When your friends and family gather for Thanksgiving and list their blessings, make sure and remind everyone they should be especially thankful for you.
Are You too Impressive?
If you’re anything like me, you’re a tremendously impressive person, and part of what makes you impressive is your deep humility preventing you from bringing your accomplishments to anyone’s attention. Impressive people like you learned your lesson back in elementary school when the teacher asked the class if anyone had anything to share, and you raised you hand and proceeded to outline your good grades, lack of cavities, and ability to find Waldo. And after school the other kids beat you up.
But you never stopped being a super-talented dynamo and you realized people wouldn’t resent your talents as much if they discovered them on their own instead of you taking out a full page ad in the school newspaper. But you’ve been waiting to be discovered for a long, long time and maybe your friends and family need a little help, and hosting Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity for you to leave subtle clues around your house about being an impressive person.
Make your medicine cabinet as impressive as possible.
Someone will always check the medicine cabinet in your bathroom. If you’re friends with my friend Andrew, then I guarantee Andrew will be this someone. You may only worry about the discovery of fungal cream, but after removing the embarrassing products, why not replace them with all your trophies, college transcripts showing your outstanding GPA, and a solved Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle?
Leave complex scientific notes lying around.
I like to sketch mathematical equations on napkins and bury them in the middle of the stack. When someone takes the napkin at Thanksgiving and asks why the napkin has an equation challenging Einstein’s theory of relativity, I snatch the napkin and tell her to mind her own business. (Warning: Do not invite any guests who know anything about math. Or relativity. Or relatives who remember your terrible grades in math.)
Please pass me a napkin.
Hide tools around the house so people will think of you as handy and masculine.
Why not leave a drill under a couch cushion? When a guest sits down he’ll immediately jump back up to pull the drill out from under him. “I was wondering where I left that drill,” I nonchalantly tell him. “I totally forgot it was under the cushion when I finished building the couch.” If the guests doubts you could have built the couch, especially with nothing more than a drill, this would be a good time to wrestle the drill away from him and pretend you thought it was a gun. Wrestling is also impressive.
Tack a fancy shopping list onto the refrigerator so people know you have good taste and money.
Shopping list:
Pule cheese made from donkey milk
1787 Chateau Lafitte
Matsutake mushrooms
white tiger cub
Super Bowl tickets
first edition Superman comic
Totino’s Party Pizza
Leave your daily planner open next to the toilet and when guests are looking for bathroom reading material, they’ll find every page looks like this:
If your family and friends don’t give thanks for you after all that, it may be time to meet some people with lower standards.
(My heartiest pip-pip to any new readers who found this post through Freshly Pressed. Feel free to stick around and click on every single button hundreds of time. You might enjoy the post I wrote in response to the first time I was Freshly Pressed: In Case You Haven’t Heard, I’m a Big Huge Gigantic Success; I’m Finally Getting the Recognition I’ve Always Claimed I Deserved)
The Good Greatsby 
becomingcliche
November 23, 2011
You forgot to add kopi luwak coffee to your shopping list. It’s the coffee made from beans that have been pooped by a civet cat. Not only is it expensive, but your guests will know that you have discerning tastes.
The Good Greatsby
November 23, 2011
I really hope that’s a real kind of coffee because it sounds like the perfect gift for those people on my Christmas list who already have everything.
joehoover
November 23, 2011
I had to google that, I’m going to force feed my cat Douwie Egberts and see what nuggets of gold come out.
becomingcliche
November 24, 2011
Of COURSE it’s a real kind of coffee. People will buy anything these days. “A coffee bean that some animal pooped out? Gimme! Want to charge me $120 a pound for it? Excellent. That means it must be good.”
Laura
November 24, 2011
It is real, but the civet isn’t really a cat, which is why I’ve never tried it. Well, that and the poop factor.
themiddlestsister
November 24, 2011
My husband and I actually bought that for our friend as a thank you gift for marrying us! Friend is an ordained minister who is crazy for coffee. I think he’s still saving it for a special occasion.
becomingcliche
November 24, 2011
Coffee is at its peak within 2 weeks of roasting. If he waits too long, it may just taste like poop.
J.D. Perkosky
November 26, 2011
I particularly enjoyed the “Totino’s Party Pizza” item on the snobbish shopping list. A nice touch.
Jason
November 23, 2011
Getting a few important phone calls throughout the day would help too. Make sure you always talk louder than anyone that has ever been on the phone. Say things like “yes, sell that IMMEDIATELY! I need to maximize my profit!” and “how many times do I need to tell you? I’ll hand deliver my newly created cancer vaccines to your office first thing Monday morning!” Who wouldn’t be impressed?
The Good Greatsby
November 23, 2011
I like the way you think. “MAXIMIZE MY PROFIT,” will be what I yell from now on when I get a wrong number.
randomlychad
November 23, 2011
5:00 Get sponsors for charity Durian eating contest.
The Good Greatsby
November 23, 2011
But if the money raised by the charity eating contest goes to a charity feeding the poor, that’s probably a bit too far.
randomlychad
November 24, 2011
I guess. Just know that you couldn’t pay me enough to actually eat Durian!
randomlychad
November 24, 2011
Also, I’m getting a gas mark, some Durian, and materials to make it into a pie. When it’s done, I’m hermetically sealing it, and taking it with me to my mom’s house. Just before everyone queues up for the nosh, I’m busting that sucker out, and plan on laughing maniacally as everyone else flees. Leaving all the foo for me!
Now that’s “thanksreceiving!” 😉
ichoosehappynow
November 23, 2011
Funny post, I especially love the power tools under the couch. I love the Durian eating contest made by Randomlychad!
Cheers,
Louise
Lenore Diane
November 23, 2011
Thank you for posting this today. I have just enough time to prep our place.
(And I only took out a full page ad once – fine, twice.)
The Good Greatsby
November 23, 2011
I was impressed with you before seeing the ad but it was nice to be able to tack it onto my refrigerator to prove to my wife I had such an impressive reader.
thelifeofjamie
November 23, 2011
I don’t know if I want to be seen as masculine, but I am impressive and have a medicine cabinet that could rival many a pharmacy (well, as long as you are under 65 pounds and 12 years of age)
PCC Advantage
November 23, 2011
I am not even remotely impressive in any way, so I need these tips.
I do, however, have a New York Times Sunday crossword that I solved…in pen.
(I may have cheated a bit, but at least I cheated in pen.)
Anne Schilde
November 26, 2011
Haha, I always do these in pen. I’ve never finished one before and actually checked the answers.
madtante
November 24, 2011
Not sure what a lightbulb in a box equals (or sure you know…). Good one!
susielindau
November 24, 2011
Totinos pizza! Hahaha! I am off to make a list to tape to my refrigerator….
gerknoop
November 24, 2011
I am ALWAYS impressed when I see Totino’s Party Pizza on someones shopping list!
pegoleg
November 24, 2011
What’s really impressive is that you have a diagram of the female reproductive system on the napkin along with the math equations. So everyone will think you’re an ob/gyn in your spare time. Or a perv. Whatever works for you.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
My wife said the same thing. It’s supposed to be the flux capacitor from Back to the Future.
pegoleg
November 24, 2011
The flux capacitor from Back to the Future is supposed to be the female reproductive system.
(by the way, I’m NOT hanging out on your blog waiting to instantly reply to your every reply; I just so happened to check back in the middle of my extremely busy work day at the precise moment that you replied. Just so we’ve got that straight. Gotta go now – busy, busy with important insurance matters!)
She's a Maineiac
November 24, 2011
Oh my! hahaha!!!
Spectra
November 24, 2011
How can your guests not be impressed, when you are able to build your own sofa, dispute Einsteins obviously weak relativity hypothesis, and drink donkey milk cheese? I am right now stuffing my drill and jigsaw under the sofa with one hand while I type with the other…that’s a little bit impressive, right?
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
I can’t say it’s impressive until I see it in person since I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d taught your pet dove how to type for you.
Spectra
November 26, 2011
Uh-oh! You’ve found me out! Drats! Here she is, goin’ at it:
Jackie Cangro
November 24, 2011
You could also leave your well-worn copy of War and Peace on the coffee table. I think adding some Post-it notes to random pages makes it even more impressive.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
War and Peace is on my coffee table all year long regardless of any holiday.
cassiebehle
November 24, 2011
Love it!
Mikalee Byerman
November 24, 2011
NOW I don’t feel so guilty for posting a rant about all that I’m NOT grateful for this Thanksgiving on my blog — see, we can approach the holiday with tongue planted firmly in cheek, right?
Or…er, well, was this all serious?
😉
Fun post — congrats on the Freshly Pressed nod. Well deserved…
skippingstones
November 24, 2011
Thanks so much, GG! I have been impressive for far too long without getting the proper recognition. I’m going to put these suggestions to work for me right away.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
It’s so sad that many of us have to wait years and years to be recognized when that time of waiting could have been put to use accomplishing other impressive things.
susielindau
November 24, 2011
Congrats on being freshly pressed!
k8edid
November 24, 2011
That shopping list looks suspiciously like mine…I might have dropped it when I was scoping out your medicine cabinet.
Congrats on being freshly pressed
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Thanks for the recommendations. I never would have guessed how well a 1787 Chateau Lafitte would go with a Totino’s Party Pizza.
MJ, Nonstepmom
November 24, 2011
It’s funny – I think I’ve been to homes that have been totally “staged” to impress. We left feeling as though we needed to drive to the nearest orphanage to volunteer on our way to the Peace Corp recruiter…. now my suspicion is confirmed. Congrats!
Bridgesburning Chris King
November 24, 2011
You are the ultimate host and I am going to try these or at least some! FP again? Congrats!!
valentinedee
November 24, 2011
Your list, which by the way is not only impressive, it’s hilarious, is really not necessary. Just get a cake from the bakery and have them write in the middle of it, VIP. Your guests and family will ask what the VIP means and you can say that the baker must think of you as just that.
Val
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
That baker has excellent taste.
restlessjo
November 24, 2011
Just sad we don’t have Thanksgiving in England (or Portugal) so I can utilise this strategy. But then my friends and family know how great I am, don’t they? You wouldn’t go telling them any different?
Great fun!
morristownmemos by Ronnie Hammer
November 24, 2011
Poop, civet cats, coffee? I don’t know about those things, but did you know that Chanel #5 perfume gets it’s scent from an anus gland of the civet? Dropping obscure references make you sound like the best read person ever!
Ronnie
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
That’s just one more reason for me to stop wearing Chanel #5 perfume.
asbloed
November 24, 2011
The 1787 Chateau Lafitte. There is a six bottle minimum order!
Special offer, only for you! Only today! 7,000,000 US $
99.9% Thomas Jefferson.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Are you saying it was owned by Thomas Jefferson or contains Thomas Jefferson in the ingredients?
asbloed
November 25, 2011
You have to ask Th.J. himself.
PDX Running Chick
November 24, 2011
Love this. Brilliant.
Angie Z.
November 24, 2011
This is a fantastic post! Well worthy of being FP’d! I loved the charity and grocery lists.
Ahhhhhh….flux capacitor! I thought I’d be the smarty pants who pointed it out, but it looks as if that discussion was already hashed out above. Oh, well. Flux capacitor! I’ll shout it from the rooftops!
Congrats and be thankful for Freshly Pressed.
Romantic Asian Guy
November 24, 2011
Quite impressive! Love your tips…I’m sure they’ll come in handy 🙂
The Hook
November 24, 2011
Awesome holiday post, my friend! Fun, inventive, clever and above all, intelligent!
Oh God, My Wife Is German
November 24, 2011
Awesome holiday post! Thank you for sharing!
I will follow your blog for sure.
societyred
November 24, 2011
That’s good stuff! Thanks! And congrats!
uravnrep
November 24, 2011
Funny!
She's a Maineiac
November 24, 2011
Congrats (again) on FP, GG/OB. Love the female reproductive system diagram, top-notch. Consider me very impressed. Have a Very Totino’s Thanksgiving!
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
GG/OB is one nickname I’m hoping doesn’t stick.
Hannah
November 24, 2011
This made for a wonderful laugh. Thank you so much for posting!
KL
November 24, 2011
Makes me wish we had something like Thanksgiving in Australia! I am sure I can find other excuses to plant things around my house to make people finally see how impressive I really am though! Very funny post, congrats on FP 🙂
KL
pnwauthor
November 24, 2011
Oh, yes, I find this funny. I had a man call me self-centered today, but I would never leave power tools around the house to give a false impression at least.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Without knowing you at all, I’m willing to bet you’re not self-centered at all. Or if you are self-centered, I bet you have an excellent reason.
the island traveler
November 24, 2011
Now that is one impressive list even my in-laws would say, “Wow!” A list that not only proves useful on Thanksgiving but any other Holidays and family events. A one cool post that says, “Dress your house to impress.” Congratulations. Happy Impressive Thanksgiving.
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
November 24, 2011
This is the most racist thing I have ever read!
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
November 24, 2011
This is the most racist thing I have ever read!
Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson
November 24, 2011
Just checking to see if this worked in the blog world as well as it does in real life. Not so much.
For folks who don’t understand, scroll back a few (million) posts.
Because seriously, you can’t be more impressive. 😉
achilliad
November 24, 2011
Ha! Ha! Haaaa! Good one. Bravo. I first laughed when you wrote “will beat you up.” Next about the medicine cabinet. I prefer to leave an old coffee mug w from a radio station with many old unsealed condoms, lipsticks or other cosmetics that women left through my bachelor year, and many tubes of assorted cortisone ointments. I do the fridge list, but it is about my fiancee and traveling to her (only two items left). Brief and hysterical (unlike this reply – Sorry.) Kudos on getting Freshly Pressed.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
The medicine cabinet is such an under-utilized opportunity for messing with people.
etomczyk
November 24, 2011
What a great idea (s)! This actually made me laugh out loud, which takes a lot. As an x-actress, I’d add some fake press clippings about some bogus performance off-Broadway. When asked when I’d had the time to star in a show in NY, I’d just shrug it off as something I do from time to time–“no biggie.” Congrats on being FP’D! From one humorist to another.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Shrugging and acting casual is the perfect response when presented with questions about your impressiveness–it will only leave them wondering what other awesome secrets you’ve failed to mention.
whoismrbrown
November 24, 2011
That Back To The Future napkin is funny. Check out my poem “Old-School in my DeLorean”
Meghan Did It
November 24, 2011
Copying mannequin poses in the mall is a seemingly good way to draw attention to your impressiveness. Especially if said poses seem to defy gravity. People stop slack jawed in their tracks, clearly in awe of your creative extroversion and enviable spontaneity. My boyfriend loves to do this trick to highlight his “unique” degree of impressiveness and to possibly underscore my lack of it, as I often keep walking – pretending I’m shopping on my own, letting him bask in his own awesomeness in the middle of the department store.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
You’re a very, very lucky woman. I’m sure people probably tell you that all the time when they realize your boyfriend is the one striking mannequin poses in the department store window.
Anne Schilde
November 26, 2011
Haha, I just did this at the Nike store in Caesar’s Palace.
imlikeabirdillonlyflyaway
November 24, 2011
hahahahha this is great!!
Rose
November 24, 2011
Back to the Future reference takes this from great to Good Greatsby!
Shegz Afolayan
November 24, 2011
Excellent writing. I laughed throughout it. I’m definitively going to start doing this on Thanksreceiving from now on 🙂 Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
Binky
November 24, 2011
I find leaving half-finished rockets around the house in strategic places not only proves my impressiveness, but it also keeps critics quiet as no one wants to challenge a rocket-bearing Wombie.
Karaboo
November 24, 2011
I can’t wait to start highlighting my own awesomeness!! This was great – thanks for the tips!!
Congratulations on being FP’d!!
Karl Drobnic
November 24, 2011
Unfortunately, my family turns off their hearing aids at family gatherings, and they all have cataracts, so nobody can read anything. Any suggestions?
Kimberly Pugliano
November 24, 2011
I’ve done ALL of that and STILL nobody is impressed by me. I even have a doorbell that plays classical music and keep the fridge stocked with Grey Poupon. Still nothing. I may have to start wearing feathered heeled glass slippers around the house and carry around a martini.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Sounds like your friends should already be plenty impressed. At this point it might be easier to expend effort finding new friends rather than spending a second more trying to win a compliment from your current set.
lifeintheboomerlane
November 24, 2011
I am taking all of your suggestions really seriously, since nothing I have done so far has been working, like answering friend’s emails by saying things like, “No time to write. Having lunch with the Obamas this afternoon,” or “No time to answer. Must find outfit for the Pulitzer ceremony.” My voice mail already says, “Hi, this is Renee. My social secretary is on vacation, but leave a message and she will review it when she returns.” Meanwhile, you have more funny brain cells than a human being should have, and Freshly Pressed should make you a life member.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
You certainly deserve some recognition. Maybe you should be aiming higher than your current social set. If your friends aren’t impressed when you pretend to know the Obamas, maybe you should just try and become friends with the Obamas.
Cathy
November 24, 2011
Charity date? Hahaha!
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
It counts as charity if your heart is in the right place.
djronstar
November 24, 2011
LoL
My family is the best.
Even if I gained the “Midas Touch” and turned myself into 18 Karat gold, my Mom would still say, “what.. you are not 24 Karat … tssssssss”
Great post
-Ron
http://www.learntobeatmatch.ca
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
In your mom’s defense, if your son is going to be a block of gold for the rest of his life, you kind of want him to be the best kind of gold.
Cherszy
November 24, 2011
Your family and friends should definitely leave with ‘Paul Johnson is the most impressive man in the world’ after all these very detailed preparations. If they forget to say so as you open the door for them as they leave your house, I guess it’s not also your fault to forget their invitations for next year’s Thanksgiving. Kidding.
Funny stuff you got here! It’s my first time to come across your blog, and I don’t know why it took me such a long time to discover it. Note to self: Follow this blog, like now! Guess you’re really impressive after all.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
If they’re still not impressed after all this effort, they probably won’t be invited back next year.
StrangeLittleGirl Photography
November 24, 2011
Hilarious!! It can be hard for those of us who are the non narcissistic type to let people know of our achievements or just the fact that we are special human being.
Off to get copies of my xrays and medical history to tape to my fridge, so people finally believe that I am actually sick! LOL
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Are your friends the types who are impressed by being sick?
mediaudio
November 24, 2011
This completely surpasses anything Chuck Norris, MacGyver or even Bob Vila ever thought of during their respective heydays. Perhaps a charity event for one’s self featuring only Grey Poupon is in order!
educlaytion
November 24, 2011
I was lovin this all the way then got to the end and realized you were Pressed. Well deserved! I am going to steal every single one of these ideas now that I’m in my new apartment. I love the Back to the Future calculations since that’s the only science I really understand.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
If the calculation doesn’t contain gigawatts, I automatically tune out.
Wisdom4mygirls
November 24, 2011
I loved reading this, well done! Thank you for sharing.
SandraR
November 24, 2011
Hmmm….leaving your “doctored” daily planner open by the toilet, for guests to peruse at their….leisure. Interesting…….Now that is something I might do.
Great blog!
mediaudio
November 24, 2011
Important phone calls are key, but who they come from is THE ultimate determining factor of one’s social ranking. Are there less pictures of you with important people than the number of rooms in your house divided by 1.21 gigawatts? Do you have your opera tickets on a prominently placed table in the parlor? Invitations to prestigious events and galas hold more potential to promote your status than the average $250,000 vehicle. (You will still need the expensive automobile, obviously.) Simple details like these are overlooked by the most magnificent demigods among us. It isn’t just who sees the bling, but who you are talking to and how loud you say it when they see the bling. Mention the bling if you get a chance.
kathrinjapan
November 24, 2011
Love it. We have so much in common!
richannkur
November 24, 2011
Nice one..
Beth - The Botut Blog
November 24, 2011
Laughing the entire read! Reminds me of a Dr. I worked with who felt the need to self trigger his pager as a method of displaying to the rest of his co-workers how impressively desirable and in demand he was….either that or he just enjoyed the beeps and vibrations in his pants.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Maybe it was a little of both.
Dan
November 24, 2011
Great post, and I particularly like what you appended. Getting readers to click on every button hundreds of times is exactly what I aspire to as well 🙂
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Of course it would be nice if readers actually read some of the posts but I guess I’d settle for lots of clicks.
joehoover
November 24, 2011
You’re purple! New look and FP, this is a lot to take in of a morning.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
I’ve been meaning to change a couple things around and the additional traffic finally gave me the motivation.
Pink Foxx Files
November 24, 2011
I woke up to write my blog and stumbled upon yours. You are crazy as I am!!! LOL!! Love it!
nicolainp
November 24, 2011
Haha! This is simply brilliant! Nice tips. I will be sure to sure use some of them in the future!
twoinla
November 24, 2011
funny 🙂
nesiojamu kompiuteriu remontas
November 24, 2011
That is am awesome post! I am going to try it. My husband will be very inpressed too! Such a wonderfull idea – Thanksreceiving!
becomingcliche
November 24, 2011
Congrats on making FP! But seriously. Take the white tiger cub off your list. Those are, like, so five minutes ago.
The Good Greatsby
November 24, 2011
Are those not cool anymore? What am I supposed to get my kids for Christmas now?
kenyakilpatrick's blog
November 24, 2011
Great tip !! happy thanksgiving
Karl Drobnic
November 24, 2011
To do list:
Pick up tickets to Nobel Prize award dinner.
Send “The 5-foot shelf of literacy primers” to the Peace Corps volunteers we blog with
Get the Shelby in for a tune up
Install solar shingles on the roof
Answer Wolf Blitzer’s appeal to moderate a Presidential Candidate debate
Give the neighbor an anonymous one-month trial to Weight Watchers
Rewrite will to fund Social Security for the boomer years
Call Hillary back re her Middle East peace plan query
(Note to self: Work on Friday’s to do list).
thelifeofjamie
November 24, 2011
I didn’t realize you just got freshly pressed a third time. you suck a little bit!
Karl Drobnic
November 24, 2011
Friday to do list:
E-mail publisher that the new novel is in the mail
Apply for refund on return portion of grandma’s Titantic ticket
Show junior how to clean his Rogers Hornsby baseball card
Give the postman a Segue to use for Xmas delivery season
Channel Mother Teresa
Mend the crack in the Liberty Bell
Check NY Times best seller list re: previous novel
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Oops…junior says he traded the Rogers Hornsby for a Honus Wagner plus a bottle of the Tommy Jeff. Chateau Lafitte. That boy!
Sarah D.
November 24, 2011
Sorry this is such a brief congratulations, but Mario Batali is on one line with a cooking question and Martha Stewart has forgotten (again!) that little trick with the pillows.
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Sat. To Do List:
Finish article for Popular Mechanics: How I Untied the Gordian Knot – the Correct Way!
Start garage project – an inflatable bridge for crossing the next Rubicon
Correct the proportions of Sumatran and Yemeni in Peet’s Coffee “Arabian Mocha Blend”
asbloed
November 25, 2011
Don`t forget to pick up your Frank Muller Aeternitas Mega 4 grande Sonnerie.
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Thanks for straightening out my priorities. I was going to pencil in “Give Indiana Jones the map to where the Nazis hid The Amber Room” but sometimes you just have to take a step back.
The Good Greatsby
November 25, 2011
Your week just gets more and more impressive.
Teena Lovern
November 25, 2011
brilliant!
lynne @ gardenmad
November 25, 2011
Oh my gawd Greatsby, I take a few days off reading your blog (busy adding up all my points in my fantasy hockey pool), and look what’s happened! A new profile pic, (dashing as ever, old bean), and FP’ed. I don’t know how you do it. Congrats!
Princess Laila
November 25, 2011
I don’t drink coffee… im just a diet coke freak… 😛
but hey congrats on getting freshly pressed again! 😛
J.C.V.
November 25, 2011
Great blog! I told my son about the math on a napkin since he is a math wizard. Very cute!
Leanne Shirtliffe
November 25, 2011
Dear FP King: well done, encore! I’d give you a made-up award but I’m too lazy to, umm, make it up. Woohoo!
The Good Greatsby
November 25, 2011
I’ll have my staff make-up an appropriate award and send it to you for a signature.
espistar
November 25, 2011
Hey I love the photo of the napkin classic simplicity.. I love it.. What a great thanksgiving blog something to think about while your cooking up the turkey and getting ready to make the stuffing… 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Allison
November 25, 2011
Funny post! Thanks for sharing!
arbohl.wordpress.com
Ryan Sprout
November 25, 2011
This is too funny
rujabes
November 25, 2011
I genuinely enjoyed this! I always thought I was the only one who left equations in odd places…
fashionmudra
November 25, 2011
This is pretty funny
tootsiewoo
November 25, 2011
You should also rename all the people on your contact list various celebrities and have those friends call you periodically during dinner. When your family sees that “Oprah” is calling simply say, “Again? That biddy cannot get by without me.” And ohhhh man that was funny:)
Casey_Leigh
November 25, 2011
Bahahaha….i love this…i wish I could actually use these tips.
David
November 25, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=yViS2QEzPLY, a curb episode that reminded me of your post
Dr. Greg Meyer
November 25, 2011
OK…..this is good, real good!
lifeloveandbaby
November 25, 2011
Obviously, this need not be said but I’ll say it anyways – you are awesome. There, now I expect an invite to your next Thanksgiving.
Joe Labriola
November 25, 2011
Haha great commentary! Happy Thanksgiving all!
Fuzzy Logic
November 25, 2011
Just brilliant!
Pity we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. D:
elvishjesusfreak
November 25, 2011
This post was absolutely brilliant! Definitely made me laugh! 🙂 Thanks for a great post!
Mudmap
November 25, 2011
you’ve raised my ambitions! Previously i was just aiming for a clean and tidy house to impress people with…..and that seemed somewhat unachievable!
Rachael Black
November 25, 2011
Perfect and completely understand.
The reason I am looked upon as the Bohemian Genius Eccentric in our clan (as opposed to that whack-job nusician who didn’t go to medical school) or even law oi vey) IS my medicine cabinet, collection of books on physics and of course the Burning Man Tickets (full price) in the fridge.
Great post my friend.
Rachael Black
November 25, 2011
that should be Musician, as opposed to nusician. I also dazzle family and friends with the ability to think at lightening fast speed yet type at the level of a 10th grader.
drumsandtofu
November 25, 2011
Re: the nosy guests who would have the chutzpah to look inside your medicine cabinet, here’s the cure:
While the cabinet is closed, drop marbles in from the top. When they open it, justice will be served.
drumsandtofu
November 25, 2011
Just viewed the biography of George Steinbrenner on Yankeeography. His father impressed him, at an early age, that if more than two people know about your good deed or philanthropic efforts, then you’ve done it for the wrong reasons.
daunaeasley
November 25, 2011
Loved the charity schedule. Cracked me up. So that’s how it’s done. Fantasy charity.
The Good Greatsby
November 25, 2011
It’s the thought that counts and thinking about doing charity but not doing it is better than not thinking about it at all.
artjen1971
November 25, 2011
Hilarious! I love your sofa–you did a beautiful job! It worked–I’m impressed!
SomerEmpress
November 25, 2011
LOLOLOL!!! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I love it! Impress away!! You are indeed impressive!
sportsjim81
November 25, 2011
Again with the Freshly Pressed. This is getting ridiculous, don’t you think? If your not careful, your impressiveness is going to get you beat up again, ala elementary school. Nice job!
julieburridge
November 25, 2011
The best part is that this would probably really work. Nice post 🙂
Tar-Buns
November 25, 2011
Congrats on being FPd again! BTW, now that Thanksgiving is done here in the states, how did your plans go over with turkey guests?
athais
November 25, 2011
You left out using big words that only a lexicologist would know.
I once bought a hunk of cheese that was cured in a bat cave. What would make bat cave cured cheese any better than cheese cured in a regular cheese curing warehouse? I had tasted a sample in the store and thought is was great. I bought it for an exorbitant price. After the first day of eating it, it started to taste like any other cheese.
Great post! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Post It Note on the Mirror:
Check to see if Fed Ex delivered the (full price) Burning Man tickets that you sent to Rachel Black for her birthday.
Rachael Black
November 26, 2011
Karl, you are truly a man with vision, kindness,wealthy friends, a an enormous supply of Post It Notes. Gotta say that’s the only thing I miss about being a corporate drone… an unlimited supply closet of Post-It Notes. Oh, and health insurance.
Karl Drobnic
November 26, 2011
Append on Fed Ex Post-It Note: Fed-Ex Rachel a fifth of Health Insurance for the holidays.
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Post-It Note on Mirror:
Check with DHL: Did that “Thanksgiving-in-a-Box” we sent Fuzzy Logic get there okay?
Karl Drobnic
November 25, 2011
Post It Note on the Mirror:
Check UPS delivery schedule – What time will they get that Mark Twain Award to The Good Greatsby?
Karl Drobnic
November 26, 2011
Post It Note on the Mirror:
Check with Post Office: Is it legal to send room deodorizer for bat-cave cheese through the mail? (Let’s not get Athais’ hopes up until we know PO will accept the package.)
Boggleton Drive
November 26, 2011
The day planner picture is absolutely hilarious. Great blog! Congrats on getting Fresh Pressed!
Mic
November 26, 2011
Seriously funny!!
thesinglecell
November 26, 2011
OMG this is so embarrassing… did you look in MY medicine cabinets? Is that where you got those ideas?! My school didn’t have a newspaper. But posterboard was cheap back then and we had that sticky-tac stuff to put the signs up on the walls. Anonymously.
thoughtpantry
November 26, 2011
Hilarious. Sometimes I keep old prescription bottles which have been piling up over the years. Our medicine cabinet looks amazing…I could start up my own pharmacy.
Anne Schilde
November 26, 2011
This is all very impressive. Which of course means no one visiting my apartment would buy any of it for a second. Fun post!
darthahmed
November 26, 2011
now i dont have to worry about anyone calling me a loser
isuhani
November 26, 2011
Lol…Cool ways to handle hw others think!!!
Dounia
November 27, 2011
Fantastic post! Excellent ideas; isn’t it terrible to be so impressive and yet have to work so hard for people to realize it? Congrats on being freshly pressed – this was the best thanksgiving/receiving post I’ve read!
Redneckprincess
November 27, 2011
Congrats on being freshly pressed!!!!! And some damn straight good advice to boot 🙂
Girly
November 27, 2011
This Freshly Pressed thing is a bit much – don’t you think? It took me two days just to get through the comments – I have a life, ya know!
toosoxy
November 27, 2011
Love it!
The Understander
November 27, 2011
Haha. Great post. If I owned any tools, I’d definitely do that trick.
http://www.theunderstander.wordpress.com
MOL
November 27, 2011
Thanks for the chuckles! How old is your mom again? Is she from maybe, 2 generations back? Did she have you as she was about to enter menopause maybe and so the generation gap is wider?
sara.bergen
November 27, 2011
I’m right with you, your way may be a humorous way to say it but Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful! Thank the person who did the cooking first of course, the helpers of the fabulous meal then we shoud a be thankful for something else in our lives. If you didn’t do this yesterday it’s nothi late. We have phones everywhere now, use one make sure you thank the cook and then call someone else who you are thankful for from the filing clerk at work to your spouse.
At the dinner I went to at a friends house I was embarrassed when everyone ate without 1 waiting for the cook and 2 saying any kind of round the table thanks to someone. What a waste of a great tradition.
MaiBao
November 27, 2011
I love it! Reminds me of some relative I know.
Wacky Jokes and Pics
November 27, 2011
It is better to be just yourself. Impress yourself and others will find you impressive…
pattisj
November 27, 2011
Wow, I leave town for a minute–and look at you! I’m impressed! lol Congrats!
cityfolk2
November 27, 2011
Haha very funny post! Will take that to mind…
thevision4tommorow
November 27, 2011
awesome post,,,, like it
sunclarabest
November 27, 2011
great post
azalearossa1958
November 27, 2011
I suggest a short handnote like this: ” 4pm: quick jump to Milan for having my daily coffe in Galleria”
That’s beat!
(sorry for my English…)
aaalleon
November 27, 2011
Hahahaa, I giggled 🙂 Great tips, by the way 🙂 Hilarioussss post as it is!
topiclessbar
November 27, 2011
Very funny post. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed (again)!
stainfreemedia
November 28, 2011
It’s better to give than to receive, but to receive is better than not receiving.
http://stainfreemedia.wordpress.com
superblogger4
November 28, 2011
this is sooo funny! I was cracking up i love the math on the napkin. Great post!
http://www.eartharoundus.wordpress.com
pinay e-motion
November 28, 2011
Funny! your post reminded me of my husband’s favorite saying, “you have to beat your own drum.” Thanks for sharing!
Jacqueline
November 28, 2011
I like it! As the immortal words go, “It ain’t braggin if you done it.”
nlavia86
November 28, 2011
maybe you should now that…
kopi luwak include rare coffee beans, because the harvest is less than 200 kg per year. Believed, luwak (civet in the Java language) it can choose the best coffee beans on instinct. They chose a soft seeds and eat them, but just the outside that can be digested, while the rest is disposed of with poop.
coffee beans are always washed and sterilized before being boxed, so don’t worry about poop
but please worry about the price =)
1 kg around 50 pounsterling….
edwardgangi
November 28, 2011
Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone
Jacqueline
November 28, 2011
Absolutely hilarious! I guess it makes me a giant nerd (or just really bad with Einstein’s relativity) that I thought of the flux capacitor with your first image. Hope you had an excellent and celebratory Thanksgiving of your loved one and most importantly, yourself! 😉
newsy1
November 29, 2011
Hilarious blog for the narcissistic in us all. “Not that their is anything wrong with that.” Gotta run, my publisher wants to know how much of an advance I want for my 5 page eBook.
Г-н Емо
November 29, 2011
Really nice… Me like 😀
vegburger
November 29, 2011
Love it! Keep writing 🙂
trialsinfood
November 29, 2011
hilarious! i thought i would take some time out of my charity work to read this….
nashvilletnhomesforsale
November 29, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving! What a great way to have them notice your accomplihsments.. Just be humble and let them discover it.
Aleksandra Mitić
November 29, 2011
Yeah,charity,more charity,charity for breakfast,lunch and dinner.Charity homework.
You made my day ;D
flippingchannels
November 29, 2011
Thank you! I finally have a use for all the random napkins I’ve been accumulating.
Dana
December 3, 2011
I’m late to both the US Thanksgiving *AND* your most recent FP Party… Congratulations! Any chance you still have Thanksgiving leftovers to share?
pmahaney
May 24, 2013
Paul, I was so thankful for this blog that the buttons you told me to click, don’t work anymore! I did good, right?