Once again I bring you the news headlines I would have preferred to see attached to the following pictures:
1. Russian President Medvedev Demands UN Halt Libya Military Action; Recommends Shift in Strategy to Sultry-Look-Diplomacy
2. Political Retirement Rumors Gain Steam as Medvedev Submits Headshot to Russian Version of The Mentalist
3. Controversy Erupts as Russian Duma Debates Stripping President of Constitutional Gazing Powers
4. Medvedev Craigslist Ad Surfaces; Accused of Two-timing Russia by Seeking No-Strings-Attached Ruling of Other Countries
5. Medvedev’s Mr. March Pose in ‘Boys of Kremlin’ Calendar Causes Teen Girl Test Scores to Plummet
1. Hand of God Crushes Steve Jobs in Fury As He Returns iPad 1 Purchased Only Days Before Announcement of iPad 2
2. Apple Bucks Industry Trend of Going Smaller by Debuting New Eighteen Foot iPad 3
3. Investors Question Jobs’ Mental Health as He Announces Expedition to Land of Giants in Search of Bigger Customers
4. New Pocket-Sized Steve Jobs Sold with Every iPad 2; Even Tinier Steve Jobs Expected to Debut in December 2011 Together with iPad 14
5. Jobs Demonstrates New iPad Shrinking App; Still Expects Tiny Customers to Pay Full-size Prices
The Good Greatsby 
lifeintheboomerlane
March 28, 2011
Freaking hilarious.
duncanr
March 28, 2011
‘hand of god’ – brilliant !!! 😆
Calhoun
March 28, 2011
Yet another awesome post!
I too would have appreciated a Russian version of The Mentalist, but I guess I’ll just hafta keep dreaming
spilledinkguy
March 29, 2011
I bet Medvedev’s not even ‘an ambi-turner’…
🙂
The Hack Novelist
March 29, 2011
Oh Mr. Jobs, you never fail to give me a reason to max out my credit card. In fact, put me down for whatever you’re planning to stand in front of on stage next month. Although I have no idea what it is, I’m sure I need it.
lynnbiederstadt
March 29, 2011
You’re killing me. With laughter. Could you please send me some of your funny? I could use it. I have to resort to emoticons…and that is simply wrong. |-| (see?)
shreejacob
March 29, 2011
I liked the Hand of God one! 🙂
The Hipster
March 29, 2011
I couldn’t imagine anyone topping Grover Cleveland when it came to the Sultry-Look Diplomacy, but Medvedev shows promise.
The Good Greatsby
March 29, 2011
I’m impressed by your grasp of Grover Cleveland history. Most scholars today have forgotten his return to the White House was largely credited to his development of a sultrier look.
frigginloon
March 29, 2011
President Medvedev shouldn’t play with Super Glue 😦
nursemyra
March 30, 2011
Sultry always works well for me
The Good Greatsby
March 30, 2011
I’m with Medvedev on the sultry looks. Lets get him and Gaddafi in the same room and see if Medvedev can sultry-look him into submission.
de.construct.ion
March 30, 2011
2. Apple Bucks Industry Trend of Going Smaller by Debuting New Eighteen Foot iPad 3
This one got me. My face still hurts from laughing so hard.
the master
April 1, 2011
Actually, 18 feet may be an overestimation. Assuming the info I found on Google regarding Job’s height is correct, I estimate it to be 12 feet 4 inches. Still impressive, but could always be bigger.
And yes I really did work that out. I always keep a ruler handy for situations like this.
The Good Greatsby
April 1, 2011
I’m not sure how you could get accurate information on Jobs’ height since he’s been known to use Apple height-altering apps and his size is constantly changing.
the master
April 1, 2011
As it happens I just got the new Omniscience App, through which I learned that both Job’s listed natural height and my estimate were correct. I’ve also learned the secret of life. Apparently it’s to live long, multiply and stick it to God’s older brother and his lame lifeless parallel universe.