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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »comedy«
Friends Come and Go–Mostly Go
Living in Shanghai has conditioned me not to get too attached to people. A large percentage of the foreigners here are sent over on one or two year contracts, so a significant portion of our social outings are spent at farewell parties. After seven years in Shanghai, I’ve become pretty efficient at meeting new people […]
Appoint Me Bad Apple of Apple’s Eye
September 5, 2011
Last week, Steve Jobs announced his retirement from Apple in a short statement: “I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come. I hereby resign as CEO […]
Chinglish ddung
September 4, 2011
The product below appears to be a package of sanitary wipes. I assume the sanitary wipes can be used for many sanitation purposes, although the brand name “ddung” does seem to suggest a fairly specific use. The next product wasn’t found in China, but was actually found on a Waitrose grocery store shelf in Scotland. […]
Saturday Salad Bar
September 3, 2011
My 19-hour birthday passed even faster than I had anticipated, and since I was traveling, I did manage to avoid even a single happy birthday wish from any friends or family, allowing me to make people feel guilty for the next year. Making it even better was when I stopped at an Internet cafe in […]
A Change of Style
September 1, 2011
Home again, home again. I made it back to Shanghai this morning, and I had previously told my wife not to make a big fuss, which is probably why nobody met me at the airport. Probably also why nobody met me at home either. And probably why my wife didn’t answer the phone when I […]
Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince Someone to Give Me a House?
August 31, 2011
Today is my birthday and my mom has agreed to be a guest panelist and refrain from trying to make me feel guilty as her gift to me. The first question comes from Jim Chaney at The Wordslinger. Please check out his blog and click on all his links. You might start with his hilarious post My […]
Dreams that Won’t Come True After 33
August 30, 2011
Tomorrow I celebrate my 33rd birthday by boarding a plane back to Shanghai. I feel a bit cheated that I’ll be traveling east and the change in time zones will cut significant time from my birthday. If my calculations are correct, my birthday will only last 19 hours. Where will these 5 hours go? Somebody owes […]
The Immaculate High Five
August 29, 2011
The slap of our hands cut through the air and reverberated off the walls. Each of us stared at our hands, frozen in the air, both unsure of what we had just experienced. We spoke in unison, “What just happened?” July 28, 2011 started like any other day. I got out of bed and put my pants on […]
Chinglish NO SMIWWING
August 28, 2011
My friend Andrew took this picture: At first he laughed at the sign because who needs to be warned, “NO SMIWWING”? I think we’re all born with the intrinsic knowledge that smiwwing is not acceptable. But the more he thought about the wanring, the more he felt compelled by the rebellious, overpowering urge to smiw. Optimist Prime took […]
Saturday Surprise
August 27, 2011
While here in Edinburgh, friends have asked if I miss my kids, and I answer, “Who? Oh, right, I have kids.” Actually I do sometimes miss them, like last week when I dropped a coin into a sewer drain and could have utilized their tiny hands and arms to retrieve it, but mostly I miss the funny things they […]
Friday Love Letters: Dear Nigella
August 26, 2011
Dear Nigella, I have no interest in cooking, but still I watch your cooking show. Actually, I didn’t even know it was a cooking show until the fourth episode when my wife returned home early and asked what I was watching. I jumped out of my chair and answered, “Honey, I know what this looks like. […]
Shrimp on a Treadmill
August 25, 2011
A new partisan report on wasteful government spending knocked money allocated to science by highlighting $500,000 awarded to a study involving shrimp running on treadmills. The director of the study defended the study by saying the shrimp on a treadmill was only one small part of the study and that portion only cost $1000. Read the story […]
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The Good Greatsby 
September 6, 2011
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