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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts published on »February, 2012«
Pop Some Champagne for My New Domain
In celebration of my one year blogaversary, WordPress wanted to get me a little special something and offered to give me a free domain name if I gave them a little something special in the form of money to renew and update my WordPress features. After searching GoDaddy.com for BradPitt.com, Brangelina.com, and CambodianBoyAngelinaAdopted.com (in case […]
If Nobody is Going to Throw Me a Party, I Guess I’ll Have to Throw One
February 16, 2012
My wife and I always bring each other breakfast in bed on our respective birthdays. Her birthday is tomorrow, but I brought her breakfast in bed a week ago to make her think I’d gotten the date wrong. It was probably the first time in a year that I’d successfully played any joke on her […]
Valentine Hangover: Role-playing Gone Wrong
February 15, 2012
Yesterday, police in Portland were called to investigate reports of an unclothed woman tied up in the back of a Subaru, only to discover she and the driver were playing an elaborate role-playing game to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I like to think once the police officers understood the situation, they took turns teasing the couple […]
Fonz and Whatshername Sitting in a Tree: Part 3
February 14, 2012
This might surprise you, but I tend to joke around a lot with my kids. They rarely believe anything I say because I give parenting advice with the same straight face in which I give zombie-escape-route advice–all while wearing a smoking jacket and pretending to smoke a pipe. But I have given the kids a […]
Half-Hearted Valentine’s Day Cards
February 13, 2012
If I could go back in time 30 years and marry you all over again, I would in an instant… …but let me be clear I mean I’d marry the 25-year-old version of you, back when you could really rock a swimsuit. After 50 Valentine’s Days together, I realize more than ever that mere words […]
Chinglish Shampoo for Nerd Dogs
February 12, 2012
I volunteered at a pet shelter as a teenager and when I bathed the animals, we weren’t fortunate enough to have such fancy shampoos like the one below I found in a local Shanghai pet store. This magic formula seems to promise the dispelling of amorous activity: ‘Aim at the pet skin scraps problem effectively […]
The Fonz Makes Three Fashion Choices in Hopes of Impressing a Girl
February 11, 2012
If you’ve followed each stage of The Fonz’s budding romance with Whatshername, you’ll remember the fateful moment when she complimented his funny clothes, probably without appreciating the impact her remark would have on the over-confidence portion of his brain, the flamboyance of his future outfits, or his parents’ efforts to move up the ladder of […]
Inspiring the Next Generation of Writers: A List of My Demands
February 9, 2012
Last week I received an invitation to speak to a group of local students about writing. Maybe the students were fans of this blog. Or maybe they heard about all the exciting writing projects I have going on. Or maybe my ten-year-old son was in the class and my wife was the school librarian. Regardless […]
First International Mustache Film Festival
February 8, 2012
The first mustache film festival is scheduled to premiere next month in Portland, Maine. The festival aims to celebrate short films featuring mustachioed main characters or mustache storylines. For all aspiring directors hoping to submit a mustache film for consideration, please consider one of the following as a potential name for your movie: Triminator Schindler’s […]
Trump Endorses Romney, May Sway Multimillionaire Blowhard Voting Bloc
February 7, 2012
Donald Trump’s endorsement of Mitt Romney for President really shouldn’t be much of a surprise considering the startling similarities between the two men. Excerpts from Trump’s endorsement: “I actually offered my endorsement to all the candidates but Romney was the only one who would agree to accept the endorsement while standing behind a lectern with […]
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