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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »family«
My Model Children
On Friday I asked if any readers had theories on the origins of this photo since I admitted I only recognized my son The Fonz, had never met the other three people in my life, and had no idea where the picture was taken. Did I forget to mention my children are models? I probably […]
The Fonz’s Birthday Revue Review
April 20, 2012
The Fonz called his 8th birthday his best ever. He started the day bounding down the steps while singing, “Giddy-eight, giddy-eight, giddy-eight, eight, eight!” to the tune of the William Tell Overture. We managed a fair amount of teasing, including telling him we had hired a ‘mathematician’ for his party after mishearing his request of […]
Happy Birthday, Apollo Fonzarelli #2
April 18, 2012
In our family, my wife and I show our love through teasing, because it’s a lot faster than helping with homework or taking them to the dentist. I tease the ones I love, which is why my wife should take comfort in knowing I never tease the women I flirt with at the gym. When […]
The Fonz Needs an Empathy Transplant
April 6, 2012
Yesterday I took the boys out to eat and my seven-year-old, The Fonz, asked how transplants worked. I explained that you could give someone one of your two kidneys and could survive with just one. My ten-year-old, Optimist Prime, turned to The Fonz and said, “If you needed a kidney to save your life, I’d […]
The Fonz and Whatshername Plot Thickens
March 30, 2012
I keep asking my seven-year-old, The Fonz, if he has any new updates on his romance with his Italian classmate, Whatshername. There hadn’t been much to report since my previous Fonz and Whatshername post and I realized maybe that’s because relationships for seven-year-olds don’t go any further than her giving him the nickname ‘Fun Guy’ […]
If She Had Four Eyes, One Should Be On Me
March 26, 2012
Mrs. Greatsby is in the last lap of completing her master’s degree. After three years of hard work and not paying enough attention to me, she’s only a month a way from completing her thesis and fulfilling my dream of her paying more attention to me. I was pretty satisfied with the amount of attention […]
The Distracted Detective Strikes Again…Or At Least I Think He Did
March 19, 2012
As I’ve written before, I’ve often fantasized about being a detective because I like a good mystery, enjoy calling women ‘dames’, and appreciate any excuse for staying out late. And I’m pretty good at deciphering clues. Just last week Mrs. Greatsby asked me who had tracked jam all over the kitchen floor and it only […]
Dear Good Housekeeping: How do I get Karo syrup out of a ukulele?
March 12, 2012
Dear Good Housekeeping, While perusing your site today I found many helpful tips on cleaning everything from leather sofas to freezers to sponges, but I was disappointed when I didn’t find a single tip on how to get Karo syrup out of a ukulele. Surely I can’t be the first person to fall asleep while […]
Complete and Utter Rubbish!
March 9, 2012
Optimist Prime has always been a bit wise for a ten-year-old, and his seeming wisdom has only increased now that he’s chosen to permanently speak in a British accent. He’s been trying it out here and there with an occasional “That’s bloody brilliant” or “And I said rubbish! Complete and utter rubbish!” but this last […]
The Fonz’s Dental Dilemma
March 3, 2012
Mrs. Greatsby and I have a different perspective on taking the kids to the dentist. When the kids saw the dentist last week and she insisted the boys needed thousands and thousands of dollars of dental and orthodontic work, my wife immediately scheduled follow-up appointments. But when I see a dentist I see a person […]
Another Interview with Apollo Fonzarelli
March 2, 2012
The last time I interviewed my seven-year-old, Apollo Fonzarelli, was when he was sick in bed and so tired that he couldn’t run away when I annoyed him with my questions. This time I was the immobile one as I lay on the floor with a back injury and made him sit next to me […]
The Gift is in the Mail
February 25, 2012
I’ve traveled all over China and I keep seeing the same placards to signify Men’s Restroom: And Women’s Restroom: But aren’t these two signs just a little bit sexist? Can’t a women smoke a pipe? And can’t a man use a high-heeled shoe to break open a coconut? ….. Only one day left to submit […]
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April 23, 2012
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