A new partisan report on wasteful government spending knocked money allocated to science by highlighting $500,000 awarded to a study involving shrimp running on treadmills. The director of the study defended the study by saying the shrimp on a treadmill was only one small part of the study and that portion only cost $1000. Read the story here: Shrimp on a Treadmill
One important angle the media has failed to report is how cute this shrimp looks running on that mini treadmill.
If millions of people receive pleasure from watching this cute video, and it only cost $1000, this seems like a great return-on-investment. Not only do I support this study of shrimp on treadmills, but I fully support increased funding to study shrimp on ellipticals and/or stairmasters. I also wouldn’t mind seeing a shrimp using a weight machine as long as he doesn’t take long breaks between sets while he chats up the ladies even though other people are waiting to use the machine next and also as long as he wipes his machine of sweat when he’s finished.
If the government is willing to spend $1000 on this shrimp treadmill study, might it also invest $1000 in any of the following studies I’m hoping to conduct:
Why does toast fall butter-side down? Is it possible butter and carpet are attracted to one another, either gravitationally or romantically? Or is it possible to prove we’ve been looking at this all wrong and toast actually falls toast-side up?
Confirm or disprove the saying, “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” I have a theory we might get wildly different results from analogue and digital watches. I also have a hunch a stopped clock might be right three times a day during daylight savings.
When athletes are interviewed and asked how they plan to win a game, and answer, “We’ve just got to want it more,” is it possible to give them electric shocks through my remote control?
Instead of seeking intelligent life on other planets, let’s focus on confirming intelligent life on this planet. After we locate those intelligent people, let’s find a way to send everyone else to those other planets.
Study brains of people who forward pictures of animals wearing clothing. The study wouldn’t take long because I mostly just want to confirm the brains are there.
Has science proven the efficacy of the 10-second rule? If you’re not familiar, this is the rule stating if you drop food on the floor, it doesn’t become contaminated with germs for a full 10 seconds. I wonder if the rule is universally 10 seconds for all surfaces. Tile? Carpet? Floorboard? Pavement? Lava?
When friends introduce a story by saying, “You’ll never believe what just happened,” I always do end up believing what just happened. I’d like to study how to make friends who never say this or train my current friends not to say this or train myself to be more cynical and not believe anything.
Study funny cat reactions to cat calendars.
Study funny cat reactions to watching video of funny cat reactions to cat calendars.
Study human reactions to funny cat reactions to watching video of funny cat reactions to cat calendars.
The Good Greatsby 
ajg
August 25, 2011
I always learned it as the 3 second rule, but a study disproves the 5 second rule…
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11882532
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
Maybe our version had more numbers because we counted so fast.
nursemyra
August 27, 2011
My elderly patients have a 3 minute rule. It takes them that long to reach down and pick up the dropped item
gojulesgo
August 25, 2011
I guess that shrimp doesn’t have to worry about staying hydrated.
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
Gatorade has its work cut out trying to market to those shrimp.
Beach Bum
August 25, 2011
Despite how funny the shrimp looks running on a treadmill if ignorant and willfully stupid Mike Huckabee has a problem with it there must something important about the research.
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
I think we should be applauding our ability to build a tiny underwater treadmill for a shrimp, not deriding it.
Carl D'Agostino
August 25, 2011
Maybe this will prevent running out of shrimp.
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
Wordplay! Well played, sir!
gerknoop
August 25, 2011
I myself believe it makes the shrimp more lovable and less eatable….who could eat that little guy after watching that? He was trying so hard! Just doing his best. I was rooting for him all the way!
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
It’s a bit embarrassing that a shrimp can get on a treadmill while we can’t find the motivation to run off all those shrimp we’ve eaten.
georgettesullins
August 25, 2011
I’d like to find out more about P waves that our four legged friends can feel before a quake. Maybe that’s how your caption contest friend earned his sprinkle donut halo. (I know, I know the caption contest is over…but I would like to find out more on this subject.)
The Good Greatsby
August 26, 2011
But that fails the test by actually sounding like a useful study.
She's a Maineiac
August 25, 2011
I was rooting for the little buggah, too, gerknoop. The poor thing, he’d almost give up, slide backward…so close to flying right off the treadmill. But he only kept on trucking like the brave little shrimpie he is. Very similar to my workouts. Except I don’t tend to float if I run too fast.
ryoko861
August 25, 2011
Amazing, isn’t it? How our hard earned money is used. Shrimp? Really now? I guess mice were getting too expensive. Cheaper to study shrimp.
I’m all for allocating money for finding intelligent life on earth, especially in Washington DC. That area seems to breed some of the dumbest people! Must be the water.
Brown Road Chronicles
August 25, 2011
I’m all for research on any kind of exercise. I’m confused though, that doesn’t look anything like a shrimp. I thought shrimp were pink and came in a ring with a little bowl of sauce in the middle.
thelifeofjamie
August 25, 2011
I would absolutely support trying to find intelligent life on this planet. I’ll donate .25 cents to the cause!
gardenmad
August 25, 2011
I am not watching the shrimp video. I like shrimp far too much to participate in their abuse. I especially like them sauteed with a touch of Sambucca.
educlaytion
August 25, 2011
This will be helpful as I prepare to teach American Govt. next week. My examples of govt. waste were getting a little stagnant. I guess I should’ve just put my brain on a treadmill.
pegoleg
August 25, 2011
Pretty soon Australia will unveil its new tourism campaign where Paul Hogan exhorts us to “come and put another shrimp on the treadmill!”
nursemyra
August 27, 2011
Lord please save us from Paul Hogan again
Byron MacLymont
August 25, 2011
Science. Psh. What has science ever done for us? Nothing. When has science ever had a positive impact on our lives? Never. Do you realize sometimes so-called scientists do experiments that aren’t even successful? What a waste.
Luda
August 25, 2011
“When athletes are interviewed and asked how they plan to win a game, and answer, “We’ve just got to want it more,” is it possible to give them electric shocks through my remote control?”
Let’s send the athletes to other planets. Basketball on Mars? I bet there’s an industry for that.
Speeder
August 25, 2011
Actually, on the sports interview I would like to apply the shock not to the jock, but to the side-line reporter who asks the dumb questions, ” How do you feel?” and “When did you know you had the game won?”.
John Erickson
August 25, 2011
Most of your answers might be found on the Discovery Channel program Mythbusters. Always a hoot!
I know why they did the study of the shrimp on the treadmill, but they should’ve posted the video with a 1-cent charge. They’d have made back the $500,000 and then some!
And as to the sports players, I’ve always advocated for snipers in the rafters to make ALL sporting events more enjoyable. Not to mention making the term “Sudden Death” have a real meaning!
By the way, the reason we search for intelligent life on other planets is we’ve PROVEN there’s none here on Earth. “It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it…….”. (Extra points if anyone can identify the song title that is from.)
nursemyra
August 27, 2011
Star Trekkin’ by The Firm
John Erickson
August 27, 2011
Rarely do I actually do it, even more rarely do I type it, but LMAO! 😀 Methinks we have a Trekkie in our midst, no?
(Trekkers are fen [the plural of fan] trying to save a last shred of dignity. Trekkies are full-blown fen with no pride. I helped RUN conventions, so I’m a pusher AND a Trekkie!)
John Erickson
August 27, 2011
ps- I would normally say that if you ARE that far gone a fan, I love you, but I’m already married. To a lady who was going to sci-fi cons 10 years before I was. Dressed as Princess Leibacca, the half-wookie, half-human offspring of Leah and Chewie.
Yep.
There really is someone out there for everybody. We met at a convention. DESTINY!!! 😀
nursemyra
August 27, 2011
Alas, sorry to disillusion you but I’m not a Trekkie, though two of my best friends are. I only know the song because Rage, our local music program in Oz, played it repeatedly some years ago
joehoover
August 25, 2011
I recall recently there was a Government funded grant here in the UK to find out the best biscuit for dunking in a cup of tea. They also paid for research into how to make the best cup of tea and another into why biscuits crumble. The cure for cancer will be a long time coming at this rate…
pegoleg
August 25, 2011
Unless the cure for cancer happens to involve biscuits…
Annie
August 26, 2011
I have a feeling that physically fit shrimp doesn’t taste as good as the lazy, fat kind.
I love all the suggested studies. One has already been done – the 10 second rule. I remember watching it on 20/20 or dateline or something like that years ago. They proved that eating dropped food off the floor is more sanitary in outdoor public spaces than off your own kitchen floor. I am so thankful they spent the time and money to figure that out.
Has anyone ever told you you’re funny? 😉
pattisj
August 26, 2011
ryoko861: Isn’t it obvious that once the testing is done, the shrimp can be served as lunch, saving $$ in the long run; and then the gov’t could donate to Paul’s cause! I think he sold out.
spilledinkguy
August 26, 2011
I would have built the tiny treadmill for only $900.00.
Now who do I talk to about putting in a tiny weight-machine bid?
🙂
suzicate
August 26, 2011
Does this shrimp exercise program mean I will no longer be able to buy 25/30 count shrimp and will have to eat wimpy 50/60 count?!
pauseandsmile
August 26, 2011
Love your alternative studies, especially ~ “Instead of seeking intelligent life on other planets, let’s focus on confirming intelligent life on this planet. After we locate those intelligent people, let’s find a way to send everyone else to those other planets.”
Sounds like a solid plan!
Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to eat a shrimp without laughing first, as I’ll be wondering just how much this little guy worked out.
Binky
August 26, 2011
I’ll do a cute Wombies-on-a-treadmill study for a mere $500 in chocolate.
And the 10-second rule over here is 3 seconds. We must have faster germs.
Brynn
August 26, 2011
I like my shrimp strong and lean.
Laura
August 26, 2011
Shrimp on a Treadmill sounds like a low-budget sequel to Snakes on a Plane.
HoaiPhai
August 27, 2011
Har!!
nursemyra
August 27, 2011
hahaha…. yes it does!
EllieAnn
August 26, 2011
I didn’t even know that shrimp sweat! An excellent fact to add to my random fact collection.
HoaiPhai
August 27, 2011
I hope that the shrimp wiped down the machine after he was finished.
squelchorama
August 27, 2011
Love the ‘chattin’ up the ladies’ line…funny piece!
The geniuses of Mythbusters have indeed taken a couple of these on:
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-buttered-toast-minimyuth.html
http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-five-second-rule-minimyth.html
Cheers!