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The humor blog of Paul Johnson, Brad Pitt's body double in Thelma and Louise according to a rumor Paul just started.
Browsing All Posts published on »July, 2012«
The Eligibile Bachelor Gods Giveth and They Taketh Away
Some people like to recite an affirmation as they look at themselves in the mirror each morning. Mrs. Greatsby likes to motivate herself by reading from a Post-It note pinned to the mirror listing the world’s most eligible bachelors. I don’t mind because I know whenever George Clooney is on the list she’ll do something […]
Invite Me to Your Yachting Party
July 25, 2012
About once a year I’ll be out with friends at dinner and I’ll take a look around the table and realize: Paul, you could do a lot better than this crowd. But who is this better crowd? Where do they hang out? What kind of dinner jackets are they wearing this season so I can […]
Welcome to Hogwarts!
July 18, 2012
My eleven-year-old Optimist Prime is a huge Harry Potter fan, having finished the series for the fifth time just last week. If you’re familiar with the series, you know that eleven is the age Harry received a letter informing him he wasn’t an ordinary human (muggle) but was a wizard who had been accepted to […]
Make Your Own Summer Camp
July 16, 2012
My wife is traveling for a couple weeks and I’m searching for ideas to occupy the kids that don’t violate my wife’s list of forbidden activities: TV Video games Crime We wanted to send them to a summer camp but decided against it when we learned they cost money, and I’ve resorted to finding alternative […]
Summer Break is Breaking My Spirit
July 10, 2012
Well, we’re a month into the kids’ summer vacation and that means I’ve started 30 straight mornings asking the mirror why kids get a summer vacation. Why do kids get time off? They’re just going to forget half the stuff they learned during the previous year. They’ll waste at least a month of the new […]
Even More Indifferent State Tourism Slogans
July 4, 2012
Last year in celebration of America’s Independence Day I did two posts on indifferent state slogans but only covered two-thirds of the states. I now present a comprehensive list of all fifty: Alabama: Now with universal phone access in 41 of 67 counties. Alaska: Not the birthplace of Sarah Palin. Arizona: 47 days without a […]
Give Him 2.54 Centimeters and He’ll Take 1.6 Kilometers
July 2, 2012
I’ve spent the majority of my adult life living abroad in Germany and China. When you study foreign language you learn how to speak in the simplest manner possible and avoid the use of idiomatic expressions that obviously wouldn’t exist in another language. When business has required me to translate meetings in German or Chinese, […]
Read my latest on the Huffington Post:
July 30, 2012
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