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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts published on »May, 2011«
Mother’s Day Cards from Second-string Children
Not all moms are created equal. Most moms try their best, but when you happen to be “accidentally” reading your neighbor’s mail and come across the following Mother’s Day cards, you have good reason to wonder about her mothering abilities.
You’re Welcome, Mom
May 6, 2011
Parents are supposed to love all their children equally, but my siblings and I knew our parents had favorites. They always said they loved us the same, and they tried not to let their favoritism show, but still, we all knew…because we listened at the door on Mother’s Day as they criticized the cards we […]
If You Want to be Impressed, Always Call Before Dropping in on the Johnsons
May 5, 2011
“Oh, you’re in the neighborhood and wanted to drop in. That’s fine. We’ll see you in ten minutes.” “But I’m just around the corner. I can be there in three.” “But still, we’ll see you in ten minutes.” I shout out to my wife and two sons, “Ten minutes, team! We’ve got ten minutes to […]
Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator
May 4, 2011
For those of you who said you had zero interest in the Royal Wedding, this is what you missed: Those who missed the wedding coverage in favor of your local bar’s giant hat drinking game will be sorely disappointed by the irony. Millions spent on the wedding of the decade, the whole world watching, and […]
Tough Love Friendship to Distract Your Recently Dumped Girl Friend
May 3, 2011
Question for women: What do you do when your girlfriend just got dumped and she’s feeling terrible? How can you cheer her up and help her forget the breakup? You could suggest the cliche “let’s eat a gallon of ice cream and a tube of Tollhouse cookie dough”, but is gaining three pounds going to […]
Where were you when Osama Bin Laden died of boredom while watching Vin Diesel’s Fast Five at a celebration party for William and Kate’s royal wedding?
May 2, 2011
In recent days we’ve experienced three historical events most people will remember their whole lives: 1. The killing of Osama Bin Laden 2. The royal wedding of William and Kate 3. The debut of the fifth Fast and The Furious film as the top movie over the weekend with $83.6 million–maybe not historically significant today, […]
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