Browsing All posts tagged under »election«

The Presidential Debate on Mute

October 17, 2012

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I didn’t watch last night’s presidential debate, or the previous presidential debate, but I did make the minimal effort to stay informed by reviewing pictures from the debates. The pictures allow me to imagine my own version of how I wish the debates had gone, and you’d be surprised how much more positive you feel […]

Prelude to Five People Asking for Hand Sanitizer

October 5, 2012

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Are you new? Something about you seems different than the people who normally work here. I can honestly say, of all the presidential candidates I’ve ever met, you’re the first. Please tell me I’m not the only one who can see this guy. Is it just me or did a rich, white guy just appear? […]

Presidential Campaigns: ‘Lower Your Expectations’ Voters: ‘Our Expectations Were Already Pretty Low’

October 3, 2012

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The first presidential debate is scheduled for tonight and Americans everywhere are anxiously looking forward to not watching. After they finish not watching the debates, they’ll appease their civic guilt by checking the news for coverage of the debates so media pundits can tell them who won, similar to checking a sports score. Crowning the […]

Four More Years! Four More Years!

September 6, 2012

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Tonight President Obama will give his keynote address at the Democratic National Convention and you could play a drinking game based on the number of times the crowd will break into the chant “Four-More-Years! Four-More-Years!” We Americans love a good chant because you get the emotional high of being part of a team, but without […]

Greatsby’s Presidential Endorsement Challenge

August 15, 2012

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The American presidential race is in full swing and I know both campaigns are looking to The Good Greatsby to offer an endorsement and possibly change the momentum of the race. Because both campaigns are laboring to avoid talk of any actual issues so they can avoid being labelled as ‘standing for something’, I’m having […]

Mitt Romney Never Lies Down on the Jobs

July 20, 2012

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Mitt Romney would like you to believe he’s the presidential candidate most qualified to create jobs. But in an exclusive interview, sources inside the Romney camp have revealed a dark side to Romney’s jobs plan: Yes, he has a plan to add hundreds of thousands of jobs. But, he plans to fill every one of […]

Hey, Mitt, Make Me Your VP

May 9, 2012

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Dear Mitt Romney, I hear you might be looking for a vice president. Allow me to suggest the following potential candidates: 1. Steve Jobs’ ghost–I know some intolerant Americans may complain about a ghost occupying such a high office, especially because ghosts don’t pay taxes, but Jobs might be the one ghost everyone could get behind […]

Trump Endorses Romney, May Sway Multimillionaire Blowhard Voting Bloc

February 7, 2012

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Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney for President really shouldn’t be much of a surprise considering the startling similarities between the two men. Excerpts from Trump’s endorsement: “I actually offered my endorsement to all the candidates but Romney was the only one who would agree to accept the endorsement while standing behind a lectern with […]

America Moons Over 51st State

February 1, 2012

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Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has proposed establishing a space colony on the moon by 2020, and has even gone so far as to suggest the Moon could become America’s 51st state. His chief opponent Mitt Romney dismissed the idea as a transparent ploy to capitalize on the Moon’s lower gravity in hopes of artificially […]

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