Thank You for Inviting Me to the Party. I Apologize for My Behavior at the Party.

Posted on May 23, 2012

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party

Thank you for inviting me to the party.

Also, I apologize for my behavior at the party.

Thank you for the delicious food served at the party.

I apologize for filling my backpack with the delicious food and trying to sell it to the other guests at the party.

Thank you for telling me to make myself at home when I arrived at the party.

I apologize for assuming that because I hit on my wife at my home, making myself at home at your home would include hitting on your wife at the party.

Thank you for showing me your home videos during the party.

I apologize for pointing out your children’s lack of stage presence in the home videos we watched at the party.

Thank you for allowing me to perform my magic act at the party.

I apologize for being unable to make your kids reappear at the end of the magic act at the party.

Thank you for showing me your personal library during the party.

I apologize for saying any library comprised of over 50% Koontz, Cussler, Grafton, and Grisham should be called ‘library*’ at the party.

Thank you for allowing me to pick the music playlist at the party.

I apologize for inviting my band to perform the playlist at the party. I didn’t mention this in advance because I worried you would ask around and learn we specialized in being terrible.

Thank you for telling me I could go into your closet and borrow a sweater after I spilled a Bloody Mary all over my shirt at the party.

I apologize for putting on your wife’s sweater at the party. And then her skirt. And then her make-up. And then coming back out to do an impression of her. I could tell by your face you didn’t think this was funny but it was kind of an inside joke among all the rest of us. You’d get the joke if you understood how much we all dislike your wife.

Thank you for not getting upset when I didn’t use a coaster when I set down my drink at the party.

I apologize for using your son’s head when I set down my drink at the party.

Once again, thank you for inviting me to the party.

Also, I apologize for coming to the party.

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