Congratulations to this week’s caption contest finalists, who may remember the day they became finalists as one of the most important moments of their lives, especially if their entire lives had been uneventful disappointments.
The winner will receive the following awards:
1. A strong sense of fulfillment. (Disclaimer: You must be the type who fulfills easily.)
2. The ability to get out of all speeding tickets. (Disclaimer: You must also be female, pretty, and able to cry on cue.)
3. A sense your life is finally moving in the right direction. (Disclaimer: You must be poor with directions.)
Questions to answer in the comments section:
1. Who here is the hairiest? (Is this a trick question?)
2. Who in the picture is not actually dressing up, but was noticed on the street and shepherded into the frame without knowing what was going on?
3. Are you secretly in this picture?
A. Now all Ronald needed to complete his collection of living action figures was the elusive Donald Trump, complete with Action Comb-over. (flippingchannels)
B. Match.com decided to discontinue their Nerd Mixers when, yet again, not enough girls showed up. (pegoleg)
C. “Fine. We’ll get started as soon as Generals Grant and Grievous show up.” (japecake)
D. Concerned by the unsustainable growth in the world’s population, virgins gather and pledge never to reproduce. (omawarisan)
E. “Sufferin’ Appomattox it makes me so angry! Nothin’ll send me into conniptions faster than these pasty no account deadbeats, millin’ about our noble recreatin’, muckin’ up our tintypes! Homelier’n Ambrose Burnside and dumber’n a roomful McClellans! Set your muskets to virgin and grab your bayonets, because this is gonna be the ass-stabbing heard ’round the world! Then we’ll skedaddle to Applebee’s for some hardtack!” (ajg)