About Paul

When Paul Johnson was a kid he swore he would never sell out…but nobody ever asked him to.  Not even once.

Now he would give anything to have that chance–the chance to sell out.

Today he writes for the simple joy of creating something that will make people think…and hopefully those people will think about how much they like him and want to give him money.

And once those people have given him money he’ll use it to buy nice things that will impress his friends.

And if those friends aren’t impressed by his new wealth and fame, he hopes his elevated status will win him new friends who are smarter and more attractive than his old friends.

Do you feel your friends don’t appreciate your talents or compliment you enough? Are you smarter and more attractive than your friends, but they won’t admit it? Or maybe they admit it, but not often enough? Paul understands your frustration. Contact Paul today and tell him why you two should be friends! paul@thegoodgreatsby.com

Paul lives in Shanghai with Mrs. Greatsby and their two sons, Optimist Prime and The Fonz.

The Fonz:
Happy Birthday to Apollo Fonzarelli!
An Interview with Apollo Fonzarelli

Optimist Prime:
The Most Positive Child in the World
An Interview with Optimist Prime

Mrs. Greatsby:
Unromantic Gestures

Paul’s best friend, Todd:
Practical Jokes that Go too Far
Practical Jokes that Go too Far–Part 2
Practical Jokes that Go too Far–Part 3

Paul’s personal assistant, Ken:
Dear Good Greatsby

Paul’s genius cat, Megatron:
My Genius Cat, Megatron

132 Responses “About Paul” →

  1. Susan Nobel

    March 9, 2011

    First, Paul is my favorite nephew (sort of as I have several) and I am his favorite Aunt. No question there. You have to like Paul because he is very elusive and never intrusive into your quiet world. He is very smart, but doesn’t brag – at least to me. He is very very funny and loves to banter. He sees the world differently but that doesn’t make him wrong, it makes you think. Paul is excellent not to send those chain e-mails or stupid things. Oh yeah, he never e-mails, calls or visits or even send pictures that you are obligated to ooh and ahhh over. There you go. You kind of know he is there but he really isn’t.

    • Oh, if u r truly paul’s aunt, then i can see the relationship! does this crazy humor run in the family? are u related to the marxes, all 3 brothers? and don’t go telling me about karl marx, u know which marxes i mean!!!

  2. Excuse me… is it alternative reality or something? Seems like we think on quite similar lines.

    Well, I seriously shouldn’t be telling you why we 2 should be friends. We’ve already been to each others’ blogs.

  3. A most excellent blog, sir!

    Although I must confess to being slightly unnerved by the staring image of Elvis Costello that is your avatar.

    • All my research told me readers would be faster to laugh if they imagined the punchline coming from Elvis Costello or at least a handsomer Costello lookalike. I was trying to capitalize on recent rumors of Elvis Costello being the secret ‘fifth and funny Beatle.’

      • I love Elvis Costello! You do quite look like his younger self.

      • Hippie Cahier

        March 16, 2011

        I love that rumor and I am off to start spreading it my own self….

    • Yes! I agree!

  4. I’m enjoying my visit to your v nice blog. Thanks for popping by my wee naff blog. I hope you’ll come back and weren’t completely put off by my bleak attempts to write coherent sentences.

  5. How do I send you money? I have a dollar bill in my wallet right now. I am considering writing on it in indelible ink, “Give this $1 to Paul, or pass it on to a person who will pass it on to a person who will pass it on to” … until it eventually reaches you.

    Then I guess you will have to hold it and treasure it and never let it go.

    I suspect there is some flaw in this idea. Please don’t explain.

  6. Um… I’d love to detail the numerous reasons why we should totally be best friends, but I have a strict rule that I hafta be the most attractive of my friends.
    Now if you get into a horribly disfiguring accident, THEN we can talk.
    I mean, that seems fair, right?

  7. I like your writing and your thinking, sir. I’m not quite ready to take part in your caption competitions, but I will enjoy the rest of your site in the meantime. Oh, and thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Much appreciated.

  8. Enjoying what I”ve read so far on your blog. Even subscribed. The Elvis thing IS a good look for you. After all Elvis IS king.
    Thanks for stopping by YoYo-Dyne today. A pleasure to read your amusing comment.

  9. Hello Paul, you have a fun blog! And you have made me think about compliments too…

  10. I feel as though I may have met my soul mate. Obviously, my husband is my real soul mate, but I believe you can have more than one. You see, I, too, struggle with being extremely good looking, creative, and just more wonderful than most people I know. People just don’t understand the stress and pressure that is put on our fabulous shoulders. It’s good to know that there are others out there that suffer the injustice of being totally awesome, and not being acknowledged enough for it.


  11. Excuse me…I am THE “totally awesome one.” Why else would I have a blog called “Ahhsome” or “that’s ahhsome.” Seriously. If You can refer to me as “Her Majesty Awesome,” then we can talk and be pals. Just so we understand who’s royalty here.


  12. P.S. So the title of your blog all I can think about is The Great Gatsby. Was that intentional?

  13. I must say this is the best “about” page I’ve ever read, and the comment by Aunt Susan cinches it!

  14. You. are. funny.

    You just gained yourself a new follower.

    And you’re about to get search bombed. Duck for cover.


  15. No one ever asked you to sell out as a kid? It’s sad to imagine a world without scout leaders or Catholic priests. Or high-strung, red-faced, nervous uncles who like going out for ice cream far too much. People are far too judgmental these days. You make ten or eleven little mistakes and right away wagging tongues see a pattern. The ankle bracelet GPS could simply indicate adult onset Alzheimer’s. Asparagus beds need to be very high, and mounded and are often best-tilled by moonlight. There’s nothing odd, really, about that. Again, people should mind their own business. Also, perhaps, you should include a shopping list in your pocket. Include: “Chloroform, cording, quicklime, coyote urine”, cross them all out, then scrawl “replenish” at the end of the list. (Really liked your posts. Funny stuff).

  16. I really don’t need any more friends and I have a resident squirrel named Paul, but if you drive a 1966 Alfa GTV then I might consider it. I will gladly pay you Tuesday. Oh and I’m going to the eye doctor today hoping I will need a prescription for E. Costello glasses.

    • I don’t feel I need more friends either, but I need higher quality friends.

      • Ay, theres the rub. I’ve been weeding my friends as of late; it has to be done. I’m hoping with my new glasses (yes, I got’em) I will build a quality friend attractor. Keep writing, you are very talented.

  17. Fantastic! Love your writing style and sense of humor, I will be back for more!

  18. PAULs are awesome. Let no one ever tell you differently!

  19. So glad you were freshly pressed today, you’ve definitely just gained another follower. This is a brilliant About page :)

  20. Here’s the thing…I don’t have any money to send you. In fact, I was going to ask you to send me some until I read this page. Dammit, what a waste of 2 1/2 minutes. Well, I’m here now so I guess I’ll stay for a bit. I like to think of myself as attractive and funny as well. Of course those that know me, know I also like to say things that aren’t true. That being said, I hated your blog. See what I did there? Alright, that’s enough for now. I’m signing up. Check me out when you get a chance and let me know how delusional I really am.

  21. Off to tell my kids to sell out right now. Thanksbye.

  22. I have enough friends, but they’re not all reading my blog, so I definitely need new ones. You seem awesome, so, okay, we can try this thing out. Trial run.

  23. Can I just tell you that I singlehandedly convinced an entire nonprofit organization to trade their dollars for my awesome this afternoon?

    Let’s be friends or something.

    Love (?), Lola

  24. OK, I’ve read at least 3 posts and made a few comments. If that doesn’t mean we are bonded together in cyberspace then what does?
    I have also never had the chance to sell out. Sell by, sure, and best before, yeah, but sell out? Not yet.
    Hoping if I’m witty/funny/sexy/interesting enough in my comments on other people’s blogs, they might actually read mine.
    How to gain subscribers to your blog 101.
    Flattery, flattery, flattery.
    After you’ve had to read an awful lot of crap with, how did you put it, middle school poetry.
    And that was just your own blog you were checking for typos…

    • My, my this Anne-Marie is savvy. She is also witty, funny, and interesting. I’d say she might even be a sexy writer. In fact, I’m going to shoot over to her blog right now!

  25. I am Charlie people who know me say I am funny. The people I pay ..my children…say it twice. If I may say i like the cut of your jib…i mean the way you write. I am a retired sailor with “self-diagnosed” P.T.S.D. part-time-stress-disorder. I am going to follow your blog and I hope one day you will stop by and see mine…

  26. And if that doesn’t work, he’ll buy you a mocking bird.

    I’m sure I’ve sold out already, but if anyone offers. I’m not above doing it again.

  27. Greetings and congratulations!

    Just wanted you to know, I’ve just bestowed upon you the Kreativ Blogger Award. You can visit my blog to see why!

  28. I also like to write for the simple joy of creating something that will make people think…and hopefully those people will think about my thoughts and give me comments to keep me encouraged. I like your writing-will definitly be back.

  29. I am the new friend you’ve been waiting for: smarter and more attractive than your old friends.

  30. Consider, as I have done in the past, to have your image on the hundred dollar bill. I have yet to see any currency with a good-looking person in it. Our faces will change the way people spend money. They won’t. They’ll wallpaper us and money will be valued and not spent. People are in debt because they must rid themselves of ugly people, wallet and elsewhere.

    • omg! brilliant idea Tricia….this just might turn the economy completely around!!! Fire up the presses!

  31. Hi Paul. Lenore sent me over w/the highest of praises for you–I believe the praises, but don’t trust 100% that she gave me your real name….you know how she is. Noted your blog title, old English teacher, and loved, loved, loved it. I fully intend to read more than the title, it’s just these dag redheads of mine…everywhere…ugh! Much better with very large and very medicated adolescents, but what can you do, except keep telling people that the world needs more good aunties and uncles and fewer half-ass parents (self reference–Lenore is the portrait of the Cult of Motherhood, she’s just modest).
    Hope to see you soon.
    Regards, Leslie


  32. Ape No. 1 likes this.

  33. Nice Blog, I read “Things I Carry in My Pocket for the Sole Purpose of Confusing the Police in the Event of My Untimely Death” took me a minute but I “got it”.

  34. I wish she was my aunt Susan. My aunts just like to bedazzle stuff. And drink gin. AND originate those chain emails. Hold on to that Susan of yours.

  35. you should be famous. like will smith famous. what a blog!

  36. okay i feel like you are going to say you already are beyond will smith famous. :s im new here.

  37. No one would ever ask you to sell out, Paul. You are too clever for anyone to DARE!! Keep it up, you talented man!


  38. Elissa Cain

    June 23, 2011

    a nice contribution to the blog world. i read it at lunch. sometimes it’s so funny it makes me LOL (literally) and i suck food down my wind pipe.

  39. The Great Gatsby is your favorite book! We should totally be friends as I’ve taught it and love it–and also mainly because of that super intelligent Clark Kent look you have in your pic.

  40. Top three reasons we should be friends:
    a . My kids are grown and I’m bored.
    2. I have a background in PR and a blog and lots of networking contacts and would love to promote you, and you are a sellout, which makes us a perfect match.
    iii. “Watching the Detectives” is my favorite song of all time.

    Seriously, I just found your blog through Freshly Pressed (congrats!), and you’ve given me a great distraction from editing the document I’m supposed to be working on this afternoon. Keep up the great work–you’ve gainedt a new fan today.

  41. I’m about to read “The beautiful and the deamned”, my first F.S Fitzgerald book do u think i should read the Great gasby as well? I haven’t been reading in english for ages I’m kinda anxious :)

    Anyhow i like your blog, i just had a great laugh with the swimsuit strategy post hahaha!!

    Congrats for beeing freshly pressed.

  42. The Good Greatsby is perhaps the BEST name I have ever heard for a blog. Phenomenal blog – I look forward to reading more :)

  43. great blog. i love snark. apparently i’m not very good at writing it, ‘cuz i haven’t been freshly pressed yet, but that’s just the poopular masses who are ignorant.

  44. So this site is my first real attempt at starting a blog and for a few hours, I thought I was doing a good job. But then I ran into yours. You are an amazing writer. I aspire to be able to get people to want to read my stuff. You can do that. I am incredibly jealous.
    Not to sound like a total kiss ass or anything, just expressing opinion.

  45. Wow, I’ve really got to get back to my blog and spiff up my About page. Your’s is making mine look pale and anemic by comparrison. I guess we SHOULD be friends, if for no other reason that your witty blog will make me try harder to keep up.

  46. A few minutes spent on your blog, and I know it would be one that I will visit often – very often. I’ve already read several of your articles to my teenage boys, with me laughing all of the time. The ironic thing is that I doubt that our paths would cross in real life; however, I really enjoy your sense of humor, your mad skills in writing, and your unique perspective on life. I’m glad that cyberspace introduced me to you!

  47. Found your blog on Freshly Pressed yesterday and I love it! Generally I don’t literally LOL, I just say I LOL to be polite. At most I might make an appreciative snerf-type sound. (I made up that word because I don’t know how to spell the real sound.) Anyway, with your blog I seriously ALMOST LOL’ed. I smiled, I snerfed, I may have even snorted a bit.

    Congrats on being FP. Great blog!

  48. Definitely acquired yourself a new fan! Fantastic blog.

  49. That’s it I’m signing up! I love it when I have an immediate place to go when I need a guaranteed “throw my head back” kind of laugh! I’m not trying to be a best friend poacher or anything, but your on my list as a wanna be blogger bestie. I love the way you think.

  50. I’ve nominated you for a Seven Links award. Check out my blog post: http://thirdeyemom.com/2011/07/30/my-lucky-seven/
    Now it is your turn!

  51. Reading your work…now I’m really impressed that u commented on mine. thanks.


  52. maturestudenthanginginthere

    September 7, 2011

    Oh I found you because you commented on my wee blog today. I think we should be friends because I bet you don’t have many crazy Scottish friends with red hair (the kind you only seem to get in Scotland and Ireland). Us ginger people are always the butt of jokes so need to have thick skin and sharp wit. I like your style – got room for a new Scottish blogger?

  53. For making me laugh, cry, or almost pee my pants, I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. For complete details, see the following post in my blog:


  54. I was going to write exactly the same thing someone above wrote in his comment ” reading your work…I’m really impressed you commented on mine”. You can’t really compare your well-written blog with my silly posts, can you?
    Thanks for your comment anyway, it is nice to get support from uni haters like me :)


  55. I grok your humor, Paul. That is all. If we were friends, you would be the handsomer.
    Found you via Ricky Anderson’s blogroll. You have a new follower.


  56. jennygoth

    November 12, 2011

    we should be friends because i agree with all your topics lol your funny entertaining and modest lol xxjen

  57. Your blog is funny. And yes, my friends don’t compliment me as much as they should. I’ll have to discuss this with them.

  58. i am just surprised to see the number of hits on your blog stats.
    a whopping 153thousand and still counting….
    and freshly pressed – for how many times?
    i am just admiring you too much [in awe really] to ask to be friends :)


  59. Teena Lovern

    November 25, 2011

    we are destined to be friends. i am nowhere near as appreciated as i will be, once i have your permission to begin exploiting our friendship for monetary and non-monetary gain, which i plan to do anyway, right after thanksreceiving.

  60. Ohhh, I so loathe you. You make humor seem effortless — you’ve giving everyone false hope! Knock it off, man. Or at least have a little post about how long the Greatness takes in coming up with his terrific, witty posts… one after friggin another… So it is with great reluctance that I have just added you to my glorious (and eclectic) blogroll on my pretty much music-related blog. Somehow, I’m following you on twitter too?!

    Anyway, being a stout polar bear about it, I will say you have a sharp and hilarious site! It should eventually lead to both our dreams coming true, you will get a great chance to sell out to the publishing world, which will be the end of your popular free blog, and therefor my wish will come true too. Win-win.

  61. :)

  62. Oh my goodnessss…You’re hilarious. Dry humor is the very greatest.

  63. I think we should be friends, because I ALWAYS laugh at your jokes–and I am very impressed by status-y things.

  64. I like that honesty and confidence! Aja!

  65. Great! Thanks for writing.

  66. Hello, just wanted to let you know I’ve nominated your blog for the Liebster Blog award. If you haven’t already received one before (I’m sure you already have), see my blog for the requirements (although I certainly won’t hold you to those, especially since I haven’t followed all of the rules myself).

  67. Paul,

    Recently 2 fellow bloggers past on the “Liebster Blog Award” to me. It is given to bloggers with gret blogs.

    I believe you have a really amazing blog so I now pass on the award to you. Congratulations!



  68. I was just on the phone last night with my dear friend in Bali…he lives there year round. What a life. Anyway I’ve nominated you (and a few others) for the Versatile Blogger Award, don’t blush. http://walterkittysdiary.com/2012/01/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  69. But on second thought I’m not sure you deserve this honor because the Guinness you are about to drink on your home page has not settled…unless it is a Ramos Fizz.

  70. I nominated The Good Greatsby for the One Lovely Blog award!


  71. I have decided that the only blogger (I can’t say writer as I named my daughter Poe after my favorite author) I might love more , is a hypothetical love child born of you and Sloane Crosley that grew up to have a penchant for sarcastic wit.


  72. clownonfire

    February 29, 2012

    Oh…. And funsie blog! How great is this…

  73. Hey,
    I know you probably get this all the time, but I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can check it out here. Thanks for supporting Raising a Realist!


  74. runningfarce

    April 10, 2012

    I figure I’ll follow along since you pretty much begged me to

  75. Love your blog name!

    (I tried envisioning “The Gat Greatsby”–but that doesn’t work!)

  76. How many followers do you have, and I’m only the second person who liked your about page? Weird. Okay, you came to my blog tonight. Which is strange because you are kind of out of my league (not really, but based on numbers you might think you are). So, I want to know who sent you. Was it El Guapo? Damn he gets around. He’s like a blog disease. Anyway, if you come to my blog again, go to the so bad it’s good part: http://nothobblingnow.wordpress.com/ It’s where the fun stuff is and all the cool kids hang out.


  77. Shandrea Lawrence

    May 28, 2012

    Love your pic! You look dapper and mysterious…very James Bond-ish:) What’s in your glass?…milk?

  78. It is great that you are making a radio play happen. In China, they still do radio plays on air. I wish my Chinese were better so that I could listen to them. (Maybe it is better that I can’t since I image they are artfully written and skillfully performed and a sheer joy to listen to.and maybe imagining is best in this case…..) I hope to hear more about the results of your work

  79. I love your blog Paul! I stumbled upon it through someone else’s blog and I’m so glad that I did! Superb!


  80. littlerhody

    June 16, 2012

    I loved The Great Gatsby…..
    Under my 1983 high school yearbook photo ?
    Yep, the last line from the book….becoming a family tradition as my eldest used it for her yearbook also….

  81. I want to be your friend! You’re so funny and so attractive! I don’t have money to give you now, but I’ll get a job so I can give you my money. Do you really live in Shanghai or do you live in New York?

  82. You had me at the humorous mangling of one of the greatest works of American literature of all time. Tell your mom from me: “Well, the Midlife Second Wife thinks I’m funny.” Oh, and are you by any chance James Franco? You do look like him, and face it—the dude is everywhere and does everything. Congrats on your Freshly Pressed blog!

  83. testing am I spammed?

  84. Hi, I so enjoy your blog and have nominated you for the Sunshine Award. Cheers! Jerri

  85. Congratulations! Because I enjoy reading your blog so very much, I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award! I hope you’ll accept!


  86. Reply
  87. Hi, Paul. Your blog has been referred to on many blogs I respect and I admire. So, you must be good, maybe even great! I look forward to reading :)

  88. Wow, Paul! I’ve been away for a few months working on my memoir and look at you! Your blog has ka-boomed. Is this now your day job?

  89. Nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award! Check out this post (mine) for the rules.

    P.S. ADORE your posts!

  90. Hey, I am nominating you for the Liebster Award
    That is small gesture to tell you that I enjoy reading your blog…
    Go here to have a look

  91. Weird, I always like blogs that are funny and mine’s like… depressing…? hahaha i love your humor :] keep it up :]

  92. Ha! Optimus Prime … my four year old recently checked out a Transformers book from the library and he’s all about Optimus Prime. Too funny. Great introduction. Nice to meet you :)

  93. Thanks for liking my Succoth post. Vegan is hard — so much chopping of vegetables.
    They seem to be healthy, what can I say. (nothing. you’ll see as your sons get older!)


  94. Benedicte

    October 23, 2012

    Thank you for a wonderful blog… I’ve just received the Lovely Blog Award, and I’m so happy to pass it on. I nominated you with gusto!! http://simpletangles.wordpress.com/2012/10/22/moved-to-tears-ive-been-awarded/

  95. You seem to be a very popular blogger, so I suppose you won’t have time to respond to this, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re writing style is captivating. Wait, what am I doing? You already knew that. Why am I even here? Oh yes, because Prego and the Loon brought me here. She’s great. You’re great.

  96. I can tell you now, I bet you would be the most interesting person to be friends with. I seriously adore your blog <3

  97. I nominated you for the Liebster Award, and well deserved it is!!
    Lorna :)

  98. Hallo!
    I have nominated you for “The Very Inspiring Blogger Award”.

  99. Reply
  100. Hey, Paul! I nominate you as one of the recipients for Sunshine Award. I truly enjoy your writing, your posts simply brighten me up when I feel dull. Thank you for being such an inspiration! :) http://aboutgivingandreceiving.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/a-sunshine-award/

  101. http://itsnotjustmeright.wordpress.com/2013/05/21/versatile-blogger-award/

    Bang – you’re nominated – cause ya make me giggle – alot!


  102. nuttyblurt

    June 13, 2013

    Exceptional! Love it! Glad I ‘chanced’ upon your blog ‘ole chap ;)

  103. Hi Paul

    Pleased to meet you. :)

    My name is Kevin Gillespie, I do, MUCH prefer, to be called Kev though. :).

    I live in Wales, & I am now Following your Blog. :) :).

    Best Wishes
    Kev. :)

  104. I’ve nominated you for the versatile blogger award! Feel free to take it or leave it. You probably already have it. :P The instructions are here… http://coatechnophile.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/versatile-blogger-award-dah/

  105. Hello from New York. You have a very nice blog.

  106. Hey! I just nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award! Check it out here: http://catchingzee.wordpress.com/2013/08/23/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  107. When I run across someone as hilarious as you it makes me want to throw my laptop, pens, pencils, calligraphy tools, and animal bones dipped in blood for hieroglyph creation all out the window (or cave opening, as it were). Thanks for ruining my day. I’ll follow you anyway.

  108. After reading just two of your posts, I can only think you are absolutely hilarious.

    Michelle Linda

  109. I love your blog title! I’m hooked already!

  110. Hey this is a fun blog! Exactly the kind of stuff I like to start off my mornings. I.Shall.Return. Heh -:)

  111. Great blog! I have enjoyed reading your posts. Very funny! Keep up the good work.

  112. Hi Paul! Greetings!

    I was going through some of the blogs, and your blog caught my eyes. It is quite interesting!

    I am looking out for some good stories for our magazine “5 Stories”. Thought it would be a big help if you spread the message through your blog.

    The details are in: http://5storiesezine.blogspot.in/

    You can directly visit our website for submitting stories: http://bit.ly/5StoriesSubmission

    Please go through it and share if you find it suitable.


  113. I used to be good-looking but now I’m just good. I settle for good as an excuse for the wrinkles that hang out with my face. They like my face so much that they’ve become great friends. As an elder perusing your thought process you’re a good young guy. Good young guys learn early how to appreciate life through humor and they have the maturity to share it. Humor on…
    tech-challenged newbie blogger

  114. Hi Paul, I’m not sure if you will see this but I’m posting it up anyway. I do appreciate your type or humor (the kind that is actually humorous). My husband writes our blog and I edit everything, post it up and add pics here and there. I do it because I appreciate his type of humor as well. He said it’s our blog, not his and I should comment on things too…so here I am. I’ve mentioned your blog quite a few times to Anthony (my husband), which is making him kind of jealous because he’s read it has admitted somewhat begrudgingly that you are funny. Come and take a look and follow us even even though my husband hates you because your funny.

    -Michelle Cortez on behalf of http://strangeworldwithdoctormortschnub.com/

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