Saturday Sampler

Posted on July 23, 2011


When somebody cuts your hair successfully fifteen months in a row, you stop paying close attention during the haircut.  This last Tuesday I brought my son along to chat with me while I sat in the barber’s chair, and I believe this distraction is what prevented me from noticing until the very end that my hairdresser was very, very drunk.  As I examined my uneven sideburns and a couple patchy spots, I remembered catching the strong smell of alcohol earlier but wondered why this knowledge didn’t translate into an immediate fear of him snipping off my ears.

I knew the haircut would even out in a few days so I found the whole experience funny and planned to tell my wife about it when we both returned home in the evening.  I would have called to tell her about it earlier if I had known she was planning on visiting this same hairdresser later that day.  She was leaving on a trip to the US to see her family on Wednesday and wasn’t thrilled about her hair being dyed strawberry blond when she asked for her normal dark brown nor did she appreciate her comically uneven fringe.

When I got home and knocked on the bathroom door where she was busy dyeing her hair back to brown using a cheap store kit, she asked, “Did you notice our hairdresser was drunk?”

“Yup, I sure did,” I answered.  This was the wrong answer.


Remember to submit a caption in the caption contest by tomorrow at 6AM EST when the finalists will be announced.  Don’t be the only kid on your block who didn’t make a submission.


The Fonz has taken to calling me, Pop.  “Whatever you say, Pop.  You betcha, Pop.”  I didn’t really like the name because it makes me feel old and when he wouldn’t stop saying it I started calling him Pop in return.  He insisted kids couldn’t be called Pop, but I told him his nickname came because he loved soda pop.  Later in the day I told Optimist Prime his new nickname was Pop because he was so good at catching pop flies in baseball.  Next I told my wife her new nickname was Pop because she was wearing a green dress that really seemed to make her eyes pop.  At dinner, I asked Pop to pass the butter and everyone reached for it at the same time.

Not so fun calling me Pop now, huh, Fonz?  I mean, Pop?


My wife and kids left for a visit to the US on Wednesday.  They’ll be gone two weeks and will return to Shanghai after I leave for Edinburgh where I’ll be performing throughout August in a 29 show run as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.  It will be more than six weeks before we all see each other again and is the longest we’ve ever been apart.

Optimist Prime said he would miss me, and I replied I would miss him even more.  He insisted he would miss me the most, but I explained that he would be doing lots of fun things on his vacation and wouldn’t have time to think about me.  I, on the other hand, would be working and stuck at home by myself and would obviously miss him more.  I expected him to disagree, but he shrugged his shoulders and answered, “Yeah, I guess you will miss me more.  Tough luck.”


Have you ever noticed that people who say, “If there’s one thing I hate…” are often the type of people who have way more than one thing that they hate?

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