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Paul Johnson's comedy blog: I didn't get into comedy to be rich or famous. All I've ever wanted was to be loved…by somebody rich and famous.
Browsing All Posts published on »October, 2011«
Dear Good Greatsby: Help! I’m a Zombie Trying to Kick My Brains Addiction!
The first question comes from Binky of Wombania Comics who appears to be suffering an existential crisis. Dear Good Greatsby, I might be a pumpkin. What should I do? And don’t say make pie! Binky Dear Binky, Paul: During the Halloween season, psychiatrists always report an uptick in patients claiming to be pumpkins. These patients […]
Cain Herman Cain or Cain’t He?
October 18, 2011
For decades Republicans have been touting supply-side economics: If tax rates are cut, the wealthiest will spend more and create jobs with the promise that the wealth from the wealthiest classes would ‘trickle-down’ to the rest of the economy. Unfortunately, this trickle-down never took place and instead there has been a massive trickle-up of wealth. […]
If at First You Don’t Rapture, Try, Try Again
October 17, 2011
Five months ago I posted a response to evangelical pastor Harold Camping’s prediction that the Christian Rapture would come on May 21st: Cloudy with a Chance of Rapture. Once again Camping is predicting the apocalypse is still coming and will actually arrive on October 21. People have been predicting the end of the world for […]
Chinglish Oktoberfest
October 16, 2011
If you don’t have any plans next week and you’re going to be in Shanghai, perhaps you’d be interested in attending an Oktoberfest celebration. I received the advertisement below from a local restaurant, and I’m excited to attend the celebration, but my one concern is that I’ve lived in Germany and attended Oktoberfest many times […]
Saturday Surprise
October 15, 2011
A father remembers the moment when after years of letting his son win, the kid sprints past him and wins all on his own. Most of this ‘allowing to win’ pertains to sports and board games but not video games since babies today are born with advanced Super Mario skills far exceeding those of their […]
Republicans Scramble to Defuse High-Five-Gate Controversy
October 15, 2011
Once again the Republican party is scrambling to shake off charges of elitism after a new scandal threatens attempts to appeal to the common man before the 2012 election. For years reporters have been asking multimillionaire Republicans ‘Gotcha’ questions to put them on the spot and prove they don’t understand the plight of average Americans. […]
The Fonz is All Ears…Unless You’re Calling His Name
October 13, 2011
As a child I remember being reprimanded a lot for not listening, as though turning off my ears had been a conscious decision. Adults swore they had told me something important, and I had nodded acknowledgement, but all details of the conversation eluded me. I remember a lot of conversations ending with, “Do you understand […]
Dear Good Greatsby: Smell Ya Later. Or Not, Because I Have No Sense of Smell.
October 12, 2011
(The Good Greatsby would appreciate any Halloween related questions concerning the ghost haunting your garbage disposal, the ghoul in your office microwave, or the skeletons in your closet. Submit a question in 100 words or less on the Dear Good Greatsby page.) Today’s question comes from Joe Knight who seeks an explanation for his lack […]
Smack Talk 101: Can I get you a bowl of smackaroni and cheese?
October 11, 2011
Smack talk is not my strong suit. Some people think half the fun of a fantasy football league is sending taunting emails and texts to other players, but I’ve never liked mean humor and I have a hard time getting into the spirit of being one of the guys while worrying about crossing the line. […]
The Search Engine Oracle Speaks, Clears Throat, Reiterates
October 10, 2011
Some seemingly innocent search terms keep me up late at night: guess how much i love you At first, I assumed this was a random search, but I found it more satisfying to convince myself I had a secret admirer. Secret admirer, guessing how much I love you is pretty hard without knowing who you […]
Eye on Chinglish
October 9, 2011
This picture comes from the back of an eyelash thickener: Maybe I just never paid attention to eyelash thickener products when I was in America, but is there really an American eyelash limit? If so, it seems the government should have better things to do than set limits on the freedom of our eyelashes. This […]
Saturday Brain Biscuits & Gravy
October 8, 2011
My seven-year-old son, The Fonz, is very interested in zombies right now, and when he overheard me mention I had watched an episode of the AMC zombie show, The Walking Dead, he started asking if he could watch it despite my warnings it was much too scary. I finally let him watch an advertisement for […]
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