Don’t Tell Me How it Ends

Posted on November 7, 2012


So I’ve been pretty busy the last week and haven’t had time to follow the American election. I recorded CNN’s election night coverage but I won’t have time to watch it until next week, so nobody tell me who won.

Also, don’t tell me who won the Republican primary; I want to be surprised. Also, I hope it’s not that pizza guy who harassed all those women. Also, I kind of hope it is.

I also haven’t watched the Super Bowl yet so nobody tell me who won that either, although my bookie gave me a hint by threatening to break my fingers if I didn’t pay up soon so I’m pretty sure the Patriots lost.

Also, don’t tell me how the TV show Lost ends, because I haven’t watched the last season yet. Also, don’t tell me how Lost starts, because I haven’t watched the first season either. Also, tell me where my DVD box set of Lost is, because I can’t find it. Is that ironic?

Also, don’t tell me how World War II ends. I started watching Casablanca but haven’t finished it yet. I’m looking forward to seeing Bogart and Bergman get together at the end.

Also, don’t tell me if soup is any good, because I vowed not to try it until I’m 40 so I have something to look forward to. If I understand correctly, soup is similar to regular food but with water poured on top of it, so my expectations are pretty low.

Also, don’t tell me if you ran into any of my ex-girlfriends and they seemed happy, although I wouldn’t mind hearing if they seemed unhappy.

Also, don’t tell me how the world ends. If you know, keep it to yourself, because I want to be surprised, although I wouldn’t mind a small hint like, “Tomorrow might be a good day to wear a suit.”


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Posted in: Columns