All the cool kids are following me on Twitter. Disclaimer: Also, some uncool kids.

• World is supposed to end on the 21st but we're leaving for vacation on the 18th. Not sure whether to bother getting someone to feed the cat. 5 months ago
• My 8yo son: I have so many black friends I can't even count them...Kyle...um...I guess there aren't that many black kids at my school. 5 months ago
• Channing Tatum named People magazine's sexiest man alive. "Not for long," threatens second sexiest man alive. 6 months ago
• When I look back on being a kid, if there’s one thing I remember, it’s being much younger. 6 months ago
• Check out a special Halloween post; be sure and listen to the accompanying audio recording performed by yours truly: wp.me/p1ngBd-1HY 6 months ago
• Not only will I kick a man when he’s down, but I’ll kick him when he’s up, eating, sleeping, and especially when begging not to be kicked. 6 months ago
• On this very date in 1947, my grandfather asked what date it was. 7 months ago
• If you give me an inch, I’ll take 1.6 kilometers, cuz I got mad metric skillz! 7 months ago
• #bettertogivethanreceive Apples on Halloween 7 months ago
• #bettertogivethanreceive A box of Kleenex after a positive pregnancy test 7 months ago