At Christmas time, Mom was always fond of reminding us “It’s better to give than to receive,” but we always disagreed. With a bit more life experience I’ve realized Mom was onto something and there are in fact multiples instances when it’s far better to give than to receive.
It’s better to give _____ than to receive ______.
Criticism
A eulogy
The death penalty
Crabs
A reminder that the McDonald’s ball pit is off limits to adults
CPR
Two weeks notice
A box of Kleenex after a positive pregnancy test
A CAT Scan
A life insurance settlement
Unsolicited massages
Just deserts (I know how I spelled it. Look it up.)
A flesh wound
An eviction notice
A shiv
Apples on Halloween
A half-nelson
A diagnosis
A hickey
An oath of vengeance
Posted in: Columns
The Good Greatsby 
The Invalid Platypus
October 10, 2012
have to disagree – crabs are amazing to receive. especially if they bring it straight from the fish markets. I like to make a mean soup with it.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I stand corrected.
nicolew2161
October 10, 2012
Um…. I don’t even know what clever response this deserves. I’m apparently not clever enough. haha!
nicolew2161
October 10, 2012
Loved. McDonald’s ball pit made me chuckle because I was visualizing the reprimand. Hickey and half-nelson were two very good choices as well. 🙂
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
McDonald’s needs to lighten up on those age restrictions.
nicolew2161
October 10, 2012
Agreed.
crazywritermsc
October 10, 2012
That’s like what Socrates asked himself: Is it better to commit an injustice or undergo an injustice?
Although Socrates decided it’s better for your soul’s health to undergo an injustice.
Sorry. I just had two hours of philosophy.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
Actually a lot of my posts are based on deep philosophical concepts. I’m glad someone finally got that.
Ricky Anderson
October 10, 2012
Puppies.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
Except I thought it would be funny to give one to my kid and the joke ended up being on me.
dianasschwenk
October 10, 2012
When I saw it my inbox, I wondered what you would do with it. Well done! 😉
artjen1971
October 10, 2012
Hug
Bug up your bum…
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
How nice of you to think of me.
on thehomefrontandbeyond
October 10, 2012
loved this — clever
ajg
October 10, 2012
chlamydia.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I’m assuming the giver is asymptomatic.
Michael
October 10, 2012
My McDonald’s doesn’t have a ball pit. I am clearly missing out.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
You haven’t lived until you’ve been kicked out of the ball pit for tossing children.
Go Jules Go
October 10, 2012
Backhanded compliments.
Don’t worry, I know you meant to include that one on such a great list!
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I appreciate you reminding me while resisting the urge to give a backhanded compliment.
Life With The Top Down
October 10, 2012
So very brilliant! Every time I think of the McDonald’s ball pit I can’t help but think of everything humanly disgusting..ugh. They really need to add the antibacterial pit to all that fun.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
There must be all sorts of disgusting treasure down there.
bearmancartoons
October 10, 2012
Eulogy would top my list
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I would prefer not to give or receive a eulogy, but I’d definitely prefer to give if given the choice.
zannyro
October 10, 2012
This is like… Shakespeare’ianly profound….( I know how I spelled it…don’t look it up).
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I wouldn’t look it up because you’re obviously correct.
pegoleg
October 10, 2012
A warning before some word-nazi criticizes your spelling.
……..A verbal smack-down for correcting somebody and BEING WRONG.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I remember another blogger using ‘just deserts’ in a post and the comments were pretty intense.
Scintillatebrightly
October 10, 2012
^ I actually think she was making a joke but whatevs. As for the guy that said chlamydia. Its pretty much the same thing whether you give or receive. Either way you’ve got it. I laughed at the box of kleenex one though.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I knew chlamydia was about the same whether you give or receive but some people can be asymptomatic and in theory ‘give’ symptoms without ever ‘receiving’ symptoms themselves.
joehoover
October 10, 2012
What a fantastic bucket list, I have a headstart already. I’ll begin crossing those off.
mistyslaws
October 10, 2012
Tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.
A bad haircut.
Pennies.
Audrey
October 10, 2012
A tickle attack.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
I call an all-time truce on tickling. Nobody likes to give or receive.
facelikeafryingpan
October 10, 2012
jazz albums. a headache. a poke in the eye.
I would love an unsolicited massage right about now.
The Good Greatsby
October 10, 2012
Glad to hear it. Not everyone does.
Bill Hayes
October 10, 2012
….but not least, the last rites.
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
Nice play on words.
suzicate
October 11, 2012
These are great! I agree with them all…and yes, occasionally we see those “big kids” in the Mickey D ball pit…I’m still waiting for one of those big ones to get stuck in the tunnels, lol!
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
I heard every once in a while McDonald’s open the trap door under the ball pit to teach those older kids and adults in the ball pit a lesson.
aparnauteur
October 11, 2012
Dr.Pepper as a party drink
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
I think of Dr. Pepper more as an exercise drink.
S. Trevor Swenson
October 11, 2012
Ever try gift wrapping a crab? Not as easy or fun as one might think
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
I’m still not sure people understand I meant the other kind of crabs.
Dana
November 12, 2012
I understood it right away, but I’m thinking that “The Other Kind of Crabs” needs to be a band name now, or the name of a hip STD clinic.
nestingfly
October 11, 2012
I am dying laughing in my office. Needed this.
1reddiva83
October 11, 2012
any order at a fast food location.
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
But I’d probably rather receive an order for fast food than have to eat it myself.
lilypetal91
October 11, 2012
Brilliant 😀 I’d agree that it’s better to give a hickey rather than receive one…..but in my case the person who attempts to give one is cruising for a kick in the shins…it’s happened 🙂
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
I think we should all call a truce and agree nobody really wants one.
lilypetal91
October 12, 2012
that anyone can see…
Thomas Stazyk
October 11, 2012
Way
Airbag
lazylauramaisey
October 11, 2012
To add to the list: waterboarding.
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
No debate there.
marrymeknot
October 11, 2012
A circumcision
or a sucker punch.
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
Yes and yes.
Barb
October 11, 2012
I’d never considered these options which is an unfortunate sign that I’m growing up. When I was young I could see right through adult cliches like this…or my mom’s favorite…as she pulled out the flyswatter. “This is going to hurt me more than you.”
“Then don’t do it.” was always my reply. Somehow it never worked.
You’re right some of those old adages were bull hockey.
Spectra
October 12, 2012
Yesh, Barb, that one was the worst! If it’s going to hurt you, what are you teaching me? To be a sado-masochist? Why didn’t they sit there in front of you eating a giant hunk of cherry cheesecake, and say “This is going to make me a lot fatter than it’s going to make you!” It would still hurt you to watch and be denied the cake, but you’d have the gloating rights when that junkyard-philosopher got enormously fat.
Ape No. 1
October 11, 2012
A Like
A lame comment
Gow
October 11, 2012
Very chuckle-inducing. My personal favorite: A flesh wound.
(Don’t read anything into that. Seriously. Stop reading now, geez)
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
Don’t be embarrassed; who doesn’t love a good flesh wound?
spilledinkguy
October 11, 2012
‘Shiv’ always gets a laugh from me.
I’m not sure why that is.
It’s as if an injury from a sharp, crudely fashioned implement has affected my sense of… oh. Yeah.
The Good Greatsby
October 11, 2012
‘Shiv’ makes any punchline better.
kathrinjapan
October 12, 2012
As I laugh out loud reading your posts, I can’t help if you face the same situation I do: everyone else seems to find me charming and hilarious except my family.
Tisha
October 12, 2012
Reading “oath of vengeance” made me immediately picture a shaking fist.
HoaiPhai
October 31, 2012
Words to live by.