Last year in celebration of America’s Independence Day I did two posts on indifferent state slogans but only covered two-thirds of the states. I now present a comprehensive list of all fifty:
Alabama: Now with universal phone access in 41 of 67 counties.
Alaska: Not the birthplace of Sarah Palin.
Arizona: 47 days without a killer bee attack.
Arkansas: Probably best to consider any loan a gift.
California: Our beauty will take your breath away. Also the pollution.
Colorado: Our capital shares the same name as Gilligan’s Island’s Bob Denver.
Connecticut: ‘Connect’ing Rhode Island and New York since 1788.
Delaware: Experts in giving directions to Maryland, Pennsylvania, or New Jersey.
Florida: There’s more to us than hurricanes. We also lead in tornadoes and lightning strikes.
Georgia: The state, not the country.
Hawaii: Bring your ATM card.
Idaho: Birthplace of the ‘ho’bo. Also deathplace.
Illinois: The ‘s’ is still silent.
Indiana: We’ll steal your heart, just like we stole Maryland’s football team.
Iowa: We’re also here in non-election years.
Kansas: You’ve got to stop for gas somewhere–why not stop in Kansas?
Kentucky: The state Virginia willingly gave up.
Louisiana: Anyone named Louis or Ana eats free.
Maine: Once part of Massachusetts. How about those Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics, and Patriots?
Maryland: Birthplace of actor David Hasselhoff. Also actor John Wilkes Booth.
Massachusetts: If you’re tired of Harry Potter, you’ll love our history of witch-burning.
Michigan: Make yourself at home. Seriously, please make Michigan your home and convince all your new neighbors to stop leaving.
Mississippi: Ruining spelling tests since 1817.
Missouri: Pronunciation very similar to the word ‘misery’.
Montana: Not affiliated with Joe Montana.
Nebraska: Do you know where Abraham Lincoln was born? If not, then it was Nebraska.
Nevada: Come to get married, stay to get divorced.
New Hampshire: Named for England’s Hampshire, birthplace of Jane Austen and Charles Dickens.
New Jersey: If you’re on your way to New York, would it kill you to stop and say hi? Maybe.
New Mexico: Like Mexico but newer.
New York: Not as new as when we first named it.
North Carolina: Last state to seceded from the Union, proving our heart was never really in it.
North Dakota: A cut above South Dakota.
Ohio: Birthplace of President Warren G. Harding’s mistress. Also Warren G. Harding.
Oklahoma: Trailblazers for gender equality by leading the nation in female incarceration.
Oregon: Paying more for aluminum cans than any state in the Union.
Pennsylvania: Come see the places where The Philadelphia Story, The Young Philadelphians, and The Philadelphia Experiment were not filmed.
Rhode Island: Not really an island so you can get here by car.
South Carolina: Sister state of Queensland, Australia.
South Dakota: North Dakota is closed for repairs.
Tennessee: You’ll be surprised what we’re willing to volunteer for.
Texas: If you’ve got some time to kill, why not kill it in the state that executes more criminals than any other?
Utah: Like Nevada without gambling or liquor.
Vermont: If you’re surprised by our low birth-rate, you probably haven’t seen our women.
Virginia: Birthplace of 8 US Presidents–4 of them good!
Washington: Similar to Oregon but without the 5 cent can recycling incentive.
West Virginia: Turn left when you get to Virginia.
Wisconsin: Fictional home of television’s Happy Days.