I woke up this Friday the 13th haunted by the image of Harry Houdini. Before you look at the picture below, I must warn you there is a very good chance you will be entranced by Houdini’s hypnotic eyes, and it’s possible you won’t be able to look away–ever!
This drawing was created by SpilledInkGuy at refrigeratormagnate.wordpress.com. I’ve always enjoyed SpilledInkGuy’s kitschy art, but Houdini had an entirely different affect on me. When I first saw the picture I thought it was good. After staring at it for two minutes I thought it was great. But after ninety minutes, I began to worry and sent SpilledInkGuy the following message:
Is it normal for viewers to be unable to break eye contact with your picture of Houdini?
Well done if that was your intent, but I’m a bit worried. It’s been ninety minutes and he shows no signs of weakening.
After six hours, Houdini still had the upper hand–or at least I assume he did because he hadn’t blinked or wet his pants like his opponent–and I was forced to knock the monitor off my desk to break his hold.
Everything was fine after that. Well, mostly fine, except the ghost of Houdini haunted me for a month. He appeared to me every night and told me he needed my help to escape from heaven. I made a couple jokes about the great escape artist being unable to escape, but he didn’t find them funny–I guess humor is much different in heaven because this was solid gold material. He tried to show me some escapes, but he was a ghost and could walk right through walls anyway, so escaping from a laundry hamper while I sat on it was not very impressive.
Because I knew Houdini’s ghost was always waiting to bother me at home, I started taking long walks at night and spent the time plotting how I could make Houdini’s picture work for me.
This is the finished version. The drawing above was the 'in progress' version.
If I owned this Houdini picture, I would hang it in my home at the top of the stairs. I would invite my enemies over for a party, and when they rang the doorbell I would shout, “We’re all up here on the second floor. Come on up. We’re talking about the weather, and Justin Bieber, and nobody is plotting any kind of revenge.” My enemies would reach the top of the stairs, take one glance at Houdini and be locked in place by his hypnotic stare. And that’s when I would jump out of the shadows and push them down the stairs. “You just got Houdini’ed!”
I wrote out a detailed ‘To Do’ list to bring my plan to fruition:
1. Acquire this drawing from SpillednkGuy
2. Make more enemies
I’ve been pretty busy, and I haven’t been putting in the time necessary to make quality enemies. I checked my revenge calendar, and I don’t think I have time for any new enemies or vendettas until late summer or the fall. You never think you have time for revenge, but something about fall and Halloween make me nostalgic for past revenges. All of a sudden I’m in the mood for revenge, but it’s always too late to put something together. You have to be thinking of revenge in early summer to make it happen by Halloween.
Here are some enemies I’m considering:
1. A stand up comic. I’ll stand in the back whenever he comes on stage, hold up my Houdini, and give him stage fright. You just got Houdini’ed!
2. The Kindle. I need the Kindle to dislike me as much as I dislike the Kindle in order for us to be true enemies. I’m working on a virus that will force the Kindle to search the Internet and form vendettas against bloggers who’ve been saying bad things about it. When I say I’m working on a virus, I really mean I made a note on a slip of paper to find one of those For Dummies books on creating viruses. I sure hope a virus can be created with Word or Excel because those are the programs I know.
3. Does anybody know Vin Diesel? If so, could you tell him I’ve been talking trash about him? Please specify I’m only looking for a vendetta where we talk trash about each other, not where we punch each other. Prepare to be Houdini’ed, Vin!
4. The song Chopsticks on the piano. Not sure how to get Chopsticks to dislike me back, but I’m still thinking.
5. Any suggestions for other enemies I should be considering?
The Good Greatsby 
Meet the Buttrams
May 13, 2011
Road Cyclists. If the roads were meant to be shared with cyclists, they would be wider. Cars have their own lane, cyclists don’t. Unless you live somewhere trendy, which I don’t because my town hate trends almost as much as we hate clean air.
The Good Greatsby
May 13, 2011
Okay. I’ll consider being down on cyclists unless it turns out other readers are cyclists.
Lenore Diane
May 13, 2011
Todd. Please consider being Todd’s enemy. I asked Houdini what he thought about Todd, and he said he approved – he was enemy worthy. Um. Did Houdini talk to you while you stared in his eyes?
Wait. What was that Houdini? Oh. Sorry, GG. No one is talking to me. I was mistaken. Please disregard my previous statement. Except for Todd. Consider Todd.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Is Houdini talking to you, too? I’m kind of hurt that he’s haunting people besides me.
Bearman
May 13, 2011
When Houdini did his escapes he would kiss his wife right before who would pass a key over via mouth to mouth. Maybe his ghost wnnts some mouth to mouth with you.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Maybe you’re right. Houdini certainly is a close talker.
frigginloon
May 14, 2011
Damn you Bearman …so hat’s how he did it! That lying , cheating bastard!
duncanr
May 14, 2011
Tsk, tsk, loon – have you never watched the Sean Connery/Donald Sutherland movie ‘The First Great Train Robbery’ ? 🙄
Brown Road Chronicles
May 13, 2011
Dude you’re a friggin’ genius! You’re mother didn’t know what she was talking about. Always great posts! Happy Friday the 13th!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Are you referring to something I told you my mom said about me? Or is there something else she told you about me, but that I haven’t heard yet? I’ve always got to stay one step ahead of her.
Brown Road Chronicles
May 14, 2011
Umm.. she said if I told you she’d have to kill me.
carldagostino
May 13, 2011
Mr. H has Houdini’ed you. He has been successful in projecting his power beyond the grave to the point you believe the power exists and you are now trapped in his spider’s web. He has put the “roppa dope” on you.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
He even got me to write about him and share his hypnotic image with others.
savesprinkles1234
May 13, 2011
I would have commented earlier, but I couldn’t break eye contact. I’m in hope that once his ghost begins to haunt me that he will be able to capture the ghost of the Confederate soldier that’s been after me for years. Thank you for this post. You may have saved my life.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
A Confederate soldier ghost seems scarier than Houdini. Maybe I’ll ask Houdini to talk to him for you.
pegoleg
May 13, 2011
Just an innocent piece of kitchy art? I think not. While you were staring at Houdini, Paul, SpilledInkGuy came in, ransacked your house and pantsed you. Didn’t you feel the breeze?
You’ve been SpilledInkGuy-ed!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I should never have trusted SpilledInkGuy. I should have known he was untrustworthy the minute he told me he was a Vin Diesel fan.
Tori Nelson
May 13, 2011
Ok. I was squinting and thinking real hard about a witty response, and now I’ve been slapped stupid and laughing by pegoleg’s comment. She wins. Is this a competition? I don’t care. She still wins.
Lenore Diane
May 14, 2011
I second Tori’s claim. Pegoleg wins.
pegoleg
May 15, 2011
I win? Hey, great! Do I get a crown? Because I’d really, really like a crown.
youngamericanwisdom.com
May 13, 2011
Consider its effect on unruly children. This Houdini may be used as a new form of discipline.
blackholeundermycouch
May 13, 2011
Oh, I’m so right there with you!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I’m going to make my kids look at Houdini as a form of discipline. If their behavior doesn’t improve, but they become great escape artists, I’ll still consider it a success.
Sandi Ormsby
May 15, 2011
That’s going to be their time out? Sit in the corner there and don’t move- Houdini has his eyes on you.
Be prepared to pay a lot on their psychologist fees.
“I feel like someone is always staring at me!”
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
modestypress
May 13, 2011
In the country of the blind…
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Are you suggesting I shouldn’t make any blind enemies?
spilledinkguy
May 14, 2011
Holy Pete! This is awesome! Thanks so much for including me in your Vintastic blog, G.G.! This totally made my day! Or week… or month…
🙂
spilledinkguy
May 14, 2011
I should have sent you a high res. version of his eyes…
I’m such a jerk.
I hope I don’t get Houdini’ed!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I’m assuming the Houdini eyes have no effect on you, so I won’t consider you for any kind of revenge list.
:Punchie
May 14, 2011
God, this is gorgeous. He really did capture those eyes.
The only time I can look this intense (since I’m unfortunately not Hungarian) is when I’m trying to figure out one of those damn “Magic Eye” optical posters.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I bet Houdini was incredible at those “Magic Eye” posters.
Spectra
May 14, 2011
I’m in love.
Spectra
May 14, 2011
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I’ll give ghost Houdini your email address.
Amy
May 14, 2011
I would say that you should Houdini Bin Laden, but it’s a little too late for that. How about David Copperfield? That would be kinda ironic.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Using Houdini to help me get revenge on David Copperfield would certainly make a great story.
omawarisan
May 14, 2011
How about Newt Gingrich?
Also, I applaud your use of the pciture to help you push your enemies down the stairs. There is not enough pushing down in adult life.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Nobody gets pushed down stairs anymore. This used to be a central plot point of old movies, but you never see it today. Are stairs less dangerous nowadays?
writerwoman61
May 14, 2011
Crap…I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight now…those friggin’ eyes!!!
Wendy
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Don’t be surprised if Houdini taps you on the shoulder during the night. He’s a very polite guest, but he cheats at Monopoly.
:Punchie
May 14, 2011
“He’s a very polite guest, but he cheats at Monopoly.”
——————————————————————–
He keeps escaping from the jail?
Kim
May 14, 2011
Vicki from Small Wonder
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
It’s about time somebody taught robot children a lesson.
Bella
May 14, 2011
I’m thinking Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. And throw in the Kardashians!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I’ll get Houdini to appear to the Kardashians. When he finds out they’re famous for no reason after he worked so hard to build his own showbiz career, he’ll be furious.
Spectra
May 14, 2011
Yes on the Charlie Sheen – well overdue, and would be to his benefit – and add a Bill Maher.
frigginloon
May 14, 2011
Can you Houdini Glenn Beck, oh and Sean Hannity…thanks!
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I think somebody already Houdini’ed Glenn Beck.
azzahawk
May 14, 2011
Houdini was my grandfather
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
He had a message he wanted me to give you, but I forgot to write it down. Something about grave danger, but I forget the specifics.
monicastangledweb
May 14, 2011
May I suggest clowns? I hate clowns and they’re my number one worst enemy, but unfortunately they don’t hate me back. At least they’re not blogging about it, which is the only way I would possibly know. So if you get them to hate you, tell me the trick.
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
I think clowns must know people hate them, but they don’t care. I assume I’d have more luck pretending to like them and the clowns would start to become suspicious of my motives.
nursemyra
May 14, 2011
How about thimbles? no one ever has a vendetta with thimbles. you could be the first
The Good Greatsby
May 14, 2011
Interesting idea. I’ll try and generate some anger against thimbles for being so tiny.
flippingchannels
May 15, 2011
Barbara Walters. No one would see it coming. Especially not her.
The Good Greatsby
May 15, 2011
She does seem like she should be knocked off her pedestal.
Mary
May 15, 2011
Yikes! Quite the piercing stare. I found out about you from Inky. I need to read more closely…I thought Inky was saying to visit Mr. Houdini’s blog…lol 😀
The Good Greatsby
May 15, 2011
I wouldn’t be surprised if Houdini somehow manages to start his own blog.
Binky
May 15, 2011
I think your actual vendetta should be directed towards escape artists, since you obviously have a deep-seated resentment of them since you desperately want to escape but are bogged down by your blog. Blog bog is a new and growing psychosis, and should not be left untreated.
The Good Greatsby
May 15, 2011
You’re so insightful, Binky. I never considered I might be feeling bogged down by my blog. It’s true my ankle is chained to my computer, but I never blamed this on the blog before.
ajg
May 15, 2011
You could probably make VD aware of you through some Twitter smacktalk. Should I get started on this?
judithhb
May 16, 2011
Can’t compete or even join the witty comments. Another ‘thought provoking’ post.
the master
May 18, 2011
Pfft. Houdini’s “powers” have no effect on me. I faced down the Hypnotoad, this guy’s a rank amateur compared to h-
ALL GLORY TO HARRY HOUDINI
REscarcega
May 21, 2011
How about Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials? I’ve had about an A** full of her shenanigans. Lead her up the stairs and POW!… right in the deductible!
Just make sure your Progressive homeowners insurance is up to date. You’re welcome.