Do you have an ugly child who refuses to obey your commands to be less ugly?
Do you have co-workers who don’t seem sufficiently enthused when you show pictures of your cats, and you wonder if you should try and get them fired?
Do you have cats who don’t act sympathetic enough when you explain how much you hate your co-workers?
Do you have a rabbit who refuses to participate in your magic act because he has ethical conflicts about deceiving children?
Are you trying to date a girl who is too shallow to look past your unattractiveness, lack of job, terrible personality, body odor, and unresolved criminal charges?
Entrust your troubles to Paul and his smoking jacket.
Did you host a dinner party and a guest ruined the festive atmosphere by revealing she has six months to live and you wonder how to ask her to reimburse you for the cost of the party?
Do you need advice?
The Good Greatsby is on the case. Turn your problems over to a man of culture who has won three spelling bees, wears a smoking jacket, and makes a cracking Parmesan souffle.
And every week I’ll be answering your questions with the help of a guest panelist, which may include:
My personal assistant, Ken:
July 20, 2011: Dear Good Greatsby
August 3, 2011: Should I Pretend Not to Be Better Than Everyone Else?
July 27, 2011: Help! My Granddaughter’s Blog Might Get Me Murdered!
August 10, 2011: How Can I Convince My Sister-in-law to Leave the Country?
August 24, 2011: How Do I Convince My Sister to Do Me More Favors?
My time-wasting robot, Philo T-2000:
August 17, 2011: How Do I Convince My Children I’m Smarter Than They Are?
And don’t just take my word for it; read these testimonials from some of the many people I’ve helped:
MY WIFE: “I wish you would spend more time with the kids.”
MY MOM: “Where’s that $50 you owe me?”
MY BEST FRIEND, TODD: “Please stop emailing me.”
MY PERSONAL ASSISTANT, KEN: “I’m going to a job interview during lunch. If I don’t come back, that means I got the other job.”
Check back every Wednesday for a new Dear Good Greatsby.
Do you have a question for The Good Greatsby?
shoutabyss
July 23, 2011
This page needs more love. It … is … awesome!
Spectra
September 14, 2011
Hmm. My comment disappeared into the Question Bin. I was trying to honor your request to jazz up this page with comments. But after all of that typing, my ‘Jazz Hands’ are pooped.
stuffialmostbought
September 15, 2011
“Do you have a rabbit who refuses to participate in your magic act because he has ethical conflicts about deceiving children?”
OMG!! How did you know? Advice?
artjen1971
January 19, 2012
Oops…I meant Good Fellas. But Casino was good, too–but you’re mom a bit role.
artjen1971
January 19, 2012
I am writing an explanation of my previous comment, since the first one didn’t post. I wondered if you and Martin Scorsese were brothers, because I saw your mom in Casino and Good Fellas.