Many readers had a hard time believing Todd would still be my friend after tricking him into believing:
1. His wife died in a car accident.
2. His wife had terminal cancer.
3. His wife was having an affair.
In my defense:
1. His wife didn’t really die in a car accident. That’s why it’s funny, Todd. If she had actually died, I agree that would definitely be too far.
2. The word terminal is confusing and should not be used at airports if it also has a deadly connotation.
3. He still doesn’t know the affair hoax was my doing because I held my tongue after he stabbed the Francisco from Diego’s deli. Francisco is the one with the legitimate right to be angry, not Todd.
It’s funny people should question why Todd would still be my friend because Todd also says we’re no longer friends, but I know his extended silent treatment is merely his way of joking and getting back at me. I’ve been a good sport and made a great effort to show better humor than Todd by laughing at his elaborate efforts to pretend he never wants to see me again. I chuckle every time he changes his phone number, blocks my email address, or takes out a restraining order. Way to go all out, Todd! It couldn’t have been cheap to hire an actor who looks exactly like our county judge and build a full-scale replica of our local courthouse and jail. I can’t wait to hear him explain how he did it.
I’m certainly showing a better sense of humor than Todd did in response to the following practical jokes:
Do exactly as I say or you’ll never see your kids again!
What’s the harm in “kidnapping” Todd’s kids on the way home from school and taking them for ice cream while their parents scramble to meet the demands of a joke ransom note? The kids were never in any danger. Why isn’t this funny?
Breaking News: Santa Claus is dead.
A professional looking fake news report requires a lot of money, and I was expecting more gratitude from Todd’s kids for all my trouble. The budget ballooned when I filmed a couple news reports to go before and after the “Santa is Dead” story for more credibility instead of turning on the TV right at the beginning of the Santa piece. The master touch came when the Santa report segued perfectly into a cheerful fluff piece about an animal fashion show.
There’s no easy way to tell you this, but your wife’s been murdered.
Maybe it’s funny if you just wrap police tape around Todd’s house and ask a buddy on the police force to hold him back while yelling, “You don’t want to see her like that!” But it’s definitely not funny to have him go to the morgue to identify Donna’s dismembered body and when the officer pulls the sheet back it’s an elderly hobo. I saw Todd’s face on the surveillance camera and he definitely wasn’t laughing. You’d think he would be happy to find out his wife was still alive, but he didn’t even smile.