When somebody cuts your hair successfully fifteen months in a row, you stop paying close attention during the haircut. This last Tuesday I brought my son along to chat with me while I sat in the barber’s chair, and I believe this distraction is what prevented me from noticing until the very end that my hairdresser was very, very drunk. As I examined my uneven sideburns and a couple patchy spots, I remembered catching the strong smell of alcohol earlier but wondered why this knowledge didn’t translate into an immediate fear of him snipping off my ears.
I knew the haircut would even out in a few days so I found the whole experience funny and planned to tell my wife about it when we both returned home in the evening. I would have called to tell her about it earlier if I had known she was planning on visiting this same hairdresser later that day. She was leaving on a trip to the US to see her 
family on Wednesday and wasn’t thrilled about her hair being dyed strawberry blond when she asked for her normal dark brown nor did she appreciate her comically uneven fringe.
When I got home and knocked on the bathroom door where she was busy dyeing her hair back to brown using a cheap store kit, she asked, “Did you notice our hairdresser was drunk?”
“Yup, I sure did,” I answered. This was the wrong answer.
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Remember to submit a caption in the caption contest by tomorrow at 6AM EST when the finalists will be announced. Don’t be the only kid on your block who didn’t make a submission.
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The Fonz has taken to calling me, Pop. “Whatever you say, Pop. You betcha, Pop.” I didn’t really like the name because it makes me feel old and when he wouldn’t stop saying it I started calling him Pop in return. He insisted kids couldn’t be called Pop, but I told him his nickname came because he loved soda pop. Later in the day I told Optimist Prime his new nickname was Pop because he was so good at catching pop flies in baseball. Next I told my wife her new nickname was Pop because she was wearing a green dress that really seemed to make her eyes pop. At dinner, I asked Pop to pass the butter and everyone reached for it at the same time.
Not so fun calling me Pop now, huh, Fonz? I mean, Pop?
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My wife and kids left for a visit to the US on Wednesday. They’ll be gone two weeks and will return to Shanghai after I leave for Edinburgh where I’ll be performing throughout August in a 29 show run as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It will be more than six weeks before we all see each other again and is the longest we’ve ever been apart.
Optimist Prime said he would miss me, and I replied I would miss him even more. He insisted he would miss me the most, but I explained that he would be doing lots of fun things on his vacation and wouldn’t have time to think about me. I, on the other hand, would be working and stuck at home by myself and would obviously miss him more. I expected him to disagree, but he shrugged his shoulders and answered, “Yeah, I guess you will miss me more. Tough luck.”
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Have you ever noticed that people who say, “If there’s one thing I hate…” are often the type of people who have way more than one thing that they hate?
The Good Greatsby 
Laura
July 23, 2011
Your hairdresser wasn’t drunk; he’s evil. I mean, think about it — what are the odds that both you and your wife would fail to notice his drunkenness until after he’d worked on you? Clearly, he just faked being drunk after the damage was done. Because he’s evil. The first 15 good haircuts were all part of his master plan.
misswhiplash
July 23, 2011
If I was anywhere near Edinburgh I would POP in to see you but I shall be down the bottom of the country so I shall not POP into see you.
as for haircuts..well it will all grow again, but fancy doing Mrs Pops hair strawberry blonde. When you POP into the barbers/hairdressers you expect to get what you asked for . If I were you I would not POP in there again.
Going now to POP to the shops
Bridgesburning Chris King
July 23, 2011
So when I write for Wednesday advice do I address you as Dear Pop Greatsby?Or Dear Good Pop? And should I eat popcorn when I write?
My dad always said – the only difference between a good haircut and a bad one is two weeks.
WHERE and when in Edinburgh will you be playing will send my cousin Rachael to see you and even buy a ticket!
Laura
July 24, 2011
I’d go with Dear Pop Popsy.
The Good Greatsby
July 26, 2011
I may post some ticket information about the play in the coming week.
She's a Maineiac
July 23, 2011
I agree with Bridgesburning, just keep repeating “it’ll grow out” and you’ll be fine. That is so hard to be away from your family for so long, I can only imagine. At least OP kept it all in perspective for you. Hang in there, Pops!
Lenore Diane
July 23, 2011
Bad haircut? Wear your smoking jacket. No one will notice your hair.
My kid Joe – he calls me “Mommy bo bommy”. I tried to deter him from calling me Mommy bo bommy by calling him Joey bo boey. He just laughs. Maybe I’ll try calling him Pop.
Lunar Euphoria
July 23, 2011
Drunken barbers, Four Pops, Shanghai, plays, and Edinburgh – your life is so exciting!
thelifeofjamie
July 23, 2011
two weeks to yourself…I. AM. JEALOUS. (although I would miss my family after that long (a little))
thelifeofjamie
July 23, 2011
What are you performing in?
jacquelincangro
July 23, 2011
“Have you ever noticed that people who say, “If there’s one thing I hate…” are often the type of people who have way more than one thing that they hate?”
Boy isn’t that the truth. Those folks should get together with the people who say, “I’m the kind of person who…” It would be a very interesting conversation to say the least.
Maybe Pop is the new lingo for the kids these days. Maybe it’s a compliment and they call everyone Pop, even their friends. As in, “Hey, you are so cool, you’re like an ice cream pop.” I’m reaching here.
monicastangledweb
July 23, 2011
I also find annoying those that say, “At the end of the day…” What day, why at the end? And it’s not just one thing at the end of the day, its tons. It bugs me.
That’s a long time without seeing your family. At the end of the day, I’m sure you’re all going to miss each other very much.
Break a leg!
gojulesgo
July 24, 2011
Yes! “At the end of the day” is a big one around here (New Jersey), along with, “Not for nothin’, but…” Plus, “Not for nothing” doesn’t even make sense half the time people use it, because what they’re really trying to say is that their opinion doesn’t matter. What they SHOULD say is, “Not that you should take my advice, but…” Which is also kind of terrible.
Hope we get to hear more about the play soon, Paul! And P.S. – we call my dad Pop and it starts to grow on you.
Patricia
July 24, 2011
People who annoy me are the ones that say “it’s none of my business, but”. They always butt in your business anyway.
Break a leg. Don’t know why people say that but…
HoaiPhai
July 24, 2011
Barbers — what a blast from the past! My follicular acreage has dwindled to Dust Bowl levels. Mrs. HoaiPhai ran out and bought electric shears like in the opening scene of Full Metal Jacket so now when I need a trim, she puts on her Little Bo Peep costume and we make a night of it. Going bald does have its advantages.
Best of luck in Scotland! Please promise that your travels will not have an effect on the quality or frequency of your blog entries to which all your adoring fans have become addicted.
Invisible Mikey
July 24, 2011
It’s been almost eight years since I said goodbye to barbers, but I enjoyed this look at yours. Now I think men and women should all just shave it, as I do. We would save so much money and grief over whether our “dos” are effective, and cosmetologists could all go into wig making – a potentially huge new manufacturing industry. We would all be like Cher, in complete control of our color and cut, and able to change them to whatever extreme we liked. Or, like me, make small variations in facial hair and changes of hats create the whole impression.
The barber pole symbol comes to us from the days when they acted as barber-surgeons, traveling providers of urgent care, lancing boils, digging out splinters or grape shot, and opening disease pustules to let out the demonic energy. The stripe is the blood, running down the treated limb or neck.
Along with your other fans, I hope you’ll write about the play too!
ryoko861
July 24, 2011
What I would do for two weeks by myself.
HoaiPhai
July 24, 2011
Mikey, I hope I’m not getting out of line here but judging from how your entire head is bandaged in your avatar picture, you might want to change the blade in your razor or splurge on a premium shaving cream.
Girly
July 24, 2011
Wow… 6 weeks is a crazy long time to be away from family… 😦
Good luck and have fun in Edinburgh – it’s gonna be great, I know it!
Binky
July 24, 2011
Six weeks of partying! Woo-hoo! I mean, missing you family.
sgmarinova
July 25, 2011
Edinburgh is amazing 🙂 I love it there. Everyone says that the Fringe festival is amazing. HOpe you will write a blog about it….. 🙂 gl!
Jen
July 26, 2011
I feel the same about people who constantly complain about “drama.” They’re always that most dramatic people I know! [And I mean that in the Mean Girls way, not the stage-acting way.]
flippingchannels
July 26, 2011
I have to take my glasses off while getting my hair cut, so there is always a bit of risk involved.