Dear Good Greatsby

Do you have an ugly child who refuses to obey your commands to be less ugly?

Do you have co-workers who don’t seem sufficiently enthused when you show pictures of your cats, and you wonder if you should try and get them fired?

Do you have cats who don’t act sympathetic enough when you explain how much you hate your co-workers?

Do you have a rabbit who refuses to participate in your magic act because he has ethical conflicts about deceiving children?

Are you trying to date a girl who is too shallow to look past your unattractiveness, lack of job, terrible personality, body odor, and unresolved criminal charges?

Entrust your troubles to Paul and his smoking jacket.

Did you host a dinner party and a guest ruined the festive atmosphere by revealing she has six months to live and you wonder how to ask her to reimburse you for the cost of the party?

Do you need advice?

The Good Greatsby is on the case.  Turn your problems over to a man of culture who has won three spelling bees, wears a smoking jacket, and makes a cracking Parmesan souffle.

And every week I’ll be answering your questions with the help of a guest panelist, which may include:

My personal assistant, Ken:

July 20, 2011: Dear Good Greatsby

August 3, 2011: Should I Pretend Not to Be Better Than Everyone Else?

My mom:

July 27, 2011: Help! My Granddaughter’s Blog Might Get Me Murdered!

August 10, 2011: How Can I Convince My Sister-in-law to Leave the Country?

My best friend, Todd:

August 24, 2011: How Do I Convince My Sister to Do Me More Favors?

My time-wasting robot, Philo T-2000:

August 17, 2011: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are?

And don’t just take my word for it; read these testimonials from some of the many people I’ve helped:

MY WIFE: “I wish you would spend more time with the kids.”

MY MOM: “Where’s that $50 you owe me?”

MY BEST FRIEND, TODD: “Please stop emailing me.”

MY PERSONAL ASSISTANT, KEN: “I’m going to a job interview during lunch.  If I don’t come back, that means I got the other job.”

Check back every Wednesday for a new Dear Good Greatsby.

Do you have a question for The Good Greatsby?

25 Responses “Dear Good Greatsby” →
  1. This page needs more love. It … is … awesome!

    Reply
  2. Hmm. My comment disappeared into the Question Bin. I was trying to honor your request to jazz up this page with comments. But after all of that typing, my ‘Jazz Hands’ are pooped.

    Reply
  3. “Do you have a rabbit who refuses to participate in your magic act because he has ethical conflicts about deceiving children?”

    OMG!! How did you know? Advice?

    Reply
  4. Oops…I meant Good Fellas. But Casino was good, too–but you’re mom a bit role.

    Reply
  5. I am writing an explanation of my previous comment, since the first one didn’t post. I wondered if you and Martin Scorsese were brothers, because I saw your mom in Casino and Good Fellas.

    Reply
  6. So you know I think you’re kind of awesome so I nominated you for an award …

    http://grandmadrivesmecrazy.com/2013/06/18/and-we-all-shine-on/

    Reply
  7. Hello! I love reading your blog, and have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. Congratulations!
    Please check out this post for details: http://anawnimiss.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/of-recognition/

    Reply
18 Trackbacks For This Post
  1. Dear Good Greatsby « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest July 24 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  2. Dear Good Greatsby: Should I Pretend Not to be Better Than Everyone Else? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest August 7 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  3. Dear Good Greatsby: How Can I Convince My Sister-in-law to Leave the Country? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest August 14 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  4. Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest August 21 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  5. Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Convince Someone to Give Me a House? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest September 4 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  6. Dear Good Greatsby: Are You Secretly in Love with Me? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest September 11 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  7. Dear Good Greatsby: How Can I Tell If My Neighbor is Dead? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest Sep. 18 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  8. Dear Good Greatsby: How Do I Get My Husband to Realize I’m Perfect? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Sep. 25 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  9. Dear Good Greatsby: Help! I Was Born With a Siamese Nostril! « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest October 2 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  10. Dear Good Greatsby: Does My Pet Dove Poop on My Computer Because She Hates My Writing? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest October 9 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  11. Dear Good Greatsby: Smell Ya Later. Or Not, Because I Have No Sense of Smell. « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest October 16 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  12. Saturday Surprise « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyCaption Contest October 16 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  13. Dear Good Greatsby Reveals His Fake-itude « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Nov 6 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  14. Dear Good Greatsby: What’s on Your Bucket List? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Nov 20 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  15. Reasons I Was Late to the Party « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Dec 4 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  16. Dear Good Greatsby: Greatsby’s Homemade Gift Ideas « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Dec 4 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  17. Dear Good Greatsby: Do You Ever Worry About Losing Your Awesome Looks? « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyVote Caption Contest Dec 18 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

  18. Dear Good Greatsby: Babysitter or Baby Sicker « The Good Greatsby

    [...] About PaulDear Good GreatsbyMy Trophy RoomCaption Contest August 13 RSS  Subscribe:  RSS feed The Good Greatsby With your host Paul Johnson, a man whose mother raved about his comedic writing talents, describing his work as, 'I don't get it,' and 'Is the page with the funny part missing?' [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 11,872 other followers

%d bloggers like this: