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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All posts tagged under »comedy«
Boyfriend Goes Hog Wild
A Florida man on a hunting trip accidentally shot his girlfriend in the leg when he mistook her for a hog. When she woke up, I wonder how that conversation went. “What happened? Did you shoot me?” “Baby, I promise it was an accident; from a distance you looked just like a hog.” “Can I hold […]
The Not So Secret Service
April 25, 2012
Turns out the Secret Service isn’t so good at keeping secrets. You’ve probably heard about the Secret Service prostitution scandal resulting in many agents being fired after reports surfaced of agents employing the services of prostitutes during a trip to Colombia. The trouble started after one agent woke up the next morning and decided he […]
My Model Children
April 23, 2012
On Friday I asked if any readers had theories on the origins of this photo since I admitted I only recognized my son The Fonz, had never met the other three people in my life, and had no idea where the picture was taken. Did I forget to mention my children are models? I probably […]
The Fonz’s Birthday Revue Review
April 20, 2012
The Fonz called his 8th birthday his best ever. He started the day bounding down the steps while singing, “Giddy-eight, giddy-eight, giddy-eight, eight, eight!” to the tune of the William Tell Overture. We managed a fair amount of teasing, including telling him we had hired a ‘mathematician’ for his party after mishearing his request of […]
Happy Birthday, Apollo Fonzarelli #2
April 18, 2012
In our family, my wife and I show our love through teasing, because it’s a lot faster than helping with homework or taking them to the dentist. I tease the ones I love, which is why my wife should take comfort in knowing I never tease the women I flirt with at the gym. When […]
Strangers on a Train–Not Strangers for Long
April 16, 2012
I saw this picture of a crowded train of Muslims heading home for a religious festival. At first I felt bad they had to ride in such uncomfortable conditions, but I heard the in-train entertainment featured an outstanding stand-up comedian and the time just flew by: Hello, ladies and gentleman, I know I’m supposed to […]
Things I Hope People Will Say About Me After I Die
April 13, 2012
Whatever happened to the guy who used to sit in the corner and would always hit on my wife while I was in the bathroom? Sorry kids, but a customer died this week, and because of his bar tab there won’t be any Christmas this year. Every day I regret not telling Paul how much […]
Can I Do You a Favor?
April 9, 2012
Let me know if you ever need a favor, especially if the favor is easy and doesn’t take much time. And don’t be surprised if I someday call in that favor. And don’t be surprised if the favor I ask is difficult and takes a long time. And don’t be surprised if I ask for […]
The Fonz Needs an Empathy Transplant
April 6, 2012
Yesterday I took the boys out to eat and my seven-year-old, The Fonz, asked how transplants worked. I explained that you could give someone one of your two kidneys and could survive with just one. My ten-year-old, Optimist Prime, turned to The Fonz and said, “If you needed a kidney to save your life, I’d […]
Questions You Can’t Ask During Parent Teacher Conference
April 4, 2012
The boys had their parent teacher conferences last week and my wife attended both conferences without me because she’s a librarian at the boys’ school and worries I might embarrass her by asking inappropriate questions. Whenever someone asks if I have any questions, whether it’s a doctor, a teacher, or the police, I fight the […]
Hitting the Manipulation Jackpot
April 2, 2012
Last week many Americans were closely following the Mega Millions lottery offering a record $800 million jackpot. Some people were excited about the possibility of winning the jackpot, but even more people were excited by the prospects of taking advantage of somebody who won the jackpot. Here’s how I understand the odds: The chances of […]
As the Chinglish World Turns
April 1, 2012
I wanted to purchase this pocket financial planner but I reconsidered after taking to heart the message on the cover: ‘Save your money!’ I didn’t even have to purchase the planner and its wisdom already saved me money. ….. Mrs. Greatsby has wanted to get a globe for the kids, and I considered purchasing this […]
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April 27, 2012
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