Browsing All Posts filed under »Family«

When I Was a Kid Things Were Tough

November 1, 2013

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When I was a kid things were tough–so much tougher than the kids today have it. The toughest part for my generation was that it was so hard to find anybody to complain to about how tough things were. The kids today can whine once on Facebook and immediately reach hundreds of people. But when […]

The Fonz Rebrands His Brother

October 11, 2013

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My twelve-year-old son Optimist Prime has always prided himself on never following the crowd and never doing something just because the popular kids say it’s cool. It has me kind of worried. The doctors tell us he should have outgrown his idealism by now. His mother and I are having a hard time making him […]

A Responsible Life is a Life Half Lived

August 22, 2013

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When you’re just a kid you look at all the life ahead of you as a series of milestones: I can’t wait to be a teenager. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license. I can’t wait to get a fake driver’s license. I can’t wait to have sex for the first time. I can’t […]

Dear Parents of Our Son’s Best Friend: Did You Hear Your Son Called Us the Coolest Parents?

May 2, 2013

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Dear Parents of My Son’s Best Friend, As you may have heard, your son was visiting our home last week when he told our son, “You have the coolest parents.” If you hadn’t heard this news yet, maybe you should check your texts more often because I’ve sent you like twenty. This must be a […]

The Fonz Celebrates His Birthday by Pausing for Breath

April 29, 2013

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My youngest son The Fonz recently celebrated his ninth birthday. The last year witnessed him achieving numerous milestones such as working up the nerve to ask his crush’s name then forgetting it immediately; going an entire week without putting any of his clothes on backwards; and for the first time pausing for breath and giving […]

‘Are You Going Out Tonight?’ My Kids Ask Hopefully

March 26, 2013

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I often wear earplugs when writing in my office, and when I come out I’ve learned I can leave the earplugs in and still understand what the children are saying, because they’re invariably asking one of two questions: ‘Are you going out tonight?’ and ‘What time will you be home?’ I was a kid once, […]

Dream a Little Dream for Me…Or Else

March 1, 2013

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My 11-year-old recently asked me, “When I was little did you have any dreams for what you wanted me to be when I grew up?” I thought about his question for a moment before answering, “I always dreamed you’d grow up to be the president’s son.” There are still so many things I want to […]

It Takes Two to Tangle

February 13, 2013

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When people ask me what’s the best part of being a parent, I answer, ‘Mind your own business.’ I prefer to avoid parenting conversations because I don’t want to admit the thing I like best about my two children is all the excuses they provide. ‘I wish we could help you move, but we don’t […]

Thank You for Inviting Us to Dinner: Please Be Aware of the Following Dietary Restrictions

January 30, 2013

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Thank you again for your gracious dinner invitation. My family and I look forward to attending tomorrow. As I mentioned on the phone my family has a few small dietary restrictions you should be aware of when preparing your menu. We’re vegetarians. Mostly. We’ll only eat meat under extraordinary circumstances. Like revenge. All dairy is […]

Vacationing with the Greatsbys

December 26, 2012

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The Greatsbys spent Christmas in Phuket, Thailand. After dinner with friends, Mrs. Greatsby and the children retired and I spent a lovely Christmas Eve evening on our hotel balcony overlooking the dark ocean while enjoying the distant strains of house bands entertaining Christmas Eve galas all over the island. A little known fact about Asia: […]

An Interview with Optimist Prime–Part 3

December 4, 2012

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My 11-year-old son Optimist Prime has enjoyed a recent run of success as both the QB of his football team and the star of a theatrical production of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. We’re anxious to have him around more as these two commitments often totaled seven to eight practices/rehearsals a week, and […]

Greetings from a Mediocre Uncle

November 30, 2012

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One of the benefits of living here in China so far away from my extended family in the United States is that I have an excuse for being a terrible uncle. Although I suspect my family is beginning to realize even if I lived next door to my nieces and nephews I’d still be a […]

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