mukherjee
November 26, 2012
i hate that word guesstimate
i think all of us should write one blog post on sashay to promote it 😀
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it more popular. I thought it would be enough to add sashaying to my grocery shopping and chores around the house but it hasn’t been enough.
dianasschwenk
November 26, 2012
Thanks for my Monday morning giggle!
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
You should come back tomorrow and see if it works just as well on Tuesday morning.
Ajg
November 26, 2012
Sorry to be an ass, but portmanteau is a portmanteau. It’s two French words of origin mean to carry, and large suitcase – the original meaning of the word is a large trunk. Again, sorry. But I only speak out of a fellow passion for the word.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
I know portmanteau first meant suitcase but the second definition is way more important than the first and it deserves its own word.
Ajg
November 30, 2012
True that! What about “incorpowordtion”? Or a “joird”?
becomingcliche
November 26, 2012
Astute observations, all. Reconnoiter sounds like painful nasal surgery.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
If my ear, nose and throat doctor uses reconnoiter I’m out of there.
becomingcliche
November 26, 2012
It’s a highly controversial practice involving a hammer and a live eel. In my imagination, anyway.
visitingmissouri
November 26, 2012
Good post! Your lisp is a good catch. Come to think of it, many words describing a way of speaking do not help the case. How about the word ‘stutter’? That seems harsh. The word mumble, too, is really hard to articulate. Somehow the word articulate itself cries for a clear pronunciation. Why did I not trust the phonetic use of pronunciation itself? And so on…
You’ll be happy to know that the problem remains the same across both languages in which I’m fluent.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
‘Stutter’ is a good example. How can you overcome an affliction you can’t pronounce?
She's a Maineiac
November 26, 2012
Excellent points. Words can be so cruel and unnecessary. Who needs ’em? I’m all for general grunting and pointing in most situations. And once again, I am ashamed to admit I had to sashay over to my bookcase to bust out my Greatsby-to-Mainah Dictionary just to read this post.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
We’re on the same page. I can’t be bothered to use words anymore. I just grunt and point and my wife transcribes it into a post.
She's a Maineiac
November 27, 2012
I knew it.
Michelle Gillies
November 26, 2012
My two favourite words are “plethora” and “calla lily”. They are fun to say. I can’t tell you how often I have gotten the sentence, “There was a plethora of calla lilies.” Into something I have written. As for “sashay”, I like it. It’s fun too. Perhaps we could sashay around the plethora of calla lilies?
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
What girl wouldn’t be charmed by a guy asking her out on a date to ‘sashay around the plethora of calla lilies’?
Michelle Gillies
November 26, 2012
Exactly!
Caroline
April 25, 2014
[Jefe voice] would you say I have a plethora of calla lilies?
Spectra
November 26, 2012
I think that pat-on-the-back (patothbac) you gave ’em will be a real gift towards lifting their spirits as they get right on the ball and start fixing these glaring word problems. Well. As they ‘Sashay’ into their work, I meant.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
I like to start with an emotional deposit before making a withdrawal. I’m sure they’re doing their best and we’ve got to accept they’ll make a few mistakes.
Sasha Zwiefelhofer
November 26, 2012
I suppose I can change my name to Sashay to help the cause. What’s one more letter?
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
I always assumed the name ‘Sasha’ was just a short form of ‘sashay’ anyway.
qwinkly3
November 27, 2012
Or if she wanted to be more ostentatious, she could just spell Sasha with a long line over the last letter, indicating a long “ay” sound. I’ve been a substitute teacher in Detroit schools, and trust me, such symbols are not that uncommon. There was one person named L-A, and she pronounced her name “LaDASHa”.
The World Is My Cuttlefish
November 26, 2012
Oh, I do love this. i knew it would be good when I read your title. Guesstimate is quite possibly the worst word ever invented. It has stumbled, dribbling like a half-wit, into our language. Be off, I say.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
Somebody realized ‘guess’ rhymed with ‘es’ and thought cute was more important than succinct.
The Byronic Man
November 26, 2012
Boy, do I hear you on “reconnoiter.” There’s a word that fell down a flight of stairs. It’s impossible to hear without thinking, “You’re clearly pronouncing that wrong.”
I like “maelstrom.” Also “skein.” They look like Brando should be saying them toward the end of Apocalypse Now.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
Thanks for reminding me how much I’m underusing both ‘maelstrom’. Exhibiting a broader maelstrom of emotions has been on my list of things to do for ages.
Tori Nelson
November 26, 2012
Ah. Sashay. It was my favorite word in the dictionary… until they added bootylicious.
The Good Greatsby
November 26, 2012
Nobody ever makes it as far as ‘sashay’ anymore with so many exciting words like ‘bootylicious’ near the front.
Ian Webster
November 26, 2012
I heartily agree. And being a Webster myself has been no help at all. One could ask similar questions about monosyllabic. I would also vote out the unfortunate word funeral, since it is, after all an anagram of “real fun”.
Kathryn McCullough
November 26, 2012
Thank God someone is setting them straight on “guestimate.” I needed this this morning. I was beginning to lose faith. Good to know someone is on it!
spilledinkguy
November 26, 2012
*nods and laughs*
(you know… what I typically do in a *beep*… ‘thems some big words’ kind of moment…)
Lorna's Voice
November 26, 2012
My Old English sheep dog taught me how to sashay. It’s the old word that come close to describing how that boy walked. He did it much better than I do. It’s all in the hips. I’m off to practice… 🙂
Crimson
November 26, 2012
Thanks for the giggle.
Bill Hayes
November 27, 2012
I have read this dictionary of which speak. Not a great read really; but it does at least explain every word as it goes along.
Glynis Sylvia
November 27, 2012
Hahahaha! If only Shakespeare would do the same.
Bridgesburning Chris King
November 27, 2012
The very least Mirriam-Webster should do is put you on the Board of Directors. I really cannot see how they have managed without your input previously!
lynnettedobberpuhl
November 27, 2012
I am chagrined (which sounds like I should be smiling…odd.) I thought a portmanteau was a hat. I am edified. But still chagrined. 😦
Jackie Cangro
November 27, 2012
Right next to words like reconnoiter should be a photo of a puppy. It would certainly improve the word’s cache and the public will get on board.
pegoleg
November 27, 2012
Funny how ostentatious is part of the definition for sashay. Isn’t that as redundant as a guesstimate?
BTW, I thought a portmanteau was a suitcase? (Too lazy to look it up)
T E Stazyk
November 27, 2012
I’ve always thought that the term ‘pusilanimous’ was insuting to pusilanimous people.
clemarchives
November 27, 2012
Not to sound like a very sad person, but the best part of RuPaul’s Drag Race is whenever someone leaves the catchphrase is, “Sashay away.” Ru is doing his/her (sher’s?) best job to make sashay widely used.
Hippie Cahier
November 27, 2012
I’m glad someone finally said something (and others courageously agreed) about ‘reconnoiter’. I have a shamefully irrational reaction to that word in that it rhymes with goiter and although that is their only obvious connection, I can’t help but feel an unfair aversion to reconnoiter by virtue of its rhyme partner.
There. I’ve said it. Thank you.
benzeknees
November 27, 2012
I had an English teacher argue with me & give me a lower mark because he said the word “tumbledown” did not exist in the dictionary. I brought my copy of the dictionary the next day & showed him the word in it & he adjusted my mark up. He didn’t apologize because he said the word did not appear in the “approved usage” dictionary.
bearmancartoons
November 27, 2012
I don’t have a lisp until trying to pronounce it.
Carl D'Agostino
November 27, 2012
My gripe is “conflicted” How did a verb past tense ending get attached to a noun to be used as a predicate nominative adjective?
Tar-Buns @ Here and ThereSa
November 27, 2012
Huh?
swlikeablegirl
November 27, 2012
I would like to say I have a favorite word that’s elegant and sophisticated, like ‘circumnavigate’. However, based on actual usage, it’s crap. Not the wanting to be elegant and sophisticated part, the ‘crap’ part. I use that word a lot. It’s the mathematical mode of my vocabulary.
Reconnoiter rhymes with goiter. The two are linked in my head forever. So there’s that.
In other notes, Carl D’Agostino, I may have just developed a crush on you.
thesinglecell
November 27, 2012
Excellent list. May I add? “Abbreviation” is a ridiculously long word for something that means “shortened form” (see also “miniscule” and “infinitesimal” for examples of words too long for their meanings). The whole “driveway vs. parkway” thing needs to be revisited just for the sake of common sense. And “irregardless” is NOT a word, it never HAS been, it never WILL be, and I would thank the dictionary people to stop giving in to peer pressure from less intelligent people!
1pointperspective
November 27, 2012
Porte Cochere – technically it’s two words, but if it’s raining, you can sashay out to your carriage and not have to worry about getting a bustle in your hedgerow.
vbholmes
November 27, 2012
I take umbrage (now there’s a word) at the disparagement of “mumble” and “stutter”, two words which can be considered examples of onomatopoeia. (Carl, I, too, am impressed.)
k8edid
November 27, 2012
Reconnoiter is a very bad word, indeed. I like sashay (as well as traipse). And rapscallion. My favorite, though, is behoove. It would behoove you to sashay over to the dictionary and look up rapscallion.
Rustic Recluse
November 27, 2012
This is awesome. Why the heck were you tearing their dictionary apart? I like the blerd/blord. Makes more sense than portmanteau. And yea I hate that ‘guesstimate’.
Laura
November 27, 2012
Guesstimate is a word now? What’s next? Irregardless?
The Good Greatsby
November 27, 2012
That was on my list as well but I was too afraid to look it up. I don’t want to be any more disappointed in humanity.
inukshuk
November 27, 2012
Having words such as ‘stutter’ have caused so much trouble that people now use ‘preventative’ without realizing it’s just a stuttered version of ‘preventive’…
And yes, ‘stuttered’ as I used it there is ostentatiously out of place. All that’s left for me to do is to discreetly sashay on out.
random8042
November 28, 2012
Well thaid.
inukshuk
November 30, 2012
OK Greatsby, I kindly request that you leave from inside of my head now. It’s been fun, but I just found myself using “sashay” in my latest post. Where did that come from, I wonder ?
So enough with the brainwashing already, I don’t want to be paying you royalties for every quirky word you put in my head !
HoaiPhai
December 2, 2012
While I’m not a fan of Merriam-Webster – I prefer Oxford because it adds that vitally-important “U” to color, flavor, etc. – I have to agree with you about “sashay”. Maybe we can get Chanel to name their next odo(u)r after this oft-ignored word and if Brad Pitt can utter it with the requisite degree of darkness, I think it will enjoy renewed popularity.
Caroline
April 25, 2014
I sashayed through the weight room during workout yesterday… it was required!