Cutting the Cheese is a Cinnamon for Passing Gas

Posted on February 18, 2012

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Toxoplasma_LifeCycle_BAM1

A Sentence Parsing:

How can children seem so very smart and so very not smart at the same time? I’ve developed an elaborate system for quantifying my children’s statements to determine whether I should be worried or not. I applied this system to the following:

At the dinner table Optimist Prime asked Mrs. Greatsby to cut a piece of cheese for him and The Fonz announced, “‘Cutting the cheese’ is a cinnamon for ‘passing gas’.”

If I had to parse this sentence I’d give him:

+2 points for knowing the definition of the word synonym.
+2 points for using a complicated word in a sentence correctly.
-1 point for pronouncing it ‘cinnamon’.
-2 points because the comparison he made was about gas.

That totals a net gain of +1 and I can sleep soundly knowing I’m a good parent and The Fonz is moving in the right direction.

…..

So what did I get my wife for her birthday?

A few months ago I was lamenting how long it had been since anyone had rewarded me with a trophy. I asked her if I got her a trophy whether she would put it on her desk in the library. She said yes and I asked how she would answer when children and her co-workers asked what the trophy was for. She answered:

“When they asked what the trophy was for, I’d answer, ‘For inspiration.’”

So I got her a ‘for inspiration’ trophy and she agreed to carry it with her the whole evening as we went out to dinner and she placed it in the center of the table. She’s promised it will take a prominent position on her library desk next Monday.

More about our extensive trophy collection next week.

…..

Favorite Search Term of the Week:

don’t you just hate when someone you love says

The reason I liked this was because I imagined the person searching was actually seeking for things to say that could annoy his/her significant other, probably on Valentine’s Day. I hope that searcher didn’t find what he/she (probably a he) was looking for.

…..

Did you watch Zooey Deschanel on Saturday Night Live? I know I did.

Is it just me, or is she pretty great? I said that to me wife and she said it was just me so I’d be interested to hear what you thought.

…..

At our home we think about Halloween costume ideas all year long. Ours is an ideas family, and we keep a giant whiteboard next to the dinner table so ideas, outlines, graphs, and cartoons can be sketched during dinner. You can’t start thinking about Halloween on October 3o and expect to do your best work. Last night The Fonz said:

“I know what I’m going to dress up as for Halloween.”
“What?”
“Halloween.”

I’m not sure how we’re going to pull it off conceptually but we’ve got a lot of time to think. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

…..

A Notable Post:

My favorite post this week was Laura at Unlikely Explanations, a very funny writer and I imagine a very patient person since she was so understanding when I once answered her question in a Dear Good Greatsby column and kept referring to her blog as Unlikely Expectations.

Toxoplasmosis or Super Pac? How to Tell Them Apart

The graphic she used from the Center for Disease Control website has made me laugh numerous times, and of course the CDC didn’t intend for it to be funny. I’m going to have this graphic made into a painting to be hung in my home.

Only one more day to vote in the caption contest! The competition is fierce! The prizes are imaginary! The exclamation points are perfunctory!

But strike that imaginary prize line because this week’s winner will receive the first non-imaginary prize and will be awarded an actual award button.

…..

More exclamation points!:

Get ready for The Good Greatsby’s blogaversary week! Cancel your plans! Quit your jobs! Turn off your cell phones! Don’t risk missing a minute of all the Greatsby excitement!

Posted in: Columns