About once a week my wife and I discuss the case of the missing Tupperware. Some people can never find their socks and blame the dryer. Some people can never find a wooden stake when a vampire comes knocking. Some people can never find their medication, because I’ve hidden it. My wife and I can never find our Tupperware.
Every other month we add Tupperware to the shopping list. We buy eight new containers and in a month they all seem to be missing. We also keep all the plastic containers every time we order Indian food delivery. But still the Tupperware disappears faster than we can restock it. Where does the Tupperware go?
When my wife and I budget each month and discuss what expenses we can eliminate to to save more money, solving the Tupperware mystery is always high on the list:
Napkins: Even though the kids use them to wipe their faces at the table, they then wipe the napkins on their sleeves. Let’s save money by cutting out the middleman.
Vegetables: When are we going to learn that buying vegetables is not the same as eating vegetables. Why do we keep filling our crisper with good intentions?
Dentists: Why were we getting their teeth checked when those teeth just ended up falling out anyway?
Tupperware: We’re going to need one giant locking Tupperware container to preserve all the Tupperware that keeps disappearing.
The kids returned to school this morning after a long Christmas vacation and we repeated the same morning routine: I made them breakfast, then prepared lunches, then I asked them to name reasons their dad was better than their friends’ dads, then I fruitlessly searched for a container to put the lunches in as I complained, “Where is all the Tupperware?”
More than once I’ve resorted to forcing sandwiches into those tiny containers that couldn’t seat a hard-boiled egg comfortably. I realize the kids will have some trouble getting the sandwich back out, so when I hand the container over I always remind them, “Just give the bottom of the Tupperware a couple hard smacks and that sandwich should pop right out.”
I didn’t feel too bad about the smushed sandwiches because I always suspected the disappearance was the children’s fault. Today The Fonz’s teacher invited my wife to look in The Fonz’s cubby hole where she found twelve sets of fuzzy Tupperware.
The Fonz and I shared the following dialogue when my wife showed me the stack of moldy plastic containers.
Remember this morning when I complained about all the missing Tupperware?
(Silence.)
Why didn’t you say anything?
(Silence.)
Do you remember every morning for months I’ve asked why all the Tupperware keeps disappearing, and asked you two boys if you knew where it was? Why didn’t you say anything?
(Silence.)
Did you know where the Tupperware was?
Yeah.
Why didn’t you say where it was or at least bring it home?
(Silence.)
We gave him the choice of one of the following punishments:
Sleep in a Tupperware bed for the rest of his life, thus preserving him in his seven-year-old state indefinitely.
Start eating school lunch and its pizza sauce made from ketchup.
Since he had twelve meals worth of containers he should go without food for the next twelve meals.
He must whittle new smaller Tupperware out of the existing Tupperware.
He must Tupper-wear the Tupperware to school for the rest of the year.
Clean the Tupperware.
We assumed he’d automatically pick the last option but he keeps asking us to reread him the list before he decides.
…..
One more day to submit captions in the caption contest.
The Good Greatsby 
bearman
January 9, 2012
Vegetables: When are we going to learn that buying vegetables is not the same as eating vegetables. Why do we keep filling our crisper with good intentions?
I try to convince my wife of this one too. Just buy more doritos…it has corn in it.
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
We have such good intentions when we shop but those intentions don’t translate into actual recipes when we prepare meals.
Stepping My Way to Bliss
January 9, 2012
When our daughter was little, we used to ask, “where are all the spoons?”…they were disappearing at an alarming rate. Finally one day, I was throwing something away and glint of metal caught my eye–she had been throwing them away with her yogurt cups. Don’t get me started on the life-forms we have discovered in her room over the years (wish I could say that at age 24 these days are long past–thought so until we had to go through all her stuff in storage that she packed before going to live out of country. I think she has a secret goal of creating a new species–a troubling form of “god-complex”.) ~~Bliss
becomingcliche
January 9, 2012
Food storage containers are the bane of my existence, as well. I finally told the kids that if they don’t come home with them, they buy more with their own money. Wow. Those containers pop back up in no time.
Life in the Boomer Lane
January 9, 2012
I was a Tupperware dealer for several years. Lots of human interest stories in those little burpable containers. Oh, and also rotting food.
m
January 9, 2012
Hey, give him credit. The plastic tops and plastic bottoms are all there. I always have extra square tops and extra rectangular bottoms. How does that happen? And forget about matching the round ones, can’t happen.
psychowatcher
January 9, 2012
Same thing here. I have bottoms of some shape / size and tops for others….
Maybe our tupperwares are running away with each other?
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
We’ve ended up with a large stack of extra tops but no extra bottoms.
JM Randolph
January 10, 2012
I have your extra bottoms and am in need of tops.
Laura
January 10, 2012
Yeah, me too. Also, instead of being neatly stacked, my Tupperware containers always seem to wind up arranged in a gravity-defying kinetic sculpture, so when I want to use one, I have to remove it carefully, lest the whole thing come tumbling down like a failed attempt at Tupperware Jenga.
Glynis Sylvia
January 10, 2012
Many people don’t know that there is a little letter on their Tupperware containers to match the lid sizes. On the round lids with tabs, it is often on the tab. Match this with the letter on the bottom of the bowl and Voila ! However, if you folks are not talking about bona fide Tupperware, you’re all on your own and I have no sympathy for you.
Tupperware ROCKS !!
Kathryn McCullough
January 9, 2012
But where does mine go? I have no kids–only two dogs and one partner–and, oh yes, I almost forgot–a growing population of mice picnicking in our kitchen. Guess I’ll blame the rodents——–
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
But do the dogs ever prepare a lunch to take on a picnic?
Glynis Sylvia
January 9, 2012
Is that even bona fide Tupperware in the picture? I know it looks different in other countries. Or are you just calling some inferior, grocery store product Tupperware? I’m forwarding this blog entry to my Tupperware Lady for confirmation. Be afraid, be very afraid.
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
You’re right, it’s not actually Tupperware. I’m not sure we can even find Tupperware in China. I just call every plastic container Tupperware similar to how many people call all tissue Kleenex.
katecourysfarmhouse.com
January 9, 2012
Come to our house the tupperware breeds in the cabinet while we sleep….like jack rabbits! Don’t you have baggies in Shanghai? Hilarious Post! Welcome home.
PS: My oldest Son is currently in Nanning China at the moment…which I “think” is not very close to Shanghai….have you ever been to Nanning? (Don’t know if I spelled that correctly)
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
We have plastic baggies available but we try not to use plastic bags.
I’ve been to all the areas around Nanning but never actually in Nanning. It’s in a much more scenic area of China than Shanghai.
susielindau
January 9, 2012
There was a show on TV many years ago called, “Picket Fences.” In one of the episodes there were twins that never aged. In the last scene, they go to bed in Tupperware! All kinds of great uses for it!
BTW my kids still keep all of mine and they are in their 20’s…
Too funny!
georgettesullins
January 9, 2012
I wrote about one special piece of tupperware I lost and especially missed. I’m sentimental like that. You need to add “tupperware” to your tags. I learned and I will pass it along, this post will get lots of hits with the search term ‘tupperware.’
Todd Pack
January 9, 2012
Our containers keep disappearing, too, but seldom is the disappearance related to food. I found one container in the garage. Someone (OK, probably me) had used it to store an old satellite radio, plus cables, antenna and mounting bracket. I found one in the back of the freezer that someone (definitely not me) had used to store a melting fudge sicle last summer. (I think it was a fudge sicle, anyway. It was bround and misshapen and in the freezer; I don’t want to consider the other possibilities.)
thoughtsappear
January 9, 2012
“Start eating school lunch and its pizza sauce made from ketchup.”—This is way harsh….
jacquelincangro
January 9, 2012
If you really want to get the Fonz to think about what he did – make him eat that leftover food. 😛
He’ll never forget to bring home the Tupperware again.
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
His brother did suggest eating that leftover food as one of the punishment options.
The Byronic Man
January 9, 2012
I just cleaned the tupperware cupboard out the other day to, really, far too many rhetorical cries of “How can there be this many containers with no lids, and lids with no containers!? They’re never separated!”
It was one of my less cool moments.
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
Don’t let anyone tell you cleaning out your cupboards isn’t cool.
spilledinkguy
January 9, 2012
Most of the missing Tupperware in my apartment has been hidden by me.
Because I HATE washing the stuff.
It’s all been designed to maximize un-washable nooks and crannies.
Seriously, there’s more surface area in a Tupperware lid than… than… uh… something else. With a ton of surface area.
🙂
pattisj
January 10, 2012
Ah, SIG, you were supposed to buy the special Tupperware gizmo to clean all those nooks and crannies! After more years than I care to mention, I still have that thing–but the rest of the plastic ware is gone.
absence of alternatives
January 9, 2012
I agree w the fonz: no way am I touching those moldy containers. You think lady gaga will approve a Tupperware suit? It’s long time coming
joehoover
January 9, 2012
Everyone at work steals my tupperware. Sometimes even when my lunch is still in it.
The Good Greatsby
January 9, 2012
But are they polite enough to return the Tupperware after they eat your lunch?
joehoover
January 10, 2012
Nope
monicastangledweb
January 9, 2012
I’m with you on the veggies. I do that all the time. Good intentions, indeed. I , too, lose my Tupperware. Mostly, because it’s hard to keep them organized, and I’m constantly losing the lids, which makes the containers useless. They’re nothing without their lids. Once again, hilarious post!
thelifeofjamie
January 9, 2012
tell him to rob his piggy bank and throw out the tupperware! nothing is scarier than old dirty tupperware!
thesinglecell
January 10, 2012
I don’t have kids, and in my day school lunch was transported in paper bags or lunch boxes. But my Tupperware mostly ends up in my car. If I clean out the trunk I tend to find a significant population. Sometimes it’s redeemable.
thesinglecell
January 10, 2012
Forgot to include this part: Tupperware thieves! Friends I share good food with who then keep all my plastic containers! One friend even kept a Corningware casserole dish! And I can’t be all, “Hey, that’s mine!” when I go there… it’s awkward.
artjen1971
January 10, 2012
I think you have been spying on our life and assuming for your own in your stories. That reminds me…I need to go clean out the crisper–the garbage men come tomorrow.
dadssister
January 10, 2012
What? Lose Tupperware? Mine breeds during uses. The problem is the tops will breed and you don’t have any bottoms or the bottoms breed and you have no tops. Never at the same time. I hate it when that happens. You start out with 4 containers with lids and within a few months you have 4 times that amount.
madtante
January 10, 2012
You forgot “tie a dead Tupperware around his neck and make him wear it for a week.” Or was that in there? I got distracted by that fantastic lighting. Fluorescents hurt my eyes (yet I use them, too).
Sandi Ormsby
January 10, 2012
Our tupperware always seems to be missing, as well.
It’s a cat taking them.
Think I’m kidding? You’ve been visited by Klepto Kitty
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
Lake Forest, CA USA
Glynis Sylvia
January 10, 2012
OK, I finked on all of you. My Tupperware lady has now been to this post and she has read all of your blasphemies against The Sacred Plastic. She has recorded all of your IP addresses. You can soon expect a computer virus – packaged, of course, in a Modular Mate with the lid color of your choice.
Glynis Sylvia
January 10, 2012
The ultimate Tupperholics even keep their indestructible plastic toys fresh forever in the Sacred Plastic – burped, of course, to ensure maximum protection and freshness. My kids’ Legos will live FOREVERRRRRRRR !
pegoleg
January 10, 2012
Several of those containers are nearly full. Figure out what he’s throwing into the mold pile in the bottom of his locker and make him eat only that kind of sandwich for a week.
Just last week I posted an idea that will revitalize Tupperware’s sales and revolutionize the mortuary sciences. Seems in January a young blogger’s fancy turns to thoughts of Tupperware.
Ahmnodt Heare
January 10, 2012
I eat my vegetables. Putting pizza in the crisper will only make it colder. I like my pizza hot.
MJ, Nonstepmom
January 10, 2012
Cant help with the tuperware thing – In fact over the holidays I threw out an entire bin full of the stuff. But in my current post I did solve the problem of the sock- eating-washing machine & unmatched socks……
nancyfrancis
January 10, 2012
I’m not so much concerned about our Tupperware disappearing (I always figure its shelf life is really much shorter than we try to extend it to), as much as Tupperware storage.
I’ve never in my life had a good solution for Tupperware storage. Our new house is almost brilliantly organized, except for the Tupperware cupboard. Regardless of how many painstaking evenings have been spent gathered around the Tupperware cupboard, reorganizing and tossing mismatched bits – it never ceases to amaze me the chaos that exists the next time i open the door. Putting away the Tupperware generally consists of opening the door a crack, shoving the clean item in and quickly slamming the door… then generally dragging a chair over so the door will stay shut.
Its the poor sucker that moves the chair that has to deal with the Tupperware explosion.
THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!!
qwinkly3
January 10, 2012
Are you kidding me? Do you mean to tell me that your Tupperware is not organized and stored in other, larger Tupperware containers? Seriously, that huge, long “celery keeper” is perfect for lid storage ! It’s not like most folks have a standing order for celery every week, do they? I know that pizza guy a few posts above isn’t using his for actual veggies.
nancyfrancis
January 11, 2012
I know not of this ‘celery keeper’ you speak of, but would be more than willing to let you come arrange my tupperware and teach me your magical ways!
John Erickson
January 10, 2012
School lunch pizza made with ketchup? RITZ-ZY! I still have no idea what they used for ours. And considering it was more than 4 decades ago, I am quite comfortable not knowing.
Try Gladware. It won’t guarantee not going missing, and it doesn’t last as long, but it’s cheaper and less appealing to Tupperware thieves. Hoarders, on the other hand, have no solution. I speak from experience! 😀
Rob Rubin
January 10, 2012
I stopped bringing my lunch to work because we suddenly ran out of Tupperware and my conveniently environmentally conscious wife frowns upon me taking plastic bags.
So, I’ve been buying my lunch in the cafeteria ever since.
The other day I had to go in the trunk of the car for something, and lo and behold I found the Tupperware. I snuck it in the house and shoved it under my wife’s side of the bed. She was not amused.
flippingchannels
January 10, 2012
I think your tupperware is spontaneously materializing in my kitchen, because my collection of containers keeps growing…
Beth, just being me
January 10, 2012
in my house it’s about the case of the mismatched lids 🙂
:Punchie
January 11, 2012
“Tupperwhere”
Brilliant… You should market that name as a kind of existential plastic ware.
kathrinjapan
January 11, 2012
If he chooses “Tupper wear” punishment. Please inform him that includes a photograph and instant posting.
My son does a weird thing where we have a disproportionately high ratio of pencils but no erasers. Every time we do homework, he has plenty of pencils but the erasers are all unuseable nubs. What do it mean?
Glynis Sylvia
January 12, 2012
What it mean is he bad at math !
pegoleg
January 12, 2012
It means he’s not getting enough rubber in his diet. Try working in a couple of servings each week, perhaps sauteed in a little olive oil w/garlic.
bluebee
January 12, 2012
One of life’s greatest mysteries, much like the single sock (although I’ve heard that the latter’s missing half typically escapes down the washing machine outlet pipe and can be found sunning itself on the beaches of Tanzania)
Margie
January 16, 2012
At our house, even though the kids are grown and out on their own, the Tupperware keeps disappearing. So does a lot of our food, so I expect the kids are taking both home with them after they visit.